Enlightened Women

This past week, we celebrated the 303rd birthday of an amazing enlightened woman. No, I’m not talking about myself, although sometimes I feel like this woman has taken up residence in my own head.

Her name? Gabrielle-Émilie Le Tonnelier de Breteuil, Marquise du Châtelet, more commonly known as Émilie du Châtelet, born December 17, 1706.

She was not the first, nor has she been the last woman to juggle a husband, children, several lovers outside her marriage, and still manage to be a renowned academician. Any woman who can be sexual and a scientist at the same time has my vote. Brains and promiscuity are not mutually exclusive. The most famous of her lovers was Voltaire, and it was with him that she achieved so much in the scientific world.

No wonder men fell at Émilie’s feet – a seductive smarty-pants with her bosoms pushed up above a low neckline and her billowing skirt hiding other treasures. It’s fun to fantasize about enlightened women like Émilie. I can just imagine men fumbling around and getting lost in her massive skirts as they seek enlightenment with her. I don’t think of her as coy, but rather as a strong woman with needs that could only be met by strong men. She would have intimidated lesser men.

She was lovely beyond words, and still was considered one of the primary scientific minds of the day. She was one of three scientists credited by Einstein as being influential in his work. Émilie was not allowed the elevated status of male scientists, however.

Is it so different today? Have we really gotten much beyond 18th century mentality? Is it time for a new Age of Enlightenment? There are small pockets of folks who believe we should take away the women’s right to vote! Look it up on Google if you don’t believe me!

As an instructor in higher education, I watch as young women are guided into careers that are considered to be more fulfilling for women – nurses, teachers, secretaries. And the young men get much the same treatment. We still wonder what’s wrong with a young man wanting to go into nursing or a young woman who wants to be a mechanic.

And it goes beyond that. A woman who flirts and flaunts is considered to be a bimbo, someone without brains. A woman who dresses sedately and wears glasses is thought to be the scholar. I love the fact that Émilie could be someone’s mistress, enjoy an active sexual life, and still be brainy.

Reading about her was exciting! By the time she was twelve years old, she spoke six languages. In her twenties, she became immensely interested in Newton’s ideas, and with her most well-known lover, Voltaire, she helped to spread Newton’s work. She translated Newton’s Principia into French from the original Latin in order to help spread his ideas.

I celebrate her birth, her courage, and her inspiration to the rest of us. May we all allow ourselves be as enlightened as Émilie du Châtelet.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Promscuity Part 2

Last Sunday, I addressed the issue of promiscuity, as described by Webster and Roget. This week I want to give other perspectives. As I said before, there are several factors involved in how one would view promiscuity.

I would want to take into account the age, the gender, the relationship of the individual to others, the lifestyle, and more. Think about the following examples:

• If a young teen is exploring the world of sexuality, is that promiscuous or is it normal experimentation?
• Is that different from a young adult who is engaged to be married, or perhaps is already married, and decides to mix things up?
• What about the couple in a committed relationship who mutually decides to become engaged in swinging?
• How about a widowed or divorced older adult who is suddenly free from work or family obligations, and now decides it’s time to enjoy life before s/he is too old or dead?
• What about the example I gave last week of someone who feels abandoned in the relationship and needs to find enjoyment elsewhere?
• Is there a difference between promiscuity and adultery? If so, what?

This is only the beginning of examples any of us could find. I believe it depends on how strongly someone feels about their commitment – or non-commitment – to a relationship. It depends on what a person’s individual needs might be. I would consider whether the promiscuity had crossed the line into sex addiction, which can be disastrous.

Soon after my divorce many years ago, I was promiscuous. I had gone from living with my parents to a girl’s dormitory to marriage for twenty years. I’d never had the chance to explore my sexuality, and I had many casual lovers. Those were enjoyable years, and I learned a lot about who I was, what I really wanted or didn’t want in a relationship, and the type of person I needed to be with (if with anyone at all).

If someone is in a committed relationship, I highly recommend that they discuss their individual needs and come to some agreement. There are ways to involve promiscuity in a civilized manner, and especially if you want to continue in the primary relationship. In today’s world, new ways of keeping a relationship alive are more generally accepted.

Check out my earlier post on polyamory, or another post I did on swinging. Just two weeks ago, I gave sites where you could find other couples interested in swinging.

Sometimes you discover that who you already have is better than anyone else, but just as often, you decide that it is better to take the leap and leave permanently. There are losses and gains on both sides of that question.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this. Please leave comments! In the meantime, think about the many ways you can refresh your world. Life wasn’t meant to be boring.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Promiscuity Part 1

One reader asked if I would comment on promiscuity. Oh boy! That’s a topic that could be fraught with all sorts of danger!

How one would view promiscuity depends on more than one factor. I think we need to look at a dictionary or a thesaurus first. This will give us a definition and other words to use for this same status.

My dictionary of choice (because it’s all I have at home) is Webster’s New World Dictionary, Second College Edition. It’s old, but I don’t imagine the meaning has changed that much over the past decade or so. The first definition given there states: “Consisting of different elements mixed together or mingled without sorting or discrimination.

Well, my goodness! That could mean a lot of things, couldn’t it? Sometimes I am promiscuous in my cooking. I just mix up a bunch of stuff indiscriminately in a big old cast iron skillet or a large stew pot and it turns out to be a delicious goulash. Maybe I should rename it “Fanny’s Promiscuous Stew.”

Sometimes my garden is rather promiscuous, too. I just toss a bunch of seeds in a little section outside and they all pollinate together to bloom. Pollinating each other sounds a bit sexy, if you ask me.

Since the first definition is not exactly what I think my reader was talking about, let’s try the second definition that old man Webster came up with. Here he says “Characterized by a lack of discrimination.” Anything to go on here?

Of course, that might lead us to wonder what “discrimination” means. A girl could get lost in the vast world of research if she followed every word, searching for a clearer meaning.

Okay, on to the scholarly Mr. Webster’s third definition. He states that promiscuous means “without plan or purpose, or casual.” Let’s follow that one for a minute or two. Does that mean if I’m casually having afternoon tea with someone, I’m promiscuous?

Or perhaps it means that if I go for a walk on a sunny afternoon “without plan or purpose” I’m being promiscuous? If that’s the case, then I’m often promiscuous because I like not being tied to a schedule or having to follow someone else’s agenda.

Since Webster hasn’t done much to satisfy the generally accepted meaning of promiscuous, let’s check my thesaurus (a little more up to date than my dictionary). The first word there is abandoned, followed by words such as easy, licentious, loose, unbridled, wanton, wild. Those are the meanings most people give to the word promiscuous.

Putting all of this together, I came up with this thought. Using Webster’s definitions and the first word in Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus, how about someone who is feeling abandoned, therefore without plan or purpose, decides to mix things up?

Oh, what a devious mind Fanny has!

I have other thoughts on promiscuity and I’ll give those to you next week. In the meantime, enjoy life to the fullest! Life lasts too long not to have a good time.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Swingin’ On A Star

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sexy Seniors

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Beware!

In an earlier post this morning, I talked about the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and gave you the website. One reader just reported that their antivirus software popped up about the site (http://www.ncsfreedom.org/) that said it was infected with a script that attempts to change your search engine.

Thought you should know and you can take your chances on that. I suppose you can always change it back, but just wanted you to be aware of that happening. Other than that, the site is a good one.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

What's Your Label?

I haven’t written anything in the past couple weeks because I’ve been too angry at our prudish society.

There is a segment of our population here in these dis-United States that would regulate exactly when, where, how, at what age, and with whom we shall have sex. That pretty much covers everything, doesn’t it?

I suspect that most people reading this have as strong a feeling about all this as I do. Why don’t we help each other out? Go to http://www.ncsfreedom.org/ - the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom home site. There you can sign up to get news from them, explore the site, donate, or join.

Back to our uptight society . . .

We will avert our eyes if our children have a taste of our beer or wine – but we won’t give them a condom. We will send our young men and women off to fight in a foreign country where they are at risk of being killed – but we won’t let them experiment with sexual feelings. We will say “kids will be kids” when they are social brats – but we feel horrified if our child falls in love with someone of the same gender.

We can applaud our politicians if they vote against a national health program – but we give a loud “tsk tsk” if they have fun on the side. We can feel sorry for the wives of politicians who “play around” – but we don’t want anyone using sex toys at home. In Texas, it’s still illegal to sell or use a vibrator. We’re in the second half of 2009, folks!

Why can’t our young people have sex before marriage? I’ve known marriages where there was no sexual compatibility at all afterward. At least if you have protected sex before marriage, you can learn what the other person likes, or if they can even have sex at all. Some can’t, you know.

Why can’t some of our politicians have a private life? Why do we make it our business? If they are voting for the welfare of our nation, that’s all I care about. I’m trying to stay positive about how we spend more time on the sex life of our politicians and youth than we do on how to promote world peace.

Are we too worried about our own sexuality or secret desires? Do we get some sort of vicarious thrill when someone else does what we’d like to do? Do we protest a little bit too much? Are we stuck on making everyone stick to the “proper” labels?

This brings me to where I really intended to go with this post – labels! I don’t want to be labeled with anything. I don’t want to be Mrs., Ms or Miss. I don’t want have a label that designates my marital status. I usually cross that out on forms. I don’t even want a label that says what gender I am. What difference does it make if I’m male or female? And I don’t want to be labeled as either a virgin or a slut.

I certainly don’t want a label that defines my sexuality. I’m a sexual human being, and that’s all anyone needs to know, because I turn on to a personality. I do not turn on to a particular gender, size, age, or nationality. How limiting is that?

This week, if you are one of those who look askance at anything that you don’t do yourself, I suggest you try to identify the source of your discomfort. What did you do as a young man or young woman that you don’t want your children to do? Who do you find attractive that is not your legal partner or who might be the same sex?

More than likely, I’m preaching to the choir here, but maybe you know someone who fits the category of “bigot.” If we think of the possible reasons behind their worry, then maybe we can be a bit more understanding – and gently lead them toward a more open attitude.

You might say, “Dream on, Fanny!” But I know that anything is possible, when people work together.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

From Whence Came Sex?

As brilliant as our scientists may be, even they are stumped when it comes to explaining the origin of sex. They become tongue-tied, blather on using unpronounceable words that are enough to turn you off to being sexual at all.

So it seems that no one has ever really figured it out. The word itself conjures up all kinds of mental images, doesn’t it?

Eons ago, when I was first starting to teach human sexuality to a group of teens in my local church, I would place a large group of pictures down on the floor and number them. The pictures consisted of everything from porn to nursing mothers to baby animals with their mothers in the field to romantic scenes. Gathering this array of pictures was fun!

Each of the young people was given a sheet with only one statement on it – “This says sex to me.” They were to indicate which of the pictures fell into that category by checking a “yes” or a “no.” At the end of that part of the exercise, we placed the pictures in order of the most number of “yes” or “no.”

At that point, we got into a discussion of the results. Of course, it came down to the definition of “sex” that each of them had assumed. For most, they translated “sex” as “sexy,” so the results showed a high number of pornographic pictures.

You can imagine the rest of that discussion, but the purpose behind telling that story here is that we all become just as twittery around the topic of sex as the teens and the scientists.

It has obviously been around a long time, otherwise how would we have populated the earth so quickly? Someone was “doing it” many years ago.

One of my favorite books that addresses this issue is The Rape of the A.P.E. by Allan Sherman, published in 1973. I remember reading it shortly after it came out. I was sitting under a hair dryer (yeah, I used to get my hair “done”) and laughing until tears ran down my cheeks. The A.P.E. stands for “American Puritan Ethic,” by the way.

He talks about how sex used to be something everyone did whenever they liked, wherever they liked, at whatever time of day they wanted. Can you just imagine such a dream world??

(Pardon me while my heart flutters a bit here!)

Sherman continues by reminding us that sex has become something we do under the covers with all the lights out, and probably some of our clothes still on. How confining!

And I even know people who actually have sex on a schedule. “It’s Friday, so we must be on for sex tonight.” How utterly boring!

The best I can figure out, sex started with two little cells who bumped up against each other and eventually created a whole bunch of other little cells. But where did it switch from being merely a physical reproductive process to being something that we titter about behind our fingertips, or seek out in strange ways until our libido is satisfied?

I’m not complaining, mind you!!! I love sex, love talking about it, and mostly love doing it. But my curiosity gets the best of me, so I had to look it up. The actual word comes from the Latin word sexus, which means gender, or a state of being either male or female, and dates back to late 14th century.

After that, it progressed through many different evolutions (no pun intended), such as quality of being male or female (16th century), sexual intercourse (thanks to good old D.H. Lawrence), genitalia (as late as early 20th century), to sexpot (no wonder I got pregnant about the same time as the origin of this word!). You can read more about it here, but nothing really tells us where this whole concept came from.

Why don’t we all just enjoy sex, and cease the worrying about who is doing what with whom (see my post from last Saturday on the politics of adultery), and how they are doing it?

By the way, if you are looking for a good book where nothing in our society is sacred, I suggest you check your library for an old copy of Sherman’s book. No, I don’t get anything from this plug – I live in one of those states where Amazon won’t let us be an affiliate anymore. I just think it’s a great read – and as appropriate for today as it was over 35 years ago!

For myself, I plan on some good sex next week when my sweetie comes to visit.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

The Politics of Adultery

Is there anyone who hasn’t kept up with all the hoopla about our politicians and their affairs? And didn’t you giggle about it as you read?

Is there anyone reading this who hasn’t had their own spicy affair, as well?

Aw, come on! You can fess up to your Aunt Fanny!

It seems that no one has heard of the biblical story about the “sinful” woman who was being stoned. The Man looks up and says, “If any of you guys have never done anything like this, you get to throw the first stone at her.” All of them slunk away with their tail between their legs – or something like that.

But the self-righteous opponents of our politicians don’t slink away! Oh no! They start throwing stones, pretending that it proves they are unstained. I guess they skipped that story in the Bible because it hit too close to home.

I just read an excellent article on alternet.org about how adultery is not really a big deal. It seems practically everybody does it – or did it, nobody likes to admit it, and everyone enjoys it – men and women alike.

And what’s not to love about adultery? The “same old same old” gets to be the “same old,” doesn’t it? We all like to have someone pamper us and make over us, treat us like kings and queens. It’s fun to look at a different body in the bed next to us, make love a little differently than we’ve grown accustomed to. We like being surprised rather than being able to set our watch by how long the finger stays in that place, or rubs that spot!

Even if we have never acted out on those desires, the fantasies were there, weren’t they? Just the thought of something a little kinkier than last night’s routine can get our juices going, can’t it? Uh huh, I thought so!

This may sound like heresy, but listen up, kids! Our politicians have been having affairs since way before George Washington! It’s probably the only reason Methuselah lived as long as he did. It kept him going – even without Viagra or Cialis! It’s just that there wasn’t Twitter or Facebook or Fox News to whisper it in the world’s ear. We had to wait a few decades before that information made it into a few published biographies.

I suspect that the wives were enjoying themselves while the husbands were out cavorting, too. We women have been known to cast an appraising eye on men other than the one for whom we do laundry!

So I say, get a grip, folks! When your own zipper or your own panties never get pulled down, then you can point a wretched finger at our poor sex-obsessed politicians. Just remember the old adage that when you point a finger, there are four more pointing back at yourself.

Now where did I put my little black book?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Out of Retirement

I’ve gotten so many questions that I decided to un-retire Fanny, at least for a while!

Those questions confirm the notion that sometimes, even the young women and men who are becoming experienced, need some answers clarified. My college students say that even since their high school years, things have changed. They wonder what the “younger generation” is up to – even if the difference in age is only a few years!

So with a little coercion, I’ve decided to come out of semi-retirement and write about some of the issues that readers would like to see addressed in coming posts. It seems to me that some of the sexual activities that everyone pretended to know nothing about have become mainstream in novels, movies, and online forums in just a few years.

One young woman, barely eighteen years old herself, was appalled at her sister (only three years younger) who thought nothing of wearing a skirt that showed as much as a skimpy bikini bottom. She said the entire skirt wasn’t more than about six inches wide, and the girl considered her older sister to be a prude.

This raised the issue of exhibitionism, and its mirror issue of voyeurism. Would you consider this fifteen-year-old in the tiny skirt to be an exhibitionist? What does that word mean anyway?

In my dated Webster’s, the first description says it is a tendency to call attention to yourself, or to show off your skills or talents. If we go with that definition, what talent or skill is this young teen showing off?

That question can keep your mind occupied for a while, can’t it?

The second description is more of what people tend to think of – that it is exposing parts of the body that we normally keep under wraps, unless we are looking for some sort of sexual encounter. I suppose the amount of exposure would depend on the girl’s stance. I don’t suppose there is any way she could bend over to put on her shoes without exposing something! Of course, panties might cover whatever is exposed.

Now, this brings up the issue of voyeurism. If this young lady bends over, is she inviting voyeurs to have a peek? And which one of the two is at fault? Is there really any “fault” to be found?

Going back to good old Webster – the voyeur is one with an exaggerated interest in taking a peek. I’ll have to admit that I enjoy getting a good look occasionally, too. But the second part of Webster’s definition is that the peek is for sexual gratification. In other words, if I don’t use the nice view to masturbate, then I’m not a voyeur, right?

I have to say that I don’t mind all the sweet young things running around half dressed these days. Eye candy for these old eyes!

And it seems to be a general style of dress, not just an isolated case of my student’s younger sister. It is an acceptable mode of dress among today’s young people. I can remember when it was a cause for alarm if a decent lady dared to show her ankles.

(Well…I’m not really that old!)

Let’s face it – sex is here to stay! There is nothing wrong with being a bit provocative, and this is 2009, after all.

I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it – no matter how old or young you are!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Taking a Break!

Greetings, my dear readers!

I’m taking a little break from this weekly blog. There are so many books to write, so many political agendas to promote, so many classes to teach, so many fun sexual things to explore – not to mention my love life! All of this needs my attention and concentration.

This is my 51st post, so I may be back occasionally to make it an even 100, and when there is something I need to discuss with you. I may come back on a regular basis someday with even more good things to say in the sexual arena.

If I am published, you’ll be among the first to know! My books may even be something you’ve been waiting for!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Good Websites

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Big W – I Cannot Tell a Lie

Yeah, I know who you thought this was going to be about, but it’s not! This is about THE Big W – that old George Washington W! It’s his birthday today, so I want to think about his role in our sexual lives.

I grew up in an era when we celebrated Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday on two separate days. We had a school holiday on both days, until someone decided we had too many holidays and put all of our presidents into one day – President’s Day.

What do we remember most about Washington? Well, yes, most of us know he was the first president of the United States. Most of us learned some little bits of history about him in school, so what’s the most outstanding thing you remember?

For me, it was that he supposedly cut down the family cherry tree, and when confronted with the deed (according to the familiar legend) he said “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.”

So you may wonder what that has to do with my post today. Permit me to sort of think on this out loud for a few minutes.

How many of us when confronted with some misdeed are willing to be quite as honest as little Georgie was? My hunch is that many of us would hem and haw, shuffle our feet, cast our eyes downward and make up some sort of alibi, especially if we are guilty.

If we suspect our mate of infidelity, and we ask the question outright, which of us really expects an honest answer? Or turn that around - and if our mate suspects us of an infidelity, would we be willing to give an honest answer when we are asked about it?

Most of the time, there is too much at stake (generally financial) and we don’t want to jeopardize that precious commodity. Knowing we might lose our family, our retirement fund, perhaps even our job, we would tend to be evasive, no matter how much we want to be with that other person.

But is honesty always the best policy? Individuals are able to answer that question for themselves only. For me, there are too many pieces of the puzzle to be considered to make a blanket statement. Sometimes we might need to lie in order to protect something valuable, like a family.

Years ago, the term “situation ethics” came into being with a book with that title, written by Joseph Fletcher. At the time, my understanding of it was that we were to do the most loving thing in the situation. This did not mean we should go out and love indiscriminately, the way many people in the 60s and 70s interpreted his book.

When we are faced with two options, both of which could be dangerous or deadly, we must look at which situation will cause the least damage, or which we most believe in. Sometimes the response we are called on to make is clear cut, but most of the time it’s a choice between two events of equal value. The lines become blurred. How in the world do we decide?

I don’t want to get into the flap about whether or not someone should have been unfaithful to begin with. That’s not the issue here.

No, what I’m focusing on in this discussion is the best course of action to protect the most people. In other words, what is the most loving thing you can do in the situation? That might be telling the truth, or it might not be. You’ll need to make that decision before it comes up, and be ready for the consequences.

By the way, we all have been told a big lie our entire life. February 22 isn’t really George Washington’s real birthday. Check out the truth here if you don’t believe me!

Would I lie to you??

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Do You Need A Valentine?

Are you looking for a Valentine? Here are a few clues for those who are fresh out of ideas!

I have a strong suspicion that most of my readers have never looked at the ads on the bottom of this page. If you are feeling lonely - and randy - I challenge you to look at OnlineBootyCall this weekend.

They advertise themselves as “a dating site for singles who enjoy being single.” In other words, some just want to find a date, get laid, and avoid all the “promises” stuff that guys and gals try to load onto us. Who knows? There might just be a like-minded soul living near you.

I especially like the 10 Booty Call Commandments. For example, the 7th commandment says “If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.” Clever, eh? Of course, no one has ever thought of that one before! (wink wink)

They have contests for real $$ and you can sign up for free! How in the world can they do it? Just click on the notice below, sign up and check it out! Be sure to let me know who (or what) you find out there!

There was a time when this sort of prowl would have appealed to me. If you noticed the feather in my hat and the high collar, you’ll know that I come from an era when that sort of thing was forbidden. Oh, we still had our bit of fun, but we weren’t legally allowed to advertise it.

I’m glad times have changed, and I have actually discovered that there are still some folks out there who like old gals like me (giggle).

If you think you might find your soul mate online (which is a crap shoot), you might try one of the other groups listed below through one of the free FriendFinders sites. You can find your choice of others with the same sexual orientation, and even someone with the same fetishes.

Or you might try the wee SexyAds site on the left. They have some great people on there and it’s also free. Or maybe you and your SO are looking for a third or fourth or more to add to your playtime together. You can find it all right there on any of these sites. All of these are fun places to investigate.

Now, if you already have a honey, head on over to Adam & Eve. It’s probably too late to get something shipped to you, but you can always stick a gift card in his or her dresser drawer. Or just stick in their drawers.

But if you are like me and plan to spend your Valentine’s Day weekend at home alone, you should really pick up a good sexy book to give you ideas for the next time your sweetie visits – or all by yourself in an even wilder fantasy. My special friend and I have tried out a lot of what we read.

Check out the book that heads this post, which claims to be "a guide to infinite sexual possibilities." There are others on the list to the left from Amazon - all so very educational!

The best gift of all would be a gift card from Amazon, then s/he can get whatever they want!


I’m off to pacify myself with dark chocolate!

I blow you a Valentine's Day kiss ~ ~ ~ ~
Fanny

'Til Death Do Us Part?

I have been asked by several readers to talk about adultery. Here are a few of my rambling thoughts on the topic. Please feel free to comment on your own views and/or experiences.

In almost everything I read, in most cultures, the woman is the one usually considered to have conducted a “criminal” act, even though both male and female adulterers are looked down on by their society. This carries the notion that the woman is “owned” by the man – and therefore any adultery on the part of the woman is a transgression against his ownership of his wife. That’s a big red flag for me before I even get going!

I have looked carefully for the basis of the word “adultery.” The word “adult” is a past participle of the Latin word for adolescent. So it means that as an adult, we have completed the act or phase of being an adolescent. But how does that fit in with the word “adultery?” That part has not become clear to me.

When anyone asks how I feel about adultery, my response is semi-complicated. Having been in that situation myself, and knowing many who are either in that situation now or have been in the past, I think there are more reasons than can ever be known.

Boredom? Yes, of course, that is one reason often given.

A spouse who is not fulfilling the marriage vows in the sexual arena? That could be a good reason.

Finding someone else with whom one is more compatible? That is quite often the case.

A need for more excitement? I don’t think this is quite the same as boredom, but for some it might be the need to feel “bombs bursting in air” again.

Feeling “fenced in?” There are many ways in which a person can feel this way.

Daily life of cleaning house, changing diapers, cooking, mowing the lawn, providing the family income, making repairs around the house, doing laundry, wiping up after someone else – all this and more can take its toll on both men and women.

Did we get married for this? Did I get a PhD in psychology to do all that? Where did the “romance” go over the years?

As someone who has done quite a bit of marriage counseling over the years, I begin to wonder why anyone marries in the first place. How can we possibly believe that this one person will make us happy for the rest of our lives?

Where is it written that while my spouse and I might be best friends right now, that in fifty years we will not only still be best friends, but better friends than we’ve ever been before? We can’t make that guarantee. All we can do is work at making it a good friendship while it lasts.

And I don’t buy “staying together for the children,” either. Your children know when the marriage isn’t what it should be, even if you never fight. The sparkle fades, and everyone knows it, even if you think you’ve hidden it well.

I’m not the only person who has wondered if we don’t need some sort of renewable contract in a marriage. Would five years be enough to know if you wanted to continue being with that other person? Ten years? How long?

I do know many couples have found that swinging, polyamory, or simply an open marriage have kept the primary relationship alive. That isn’t about “falling in love” with someone other than your spouse, but about adding that little bit of variety to what might otherwise be a monotonous life.

Couples need to be willing to get beyond telling time by how long it takes to get from point A to point B during sex. Couples need to actively seek a variety of ways to make sex (and life) more interesting.

On the other hand, I believe there are bona fide reasons why adultery should not be considered a “sin,” whatever that word means to you. An alcoholic or addicted spouse, or a spouse who refuses to have any kind of intimacy (physical or emotional) would be two of those reasons. There are others, I’m sure.

Who has done the cheating in these cases? Is it the spouse who has cheated the other half of the partnership out of having a good marriage? Or is it the spouse who finally starts taking care of him/herself by taking on a lover?

There is no easy answer to the question of adultery. Maybe we should all become Eskimos and lend our spouse to someone else occasionally as an act of hospitality!


I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

P.S. A lawyer friend just wrote to say that he thinks a man in skirts is very masculine. I hope this is the end of that particular discussion.

Men in Skirts Summary

I want to begin this post by saying that it is NOT a "Family Friendly" site. I will repeat that later in the post, but it was never intended to be read by anyone under 18.

That being said, a few weeks ago, I wrote about men in skirts and how attractive I find it. In that post, I had a picture of one man who was lifting his Utilikit to show how the kilt (or skirt) is worn traditionally.

I was surprised at the stir over a man’s bottom, when we can see men’s bottoms in all sorts of other places – and I’m not referring to pornographic magazines. There are movies that allow men to be nude in the context of the story (in locker room scenes, for example), so I don’t know what the big deal is about it.

So two weeks ago, I opened it up for comments and in that post, I gave the one comment that created the fuss, but here it is again in case you don’t want to take time to read it on the original post.

(Editorial note: I have left punctuation and spelling on all of these comments as they were when they arrived. No attempt has been made to edit at all.)

Please tell me why you have to show off the mans backside?
For me - a man
that loves skirts instead of pants - this picture puts it all in a bad light and
pushes the thoughts of men in skirts as gay.
This is not an adult only site
and really shouldn't show such images.
The support to men in skirts is
harmed by this.

I want to print some of the comments I received here. They can be read in the “comment” section, but most people don’t bother to check there.

The first comment to come in said:

1. Showing off someone's buns is hardly "adults only," and doesn't this site say
for those over 18?
2. How does showing off someone's buns come across as
gay?
3. Wouldn't this actually be--statistically--more likely to be
attractive to women?
4. Even if it were to be construed as "gay," how does
that put men in skirts in a bad light?
5. Is gay bad?
6. Can only
straight men wear skirts?
7. And, finally...where's his sense of humor?????

Some comments came in via email so those were not designed to be public, but here are a couple more comments that present interesting perspectives.

as a skirt & kilt wearing male, i feel i have to address this.

first off: i'm 50, hetero, married with kids. i don't try to present myself as female, but many items of "female" clothing are fun. my co-workers have no doubts as to my preferences, but i don't push anything onto anybody.

now, the photo of that guy's butt? humorous but potentially offensive. this is YOUR forum/blog/whatever, so you can put on it what you wish. i wouldn't feel any different if it was a female butt of similar age & condition. i could do without it, thank you very much.

skirts being "gay"?

when was the last time you saw a gay man in a skirt? unless they are doing "drag" (and then they are in FULL female hootchie regalia) most men won't wear a skirt. gay or straight. if anything, gay men may be even more conservative in their clothing. many will avoid anything that might "out" them INADVERTANTLY.

incidently, the flashing of one's butt is fairly common amongst kilt-wearers. going "regimental" (no underwear) is one of the points some would say is actually required of kilting. flashing becomes a humorous punctuation to some conversations or situations.

One comment:

I was surprised at the reaction of [Imadude] to the picture of a mans bum! and the assumption that because a guy is showing his backside he must be gay. This is almost as presumptive as those who think a man in a skirt must be gay. Some are, some ain't. it is a simple as that. Anyway, what if he is gay? How does that do a diservice to the cause?
I am sorry but I have to disagree with the inference that it puts us male skirt wearers in a bad light. A regular drunken saturday night prank here in the town centres is for "straight macho" guys to wave their bums at the security cameras, If you suggested to them they were gay, you would be on your way to casualty!.
There is an image of The kilted colour sergeant with his kilt blown up and his bum on show for all the world to see, all over the web, Has he suddenly put back our cause? or turned gay?.
I see you say you are a fellow wearer of skirts, and for that I applaud you, we need more men to try them and be seen wearing them and then perhaps western society will be more accepting of us.
As for adult content, apart from the fact that we all have a bum and we have all seen a bum, so I would hardly rate that as adult content, if you look at the links on the side bars, going to such things as spanking and female stimulation, then a bare bottom should not come as a surprise.
Radiostar.

Then another:

After posting thoughts on the comment by "Im a dube", I began to think some more about the assertion that the picture of a guys backside was showing men in skirts, in a bad light.
Then it occured to me, that I had signed mine as anonymous, mainly because I am not a registered user of this system. So I have come to the decision that what could put us in a bad light is the pseudonyms, Handles, Nicknames etc. WHAT are we trying to hide?
Secrecy is the problem. Tell the world you wear a skirt sometimes.
The more that do, the more mainstream it will be.
So the earlier post signed Radiostar, is by me, My name is Tim Stannard and I live in the north of England, sometimes on a warm summers day, I will wear a skirt, or a Sarong, I own two Utilikilts. So instead of critisising from behind the fence,Stand up and be counted.
Tim aka Radiostar

Here is what Fanny’s site states at the top. You can read it, of course, but let me repeat it here:

This blog is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. It contains no pictures of nudity, only words of advice and encouragement to adults who seek information. If you are under 18, please go play somewhere else.

I do not consider a glimpse of a bum to be pornographic. I had the gentleman’s consent to show this particular photo, and I did not show his face, at his request. I made no lewd remarks about the view, but suggested that a cold wind might flip up the kilt and make it uncomfortable when worn the way it is designed to be worn.

Wearing skirts has nothing to do with being gay, just as wearing trousers does not make me a lesbian. It is more comfortable for me to wear long pants, especially when I teach. If a skirt is more comfortable for a man, I see no reason for him not to wear one. His anatomy lends itself more to a skirt anyway, in case no one has noticed!

There is nothing at all that says “gay” to me when a man wears a skirt. And so what if he is gay? Skirts for men are cultural, worn by many more people than the Scots. I agree with the gentleman who asked “Where’s his sense of humor?”

If all anyone saw was the bare bum, then the point of the post was missed entirely. I still think a man wearing a skirt can be sexy and attractive. I’d love to hear from other women about this – not just the men!

One person wrote “Up with kilts! Down with Trousers!” I’ll go for that! (big wink)

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Evolution of a Word

The dictionary defines a fetish as any object that superstitious people believe to have magical powers. For some, this could be a rabbit’s foot on their key chain, or a penny in your shoe. Some people hang their fetish on the rear-view mirror of their car.

Perhaps one of my earliest recollections of an object being a fetish was during my years of living in Alaska. I was given a little carved bear made with either walrus tusk or whale bone – both of which would be politically incorrect today. But this was in the early 60s and the protection law didn’t come into being until a decade later.

Although the bear fetish is more commonly thought of with the Zuni, many tribes also have a bear fetish. Since I was given one in Alaska, and the Alaskan Brown Bear is such a big item (literally), I imagine the Native Alaskan tribes also have a bear fetish.

Another definition of fetish comes from the field of psychiatry (ahem). For the shrinks, this refers to any object that is basically non-sexual, but that is thought to be sexually arousing to some. This is supposed to include such objects as smelly feet, leather gloves, ears, or some such item. I have nothing against people who have this fetish, but it’s not something that I can relate to personally.

Yet a third definition of fetish refers to any activity or object to which we are abnormally and irrationally devoted, “to make a fetish of sports.”

Sports???

How about SEX? Does that fit into the category of sports?

This particular definition of fetish probably comes closer to what we think of in our more modern screwy sexual milieu. Today the word moves us away from carved bears toward the kinky, and includes a world of activities, clothing, lifestyles, entertainment, and more. You can find all sorts of websites devoted to your particular interests.

One site that I highly recommend is Fetlife, a free social network of people of like minds. You can find a group for whichever fetish flips your skirt. If you join, tell them Fanny Lucette sent you. No, I don’t own it, nor do I get anything out of it. I just know some people who are involved in the workings of it and who would welcome your participation.

It seems to me that psychiatry needs to take a fresh look at fetishism, one that is not so punitive or judgmental.

What do you think?

More about Men in Skirts

Dear Friends of Fanny:

Over a week ago, I posted an article on men wearing skirts and how much I like them. I’ve received several comments, both by email and to be posted on the blog. I suggest you click and read the comments that have been posted.

I just received a comment from someone that I’m including here, rather than in the comment section. I will reserve my own comments until some of you have had a chance to respond to this.

Here is this person’s comment:

Please tell me why you have to show off the man’s backside?
For me - a man that loves skirts instead of pants - this picture puts it all in a bad light and pushes the thoughts of men in skirts as gay.
This is not an adult only site and really shouldn't show such images.
The support to men in skirts is harmed by this.

I am very interested to see what some of you other men (and women) think of this. Please send me your comments.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

The Second Oldest Profession

That’s right! Prostitution is not the oldest profession in the world, no matter what people say.

So what’s the oldest??

Farming! Read your Bible if you don’t believe me!

So if farmers are being taken care of by the government and are protected, why aren’t the “working girls” also protected? Is it because there is a stigma attached to prostitution that is not attached to farming?

The sex industry has many needs, beginning with health. I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last to rail against the discrimination in our country. Other countries require health exams and take good care of the ladies of the night.

Many need treatment for abuse of alcohol and other drugs. They need to be able to have an insurance that helps to pay for such things, as well as access to counseling.

They need legal protection instead of harassment. There is a relevant article that was posted on alternet.org about violence against sex workers. No one seems to care if a prostitute is beaten, robbed, or even murdered.

Someone told me of a female Episcopal priest who took a white tablecloth, candles, and a full meal down to Waikiki one Christmas Eve. She put the cloth over a garbage bin and served the women who were working the streets that night. That kind of caring is rare.

Sex is something we all need. It is a vital and natural part of our lives. For those who have no partner, what is wrong with paying someone for the illusion of love, just for a short while? This goes for women as well as men. But it’s as though even loving or doing something that natural becomes the forbidden act. It suddenly becomes naughty if you pay for it, or do “it” with someone you shouldn’t.

Sometimes I think married women are nothing more than prostitutes. They stay home and clean, care for children, and are expected to be available for sex whenever the husband wants it. They are paid by being given a home and a “name.” At least they are considered righteous and deserving, but often with as little legal protection and rights as a prostitute.

I remember finding a slip of paper for sale in a Tombstone AZ store that was a copy of an old “permit” to be a prostitute. Several of us who were wives took them home and put them up on our kitchen wall. Our husbands didn’t appreciate it one bit.

I think perhaps husbands can feel prostituted, as well. They work to provide a home and income, and in return they are granted a bit of sexual pleasure.

So who are the advocates for the sex workers? Men don’t speak up for fear of being accused of … what? Frequenting brothels? Having caught a disease? Women don’t speak up for them because “it just isn’t the right thing to do.”

Who then will speak up for them?

There is a poem written by Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) who was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. He writes about our political apathy until finally there is no one left to speak up for us.

No, I am not a prostitute. It is not a life I choose. So why should I be standing up for them? I have always been an advocate for those who needed me to be – the gays, the lesbians, the blacks, the poor, the children. I could go on and on. Like Niemöller, I must ask, “who will be there for me when I need it?”

This has rambled, I’m afraid, but I hope you understand my intent. Even in hard economic times, sex is something we all need – perhaps even more so, if we are to have that fleeting feeling of belonging and love, even if we have to pay for it.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Men in Skirts

I don’t know how to say this, but I think men in skirts are gorgeous! Is it because men question the loss of their masculinity that the style hasn’t caught on? Come on, guys – give it a try! From what I’ve read, I’m not the only woman (or man) who loves seeing men in skirts. Just think what the possibilities might be!

Some of the best looking and most masculine looking men wear a sarong or pareu in an area of the world where I spend much of my time. There are also many Tongan communities here, too, where the Tongan men wear a wraparound skirt (called a tupenu) that comes mid-thigh. It is extremely sexy!

There is an absolutely wonderful website speaking out for men who wear skirts out of the UK Please go there and look through his slide show, his guest book, and whatever else flips your skirt.

A good article in New York magazine (July 2008) about “men’s lib” around the wearing of skirts can be found here, complete with a few pictures. Another good online resource is Menstuff, and Burda Style has a very encouraging site.

Even though I consider myself to be very feminine, I seldom wear dresses. I much prefer pants or trousers, or whatever you want to call them. It’s too bad that certain styles of clothing seem to be socially acceptable for only one gender or the other. I am old enough to remember when long pants were totally unacceptable for women.

I love skirts for their comfort. In hot, muggy weather, a pair of jean, or even shorts, can be hot against your legs. There are disadvantages to skirts for both men and women, of course. For example, the same breeze that cools you in summer can be a cold breeze blowing up your skirt - most uncomfortable, especially when the skirt is worn like this.



The front, with skirt down, is the view most of us will see, however – and a very nice view it is!



By the way, if you are interested in buying one of these Utilikilts, check out their website for a wide variety of skirts for men. The site has what they call “Mock-u-mercials,” vid clips made by men who wear them. They are fun to watch.

If anyone wants to send me their own picture wearing a skirt, or the picture of your favorite guy in a skirt, I’ll post it here.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Was there ever a time when you had too much of a good thing? I’m talking about sex here, of course.

There are times when we think we’ll never get enough, that we will never have too much of this enjoyable thing in our lives that has the ability to turn us upside down.

But this question keeps popping up from time to time, and I’ve been wondering about it, as well.

So if you can remember a time when it felt like too much of a good thing, what did it feel like? What was going on? Was it when you were playing with a toy or was it something you were doing with another human being? Maybe it was just a fantasy? What was it?

I want to know if it spoiled you for the next time or for other people.
If you have experienced this “too much” phenomenon, is it something you’d like to experience again? How soon do you think you might have that experience again? Would you even want to?

Or was this a once in a lifetime event?

Personally, I’ve never had this experience. I mostly seem to be left wanting more. That has nothing to do with the person I’m with, just my own needs to keep that satisfied feeling going as long as possible. Because I am a multi-orgasmic woman, there have been times when I’ve been taken to the point of exhaustion, but I would never consider it “too much of a good thing.”

Talk to me about this subject of too much good sex. Is it even possible?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

May all your fantasies be naughty
~~

May all your lovers be

accommodating

accessible

thoughtful

kinky

fun