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The Big W – I Cannot Tell a Lie

Yeah, I know who you thought this was going to be about, but it’s not! This is about THE Big W – that old George Washington W! It’s his birthday today, so I want to think about his role in our sexual lives.

I grew up in an era when we celebrated Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday on two separate days. We had a school holiday on both days, until someone decided we had too many holidays and put all of our presidents into one day – President’s Day.

What do we remember most about Washington? Well, yes, most of us know he was the first president of the United States. Most of us learned some little bits of history about him in school, so what’s the most outstanding thing you remember?

For me, it was that he supposedly cut down the family cherry tree, and when confronted with the deed (according to the familiar legend) he said “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.”

So you may wonder what that has to do with my post today. Permit me to sort of think on this out loud for a few minutes.

How many of us when confronted with some misdeed are willing to be quite as honest as little Georgie was? My hunch is that many of us would hem and haw, shuffle our feet, cast our eyes downward and make up some sort of alibi, especially if we are guilty.

If we suspect our mate of infidelity, and we ask the question outright, which of us really expects an honest answer? Or turn that around - and if our mate suspects us of an infidelity, would we be willing to give an honest answer when we are asked about it?

Most of the time, there is too much at stake (generally financial) and we don’t want to jeopardize that precious commodity. Knowing we might lose our family, our retirement fund, perhaps even our job, we would tend to be evasive, no matter how much we want to be with that other person.

But is honesty always the best policy? Individuals are able to answer that question for themselves only. For me, there are too many pieces of the puzzle to be considered to make a blanket statement. Sometimes we might need to lie in order to protect something valuable, like a family.

Years ago, the term “situation ethics” came into being with a book with that title, written by Joseph Fletcher. At the time, my understanding of it was that we were to do the most loving thing in the situation. This did not mean we should go out and love indiscriminately, the way many people in the 60s and 70s interpreted his book.

When we are faced with two options, both of which could be dangerous or deadly, we must look at which situation will cause the least damage, or which we most believe in. Sometimes the response we are called on to make is clear cut, but most of the time it’s a choice between two events of equal value. The lines become blurred. How in the world do we decide?

I don’t want to get into the flap about whether or not someone should have been unfaithful to begin with. That’s not the issue here.

No, what I’m focusing on in this discussion is the best course of action to protect the most people. In other words, what is the most loving thing you can do in the situation? That might be telling the truth, or it might not be. You’ll need to make that decision before it comes up, and be ready for the consequences.

By the way, we all have been told a big lie our entire life. February 22 isn’t really George Washington’s real birthday. Check out the truth here if you don’t believe me!

Would I lie to you??

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Do You Need A Valentine?

Are you looking for a Valentine? Here are a few clues for those who are fresh out of ideas!

I have a strong suspicion that most of my readers have never looked at the ads on the bottom of this page. If you are feeling lonely - and randy - I challenge you to look at OnlineBootyCall this weekend.

They advertise themselves as “a dating site for singles who enjoy being single.” In other words, some just want to find a date, get laid, and avoid all the “promises” stuff that guys and gals try to load onto us. Who knows? There might just be a like-minded soul living near you.

I especially like the 10 Booty Call Commandments. For example, the 7th commandment says “If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.” Clever, eh? Of course, no one has ever thought of that one before! (wink wink)

They have contests for real $$ and you can sign up for free! How in the world can they do it? Just click on the notice below, sign up and check it out! Be sure to let me know who (or what) you find out there!

There was a time when this sort of prowl would have appealed to me. If you noticed the feather in my hat and the high collar, you’ll know that I come from an era when that sort of thing was forbidden. Oh, we still had our bit of fun, but we weren’t legally allowed to advertise it.

I’m glad times have changed, and I have actually discovered that there are still some folks out there who like old gals like me (giggle).

If you think you might find your soul mate online (which is a crap shoot), you might try one of the other groups listed below through one of the free FriendFinders sites. You can find your choice of others with the same sexual orientation, and even someone with the same fetishes.

Or you might try the wee SexyAds site on the left. They have some great people on there and it’s also free. Or maybe you and your SO are looking for a third or fourth or more to add to your playtime together. You can find it all right there on any of these sites. All of these are fun places to investigate.

Now, if you already have a honey, head on over to Adam & Eve. It’s probably too late to get something shipped to you, but you can always stick a gift card in his or her dresser drawer. Or just stick in their drawers.

But if you are like me and plan to spend your Valentine’s Day weekend at home alone, you should really pick up a good sexy book to give you ideas for the next time your sweetie visits – or all by yourself in an even wilder fantasy. My special friend and I have tried out a lot of what we read.

Check out the book that heads this post, which claims to be "a guide to infinite sexual possibilities." There are others on the list to the left from Amazon - all so very educational!

The best gift of all would be a gift card from Amazon, then s/he can get whatever they want!


I’m off to pacify myself with dark chocolate!

I blow you a Valentine's Day kiss ~ ~ ~ ~
Fanny

'Til Death Do Us Part?

I have been asked by several readers to talk about adultery. Here are a few of my rambling thoughts on the topic. Please feel free to comment on your own views and/or experiences.

In almost everything I read, in most cultures, the woman is the one usually considered to have conducted a “criminal” act, even though both male and female adulterers are looked down on by their society. This carries the notion that the woman is “owned” by the man – and therefore any adultery on the part of the woman is a transgression against his ownership of his wife. That’s a big red flag for me before I even get going!

I have looked carefully for the basis of the word “adultery.” The word “adult” is a past participle of the Latin word for adolescent. So it means that as an adult, we have completed the act or phase of being an adolescent. But how does that fit in with the word “adultery?” That part has not become clear to me.

When anyone asks how I feel about adultery, my response is semi-complicated. Having been in that situation myself, and knowing many who are either in that situation now or have been in the past, I think there are more reasons than can ever be known.

Boredom? Yes, of course, that is one reason often given.

A spouse who is not fulfilling the marriage vows in the sexual arena? That could be a good reason.

Finding someone else with whom one is more compatible? That is quite often the case.

A need for more excitement? I don’t think this is quite the same as boredom, but for some it might be the need to feel “bombs bursting in air” again.

Feeling “fenced in?” There are many ways in which a person can feel this way.

Daily life of cleaning house, changing diapers, cooking, mowing the lawn, providing the family income, making repairs around the house, doing laundry, wiping up after someone else – all this and more can take its toll on both men and women.

Did we get married for this? Did I get a PhD in psychology to do all that? Where did the “romance” go over the years?

As someone who has done quite a bit of marriage counseling over the years, I begin to wonder why anyone marries in the first place. How can we possibly believe that this one person will make us happy for the rest of our lives?

Where is it written that while my spouse and I might be best friends right now, that in fifty years we will not only still be best friends, but better friends than we’ve ever been before? We can’t make that guarantee. All we can do is work at making it a good friendship while it lasts.

And I don’t buy “staying together for the children,” either. Your children know when the marriage isn’t what it should be, even if you never fight. The sparkle fades, and everyone knows it, even if you think you’ve hidden it well.

I’m not the only person who has wondered if we don’t need some sort of renewable contract in a marriage. Would five years be enough to know if you wanted to continue being with that other person? Ten years? How long?

I do know many couples have found that swinging, polyamory, or simply an open marriage have kept the primary relationship alive. That isn’t about “falling in love” with someone other than your spouse, but about adding that little bit of variety to what might otherwise be a monotonous life.

Couples need to be willing to get beyond telling time by how long it takes to get from point A to point B during sex. Couples need to actively seek a variety of ways to make sex (and life) more interesting.

On the other hand, I believe there are bona fide reasons why adultery should not be considered a “sin,” whatever that word means to you. An alcoholic or addicted spouse, or a spouse who refuses to have any kind of intimacy (physical or emotional) would be two of those reasons. There are others, I’m sure.

Who has done the cheating in these cases? Is it the spouse who has cheated the other half of the partnership out of having a good marriage? Or is it the spouse who finally starts taking care of him/herself by taking on a lover?

There is no easy answer to the question of adultery. Maybe we should all become Eskimos and lend our spouse to someone else occasionally as an act of hospitality!


I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

P.S. A lawyer friend just wrote to say that he thinks a man in skirts is very masculine. I hope this is the end of that particular discussion.