Him or Her or….?

The subject of swinging this past week certainly brought a lot to the surface, didn’t it? One big issue that developed out of that post pertained to bisexuality. Homosexuality for all genders has been in the news lately, especially with the new law in California. Let’s all stand up and give a big “HOORAH” for that!

HOORAH!

Thank you! If it had happened in any other state, I think people across the country would have paid more attention, but you know how those Californians are! They are always the first to do something a bit daring and out of the ordinary. They are weird anyway!

The bisexual, however, has been misunderstood and much maligned by both sides of the argument. In the mind of the conservative, if someone has sexual interests in another of the same sex at any time, they are queer. At the same time, the homosexual thinks that a bisexual person is fence-sitting. OUCH!

I want to plead a case for the person who is not bound by any limits, either homosexual or heterosexual. Think about it! Isn’t there so much more to attraction than the genitalia of someone’s physical body and what they are capable of doing with it?

For many years, I have said that I am turned on by a personality and intelligence, not by any particular gender, race, age, size, blah blah. I’m not putting down those who stay at their own end of the continuum, whichever end that might be. I’m simply saying that it’s so much more fun to be open to either end (so to speak)!

Lifting our eyes from the genitalia to encompass the mind can broaden our global perspective in a beautiful way. I’m not sure where I saw it, but years ago there was a bumper sticker that said, “Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” I heartily believe that! Too often we run across a beautiful body with a bimbo mind (both male and female).

The concept of personality comes into play here. As a psychologist, I know there are many different personality types, as well as many different ways to determine what your personality type may be. Find someone with a personality that intrigues you, that attracts you, that you enjoy being around, and can tolerate for longer than a quickie. Then play with their genitals and see what comes up (as it were)!

That’s enough on that topic for now. I’m sure we will come back to it. I’ll see you next Sunday with another juicy tidbit.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Swing Low, Sweet…

After last week’s blog on polyamory, an excellent question came up about the difference between “polyamory” and “swinging.”

http://www.libchrist.com/poly/polyvsswing.html is a lengthy post about the difference. I won’t try to improve on that. I believe that swinging can lead to polyamory, but it is not intended to do so.

Therefore, I would like to discuss only swinging today and let you come to your own conclusion about the difference. Years ago, it was referred to as “wife swapping,” but this seemed to be rather androcentric, and doesn’t come close to explaining the depth of the activity.

In spite of prudish societies, swinging has been in existence since the ancient Romans, at least, and probably even longer ago than that. Sexual curiosity is nothing new.

In more modern times, military personnel felt it was a duty to take care of the wives of buddies who were off to battle. The women who were left behind certainly needed something besides a dildo to satisfy certain sexual hungers, didn’t they? Even the Bible refers to a man’s obligation to take care of his deceased brother’s wife.

Sometimes there are parties where groups of people come together to play in front of others, commonly called an orgy. This can be an acceptable way of being either an exhibitionist or a voyeur. Some couples really get stimulated by watching their partner with someone else. Often, however, this ends up with two or more going off into another room for more privacy.

One early form of playing involved tossing your house keys into a bowl when you entered a party, then randomly taking out another set of keys. This would indicate the person you went home with for the evening, or longer. I suppose there was titillation in not knowing who you would end up with.

Years ago, I belonged to a traveling nudist club in Southern California. It was promoted as being for people who enjoyed sunning in the nude. I discovered that it was a thinly veiled swinging group. All of us did enjoy nudity, but the playing that took place at those parties proved there was an interest in more than just feeling the warmth of the sun on our bodies.

Various games were played to determine who would be your sex partner, or playmate for the evening. One game was to have the men stand behind a sheet with holes cut into it. They would place their erect penises through the holes and the women had to identify which was the penis of their husband or partner. Part of the fun was in going up and down the line, feeling each penis. I have a hunch that the women made intentional mistakes.

There are many forms of swinging. It is not always swapping partners or spouses. Sometimes it is a couple who invites a single person to join them. There is no jealousy involved, no “love,” no sense of ownership. It is simply something to give their sex life a shot in the arm. Often it is a natural progression among people who are good friends – an extension of their fondness for each other.

Once again, I send you to Google where you will find many formal organizations of people who are into swinging. If that is your fantasy, then go for it. You won’t have any trouble finding others also interested in playing. Some couples seek out others to meet when they travel to other states or countries. Please make sure everyone practices safe sex, and has been tested recently.

I hope I have broadened your perspective!

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

Poly-What??

For a little fun, look through a dictionary. Seriously! Check out words beginning with “poly,” and you will find all sorts of innuendos, if not outright sexy stuff. In my Webster’s New World Dictionary (WNWD), an old second college edition, there were five columns devoted to words that begin with “poly.”

Let's start with one we’ve all heard – polygamy. Whatever meaning you’ve ever given that word, I’ll bet you have it wrong! According to my WNWD, it is the state or practice of having more than one wife or husband at the same time. In other words, it’s having a plural marriage. Those lucky animals who are not human, they get to be polygamous all the time, because they can mate with more than one of the opposite sex and no one reports them to the authorities.

What we normally think of as polygamy, is really polygyny, which is having more than one wife or concubine at the same time. “Concubine” is WNWD’s word, not mine, but it is a rather sweet old-fashioned word, isn’t it? There are botanical and zoological meanings to that word, too, but we won’t go there this time.

If a woman decides to play with more than one man, she is polyandrous. We don’t run into that much, but sounds like something to look into. Again, those lucky stiffs in botany and zoology get to do that all the time.

There are other words in the “poly” vein that can have many meanings – uh, polysemic (having many meanings or being open to many meanings).

Try polydactyl – having more than the normal number of fingers or toes. That sounds like fun. I can think of all sorts of uses for a polydactyl lover, can’t you? (big evil grin)

Of course, there are some pleasant words with no particularly sexy meanings, like Polynesia (where I live), or polymath (a person of great and diversified learning). Those words give me a nice warm and cozy feeling.

My favorite “poly” word of all is polyamorous. My WNWD is so old that it’s not even listed in there! But check for it on the internet. In 0.12 seconds, Google came up with about 322,000 entries for polyamorous! They even have their own society.

I definitely can recommend a nice evening stroll through some of those listings. A site like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory can give you the nitty-gritty of it, but for sheer pleasure and fantasizing, I suggest you try http://www.polyamory.org/ or http://www.polyamorysociety.org/ or . . . well, I can’t even begin to name them all!

But please do take the Polyamory Purity Test http://www.polyamory.org/purity.html and you’ll find out just how impure you really are!

I blow you a kiss!

Fanny

Welcome to my blog!

For many years I have taught, counseled, advised, and experimented with issues around relationships, sexual behaviors, thoughts, and fantasies. In this blog I will present topics of interest and share my answer to questions students and/or friends have asked over the ages.

I’ve heard it said that “there is nothing new under the sun,” and that certainly is true in the world of sexuality. We may think we’ve invented a new position, enacted new fantasies, discovered new thrills, but I can guarantee you that it’s all been done before. If you don’t believe me, check out http://www.ameanet.com/, the World Museum of Erotic Art.

In today’s world, questions often revolve more around whether something is too kinky or bizarre, if there are any legalities to be observed, ways to make a good relationship better. Even when we think we know all about it, I still get questions about how a person’s body functions, and what is happening when we get “turned on.”

You are welcome to send your questions to me via email (fanny.lucette@gmail.com) and I will do my best to answer. You may also add comments, which I moderate before they are posted. My intent is to write a brief article that will be available every Sunday morning. That’s a good time to explore new options in bed with a lover, or even alone! So please subscribe to this blog via Google Reader to get it fresh and hot!

I blow you a kiss!
Fanny