How Can I Explain?

I recently was asked how a woman’s brain and body work together. I’ll do my best to answer. This may or may not be brief, but if anyone really wants to know my answer to this question this morning, they will read it through. Because I cannot speak for all women, this will be about me. Still I’m sure many women find themselves in the same place.

How often I have said that I am a complicated person. I’ve known that all along. I have a hunch this is fairly typical of most women, which is why men say they will never understand us.

For me, sex can be either strictly physical, or it can be a combination of physical and psychological or emotional. Fortunately, during my single years, I learned how to make it more strictly physical, so I wouldn’t get hurt emotionally. I was ready to give it up entirely because I was tired of the “game.”

Then my lover came along – and out of the blue, sex became both physical and psychological/emotional again – for better or worse. It is scary to be so vulnerable.

There are times when I am overwhelmed with a sexual need, and it’s not just when we get together after being apart for several weeks. He likes to refer to it as a "virgin" quality. Sometimes that raw sexual need comes after he’s been here a couple days, and has nothing to do with not being "used" for a while.

It also comes when he is not here. That’s masturbation time!

Sometimes when he first gets here, what I really want is for him to hold me tight, caress me, tell me how he’s missed me. That is sexual for me, although not specifically "sex." I need the spoken words more than he does.

I’ve often told clients that there are a million ways to make love – sex is only one! I recently wrote about it in a post. So when we are working together outside or on any project, that (to me) is making love, too. Teaching together, cooking or eating a meal together, all of that is making love.

So back to SEX. Sometimes I like it the way he does - light lubrication, nice erect penis, feeling “taken” in a way, because I love his neediness, and I enjoy responding to it. The goal, however, is not orgasm specifically, but the entire act can be exceptionally satisfying. The same thing happens for him, so I know he understands.

What I need changes, too. Sometimes I need (and crave) a long time in the bed with him slowly fingering me. Sometimes I need (and crave) some of the more kinky ways we play.

The big question comes as to how to let him know when I need a certain style of sex, but the problem is that while I can write it (like here), I am still too shy to tell him what I’m needing. He’s attempting to pull me through that.

He knows the things that turn me on, and in the past, I’ve expected him to just spontaneously provide it. That’s not fair to him, and as a result, sometimes it doesn’t happen.

I know these feelings are not exclusively mine. Others who read it will say, “Oh yes, that’s exactly the way it is.”

I like it all! And whichever way he wants to start is absolutely fine with me! The idea is to just start!

I blow you a kiss ~
Fanny