Your Best Year!

In just a few days, it will be 2009. I’ve never believed in making resolutions for the New Year. What I like to do instead is set goals, both long-term and short-term. These are usually in several categories.

My favorite book for this is Your Best Year Yet! by Jinny S. Ditzler. It’s just a little paperback that asks ten questions “for making the next twelve months your most successful ever.” I’ve used it for the past eight years, not only for myself but with my students.

This book can be used in any area of your life, from income to relationships to self-esteem. One reason I love this book is that it starts out with looking at what you accomplished over the past year. This acknowledges the positive aspects of your life rather than just those things that didn’t work out.

At the end of just a few hours you end up with a one-page summary of your plan for the next year. They become your own words of wisdom for the year. If you want to try it, click on the book here.



What does this have to do with Fanny’s mission on this blog?

I believe we cannot attract the kind of relationship we want until we are willing to do some work on our own personal growth. We may think we know what we want for our life, but until it is written down with a bit of structure and planning, it goes nowhere. We cannot leave our love life up to chance.

If you are already in a good relationship, this kind of exercise can help to change it from merely “good” to “great!” That’s something we all deserve!

May you create joy and abundance in all things this next year!

I’m off to work on my own 2009 goals!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

HO! HO! HO!

I hope your Santa is good tonight -

And leaves your fanny

nice and bright!

Bah! Humbug!

There is a funny cartoon about two beautiful tree ornaments discussing the stockings over the mantle. One says, “I’ve heard they are really hung!” Well, I suppose a hung stocking is better than one that is not hung. What do you think?

On a slightly more serious tone, what do you want to find in your stocking this holiday? Is that different from what you expect to get in your stocking?

I know what I want – I’d like my SO to be able to be here with me over the holidays. What I expect I’ll get is “ashes and switches” (oh my!), because I don’t always act very nice about him not being here. As grateful as I am to have him in my life, I still get pissy when he is obligated to be somewhere else instead of here with me, especially over holidays.

There are several very funny video clips going around about how men don’t always give the right gift at Christmas. I remember getting a mixer one Christmas from a husband. He couldn’t understand why I was a little upset, even though I needed the mixer. We women can be a funny lot, don’t you think?

Then there was the opposite gift from my second husband that he paid $60 for at Victoria’s Secret. It was a flimsy red, see-through shorty nighty with fluff around the bottom and a few spaghetti straps here and there – something that anyone who really knows me would exclaim how inappropriate it was. As it turned out, he enjoyed wearing it a whole lot more than I did! (Yes, you heard that right!)

For me, the message is not about receiving diamonds or jewelry of any kind, but about a gift that reflects a little thought – a gift that indicates the giver knows who I am really. The fluffy red costume showed a total lack of that understanding.

There are no material presents that can make up for the lack of your lover’s presence, however, no matter how understanding s/he may be.

So I’m having a difficult time getting into the spirit of Christmas this year. I put a red candle in the middle of my table, bought a beautiful poinsettia, and put a snowman mobile at my front door. Other than that, I didn’t put up any decorations.

Although I do feel a bit of the old "Bah! Humbug!" I know better than to sit home and mope. As I drive around, the lights on the homes of other people help to buoy up my spirits. I put my Christmas CDs on, turn up the volume, and play them so I can listen to them outside and anywhere else in the house. I’ll go to several parties that friends are having, and get dressed up.

By the time I write my next post, Christmas will be over and we’ll be looking toward 2009. In the meantime, I’d love to know what you want for Christmas, as well as what you expect, and the reason for the difference.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

You're All I Want for Christmas....!

I imagine many of you are stressed out over doing your Holiday shopping. Therefore, I’ve created a list that will help you click off what you need to buy for yourself or that significant other in your life! Many of these items can be purchased online. Others can be non-tangible and presented in a nice free card from Naughty Cards that can express your sentiments in just the…uh, naughtiest way!

• How about starting out the season with satin sheets – RED to match the season? They have other colors and sizes, too.

• If you have the money to spare, how about a secret renewal to his prescription of Cialis, Viagra, or Levitra? According to my unbiased personal research, Cialis is better than the others. No! I do not benefit financially by your use of this, but your love life will benefit.

• How about a box of condoms? Make up a box of different kinds and have fun trying out the different ones. Any size will do, actually. Once, a guest speaker for my human sexuality class took a “small” condom and blew it up into a balloon that was about 18” in diameter, then said, “Don’t let anyone ever tell you it’s too small or not big enough!” Good lesson!

• Promise a simple sexy candlelight meal with the kids farmed out for the evening. Send them to a friend’s and offer to return the favor.

• I think the local prostitutes are missing an opportunity to offer gift cards. If you know some of the more reputable ones, ask about it! And ask if you can go along to watch! (giggle)

• In that same vein, how about a gift card for a professional massage, either alone or with you. I know a few massage therapists who would love to give a massage to a couple at the same time.

• Speaking of massages, how about offering a gift of giving your lover a massage yourself? Go take lessons, if you need to, but most of us know how to give a good sensual massage. There are good books on this, if you feel a little hesitant about your abilities.

• If you are looking for a different way to spend the holidays, don’t stay home and shovel snow (hire a neighbor kid to do that). Read through this book together and find a nude beach or resort where you can enjoy the sun in all your glory. I love this kind of gift!!

• One of my favorite gifts would be a pedicure at the local beauty salon. I had my very first pedicure EVER this past summer. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven! This is not a gift just for the women, by the way. My pedicurist says that she gives them to men all the time. They come in with tired, calloused feet and she really pampers them.

• If you are single (or wishing you were), give yourself the gift of a membership in one of the many dating sites listed at the bottom of this page. There are sites to fit every need, from “just a friend” to more edgy stuff.

• For you alone, or you with one other, or many others, check out some of these wonderful sex toys. Then go play with them throughout the holidays and 2009!

• You can find just about anything you like at Amazon - from sex toys to satin sheets to books on masturbation! And if you get bored with sex, you can always just curl up with a good book! Check out the link on this page for an Amazon gift card.

• I’m sure I’ve forgotten many of the other things you can give, but you all have creative minds, I’m sure. Most of all, I want to remind you to give yourself and each other the gift of time! This can mean quality time together, or time spent alone recuperating from a hectic year. Trust me, time will go by much faster than you realize. Don’t miss a single minute of it!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Pearl Harbor Commemoration

Today marks another anniversary of the bombing at Pearl Harbor. I had no problem in finding a connection between the intentions of this blog and that event, an event that ushered the United States into a second World War that was already going on in Europe. Prostitution immediately came to mind.

While I was doing the research I needed to write this, there were several issues that surfaced. While prostitution is an “evil corruption” in the minds of most people, there is a subtle change during wartime – or maybe it’s not so subtle.

During war, it becomes a lucrative industry because, after all, we need to give the troops something to live for, we need a way to take care of a man’s needs, we need to let the men have their fun, and even provide it for them - don't we? Not only that, as long as a virile young man is away from his family, having prostitutes around keep these men from latching on to the more “respectable” women. This seems to go back to the "raping and pillaging" of olden times.

When women wanted to join the WAACs (Women's Army Auxiliary Corps), the rumors started to fly that they were all either lesbians or prostitutes. Any Army man caught dating a WAAC was immediately and automatically given medical treatment.

One article I found stated: “In WWII Hawaii, prostitutes were inspected by the vice squad, licensed, and given a strict set of rules (the breaking of which resulted in a severe beating by police).” If you have an interest in this topic, I highly recommend this article. It goes into the legality of brothels, quotas for servicing the servicemen, and rates to be charged.

Victory Girls, Khaki-Wackies, and Patriotutes: The Regulation of Female Sexuality During World War II is a book I tried to find for this post, but my local library didn’t have it. If you can find it, the book would probably be worth a read for those of us who are interested. The title alone sounds like fun. Here are two quotes from the book that I did find online. I don't know the exact pages, but I can give credit to the author, Marilyn E. Hegarty.

“During World War II, prostitutes and many waitresses were required to carry health cards that stated they were free of venereal diseases.”

“Apparently it was not always necessary for a woman to be unescorted or to be displaying blatant sexual availability to be viewed with suspicion.”

I cannot leave the Pacific Rim without mentioning another controversial practice. I have seen estimates that range from 100,000 to 400,000 women who were taken as sex slaves and forced to service as many as fifty Japanese soldiers a day during the war. At least 80-90% were from Korea. These women were euphemistically called “comfort women.” The soldiers would go to “comfort houses” maintained by the Japanese government.

I have a Korean colleague who refuses to call them “comfort women.” She said, “Let’s call them what they were – sex slaves.” Song of the Exile is an excellent novel by Kiana Davenport that focuses on one Korean-Hawaiian woman and her painful life during that period of time.

Meanwhile, on the mainland of the United States, Tampa, Florida became an important staging ground during World War II, and became famous for its prostitution and venereal disease. In the spring of 1943, Florida passed laws prohibiting prostitution and pre-marital sex. I suppose the assumption was that if you were not married and having sex, you were a prostitute! If a woman was thought to be “immoral,” she was grabbed and given an invasive vaginal examination.

In the European Theater of World War II, the Nazi state forced prostitution in order that the German soldiers could be sexually satisfied. It is estimated that a minimum of 34,140 women from occupied states were forced to work as prostitutes during the Third Reich in the camp bordellos or confiscated hotels. These were known as German Soldier's Houses.

So where am I going with this fragmented history? One instructor states that “today we condemn female prostitutes without acknowledging that a large tourist and military presence supports sexual services.”

While I do not condone forced prostitution, I do believe that those who engage in sex as a career need some sort of health care regulations in order to reduce the rate of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. We need to create a supportive environment for these workers (women and men) that provides them with legal, economic and social services.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny