Cop A Feel – of Yourself!

It’s difficult to believe that in this modern day, people still have questions about masturbation. How in the world are you ever going to let your partner know what button to push, how to stroke, where it tingles, if you don’t know it yourself?

This would also include learning how to expect an orgasm to feel, but we’ll get into the Big O another time. Right now, let’s talk about how someone masturbates.

What do you do when those needy feelings come over you? You know the ones I mean – where you think if you don’t get fucked within the next five minutes, you’re going to explode inside? Yeah, those feelings! I knew you knew what I was talking about. Sometimes they just come up on you with no explanation, right?

It always seems to happen when no one is around to come to your rescue, so you prance around the house, trying to avoid it. Or you wake up from a mid-afternoon snooze and it just has to be right now! Your partner is off on a trip, or doesn’t live with you, or won’t be home from work for another two hours. Even the cock (uh…rooster) outside your window is starting to look good.

Finally there is nothing else to be done but to take yourself in hand.

Now, I’ve heard that for the male species, it’s a fairly simple and natural procedure, and one they start fairly early in life without even being taught. Since I’m not a man, I can’t really verify that, but I have talked to quite a few guys about it - and had fun watching more than a few! I really am not convinced that it’s any more complicated than boiling water.

Before I get too involved in this, let me say that I haven’t heard whether men fantasize doing their own hand job, so if any men out there can clue me in, please feel free!

But, oh boy, let me tell you about women!! I haven’t talked with very many women who don’t fantasize while masturbating. I highly recommend Nancy Friday’s books, starting with My Secret Garden (see the Amazon list on the left). I laughed at the one man quoted in the book as saying that his wife never had to fantasize because he was all she needed. Uh huh!

Well, guys, let me clue you in – it’s not because your penis doesn’t excite us. Personally, I can get quite excited over a penis (on the right man). Rather, it’s because our minds lead an exceptionally active life around our sexuality, and we don’t even know where it comes from.

Face it, we women often take a bit longer to reach a climax – or two or six or….

Perhaps it’s as simple as rolling over on your side with your hands between your legs, moving against them until you feel It. Or stretching out on your back, legs spread, and slowly exploring every nook and cranny until you can’t wait a second longer.

Some women make an afternoon or whole day out of a masturbating session. They will dress in a certain way, let their minds flow over made-up conversations, allow the need to build up. There may even be several orgasms throughout the day as they pretend they are the main character in their own drama.

Wearing a butt plug around for several hours keeps some women stimulated while they do their household chores. Women have told me of looking at their collection of dildos, tenderly caressing each one – maybe trying out several before they make the big decision. Even the process of opening a jar or tube of lubricant can send a shudder up a woman’s spine.

And how about other objects around the house? Cucumbers (peeled or not), carrots, Japanese eggplants, candles, peeled ginger (oh my!), bananas, a plump raw drumstick (there’s that damned rooster again).

I suspect the ways women masturbate are as great as the number of women on the planet. A male client once said he envied women the richness that comes from taking their time to let their minds go places where they might never go in reality. We’ll continue to talk about fantasies from time to time. There’s a wealth of goodies there to discuss.

So cop a feel, girlfriends (and guys)! Write to me if you wish, tell me your stories, ask your questions. I assure you that nothing will shock me, and that however you pleasure yourselves, it’s absolutely going to be a time of delight.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Poly/Mono Relationships

The following question came to me in a comment on my swinging blog. http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/swing-low-sweet_26.html

“Dear Fanny, if I recognize that one person can never meet all my needs (physical, emotional, recreational, etc.), but my partner thinks one person can and SHOULD, what course(s) of action do you recommend?”

Since that question arrived, I also have had telephone and online conversations with others about the exact same topic. There was a clear indication that the topic needed to be addressed soon.

Now, I know that this question, and the subsequent conversations I had with other people, relates not to something as simple as hobbies. What they seem to be asking really is “What if I need (and want) to be sexual with more than one person and my partner doesn’t?” This would include the jealousy factor, especially if the monogamous partner doesn’t want to “play around.”

But for ease of discussion, let’s start with hobbies as an example. What if you love horseback riding (so to speak…ahem) and the other is frightened to death of anything larger than a small kitten. Should you give up riding horses and take up knitting? I think not! You would probably find a friend to go riding with you (cough cough).

I can’t conceive of anything more boring than two people who always have to do everything together. Sharing a great number of interests can be one way of enhancing a relationship, but the need to have separate outside interests of your own is quite another issue. I believe that if each person has their own pleasures and finds someone else to share them with, then they have more to bring back to the party, in a sense.

Now, back to the notion of sexual partnerships. This is such a common problem that groups and blogs exist that are made up of people in relationships where one partner wants a monogamous relationship, stating (and believing) that the other partner can (and should) meet all their needs. But your partner cannot and does not fulfill all your needs. Perhaps you have a need not to feel tied down to one person and you are interested in either other outside interests or in a polyamorous relationship. http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/poly-what_26.html

So what do you do about this?

There is so much to take into consideration. I think you need to realize that discussing it with your partner could ultimately end up in divorce or an ending of the relationship. If you are willing to take that chance, then take the next step.

The first thing you may need to do is reassure your partner that s/he is still loved and primary in your life. Ask questions that will draw out their feelings. It might be a good time to discuss how you both think the relationship is going. The typical response, might be “Everything is fine,” even though you know it’s not. It’s a sure bet that the mono-minded partner has already picked up on your dissatisfaction. Maybe you’ve even talked about it a bit already. You could casually bring it up as a question, then admit they may have a valid concern.

One question might be, “Have you noticed a decline in the excitement (or whatever word you want to use) of our relationship?” Discuss why the two of you think that is happening, and ask for suggestions. You may be surprised at the response.

It’s critical that you do not place blame on the other person. It’s not their fault that you are restless, or need more than one person to satisfy your needs. Own up to it, even though it might be easier to point the finger.

At some point in the conversation, you need to ask how they would feel if you went horseback riding with someone else (back to our “hobby” example). “I know you hate horses, and would rather not be pulled along every time I go, but it’s very important that I continue riding, and I’d like to go with other horse people.” This opens up the conversation to other activities that the two of you need to do separately.

“Swinging” might be a beginning, if you can entice your partner to try it. It is very possible that three-somes and “more-somes” can stimulate your sex life, and your affection for each other. If agreed to and it all works out, then it could develop into a lovely polyamorous situation.

Again, gradually begin to ask more pertinent questions, such as “Have you ever thought you’d like to be sexual with someone other than me?” They may deny it, but if the communication between you is good, the other person may admit they have thought about it from time to time. Even if they say “no,” your partner will surely come back with “Have you?” Be ready with your answer - no hemming and hawing here!

But SEX is the one intimacy many people are not willing to share. The instant the conversation uh…swings around to that, you can expect emotions to flare. Again, you need to know that it might mean the end to your relationship. Are you willing to risk the consequences?

Everything I’ve suggested depends on the sort of relationship the two of you have established over a period of time. It may be that it’s more important to concede to your partner, and keep your needs inside, at least for the time being.

I keep having ideas about all this, but I’m sure this topic will pop up again. I haven’t solved the situation for you, and may have made it worse. Now is your time to be 100% honest with yourself and decide what is most important to you.

And sometimes the best thing to do is simply to have a discrete affair.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny (who loves horses - and aren't those beautiful draft horses in the picture?)

Who's Your Daddy?

Because today is Father’s Day, it’s appropriate that I talk about fantasies both men and women have about being or having a Daddy.

Perhaps a good place to begin is with what it means to be a Daddy. What are the thoughts that come to mind when you think of a Daddy? Probably many of us think of someone who loves us, takes care of our needs on a daily basis. Our idea of a Daddy might be someone who buys us treats when we’re good, or spanks us when we’ve been naughty.

When I think of a Daddy, I also think of someone who encourages us in our endeavors, stands up for us (and with us) against the world. We might envision a Daddy who helps us with our homework and teaches us about life, a man of wisdom who guides us on our path.

If we take the concept of a Daddy into the sexual realm, would we not expect to find the same sort of fondness, support and guidance? So whether it’s a relationship of a gay man with a gay “son,” or a woman of any age who is seeking a “Daddy” figure, I think we can understand the fantasy better if we go back to our original concept of what makes a Daddy. Our fantasy Daddy will have the same attributes.

I don’t think we ever get too old to need a Daddy. Some want a more loving Daddy who spoils us, while some want a more strict Daddy who will discipline with an iron hand. And some seek a Daddy who can incorporate both aspects as necessary. This may come under the category of “kinky” for many people, and yet it is not uncommon in what we would consider “normal” relationships.

For each person, the age they like to role play is different. Some persons of all genders even enjoy being babied, diapered and fed like a baby, but with the added benefits of a relationship. For most people, however, the preference is to to be a little girl/boy or teen for their Daddy.



There also is a difference in how this relationship is played out. For a few couples, it is a special “sometime” event for sexual play; for others it is 24/7 and the “child” dresses the part at all times. http://musotica.com/seligilo.html For more outfits and toys, please click on the Adam & Eve link in the left sidebar.

Personally, I think it’s adorable to see an adult woman out in public wearing cute little socks, Mary Jane shoes and a pony tail or ribbon in her hair. Without a doubt I know she has found her Daddy and doesn’t care who knows it. If appropriate, I will sometimes tell the woman (with a nod and knowing smile) that I like her outfit.

I have had women tell me their Daddy fantasies, then ask me if their fantasy was strange or weird. I reassured them it was not. This type of fantasy may or may not have anything to do with the relationship they had with their own father in growing up, and it may or may not be a reaction to whether they were abused or spoiled.

A friend once said she wished she could have had a Daddy. Her own father had been an abusive drunk, and she fantasized about having a loving Daddy who would take her on his knee and hug her. I couldn’t relate to her because I had such a special relationship with my own Daddy.

Please understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with real children! That is not what it’s all about. But the thought of an adult dressing and playing the role of a child or teen is very much a turn-on for some men. It can be a beautiful match when the man who wants to be a Daddy finds the woman or man who wants to be their daughter or son.

So I ask you – who’s your Daddy?

And to all you Daddies out there - HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!

I blow you a kiss ~

Fanny

Not Even A Fig Leaf

I once had a fantasy!

Oh, come on, not that kind of fantasy (blush)! We’ll talk about that other kind soon, I promise.

This particular fantasy was that when I retired, I would buy a home and live in a nudist colony for the rest of my life. I’d be among my own kind – people who considered it normal to be walking around without any clothes on, and simply love to feel the sun on their bodies. In spite of any fantasies you may have had about nudism, you aren’t necessarily titillated by the nude people around you.

I seriously began to look at websites of places in Southern California, Florida, Mexico, Hawaii – anywhere I thought would have good weather for nudists. Other than weather, my main consideration was that it had to accommodate full-time living, and not just weekends. Of course, it would need to be warm enough that I didn’t need to bundle up, but cool enough that I wouldn’t burn in the glorious sun. You have to be careful or you can burn places on your body you didn’t know you had!

Back in the days…we talked about and went to "nudist camps", and we were considered "nudists." Now the word has been upgraded (more politically correct?) to “naturists.” Whatever you want to call us, I don’t want to wear even a fig leaf!

The traveling nudist club I belonged to in Southern California (mentioned in an earlier post http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/swing-low-sweet_26.html) wasn’t really about swinging, as I insinuated. It was a group of people (singles, couples, families) who traveled to various camps to enjoy the day, and met once a month as a group for potluck and fun. Children, adults, and teens alike enjoyed the freedom of “clothing optional.” It was not forced on the youth, but truly “optional” for anyone.

If you have never tried going in the nude for anything other than a bath or shower, or just around the house, you owe it to yourself to try it. The Trade Association for Nude Recreation has a page devoted to “A Special Message for First-Timers.” It is well written and covers everything you’ve always wanted to know about nudism or naturism. I suspect that most people have wondered what it would be like. Go to http://www.tanr.com/ and click on the oval button near the top marked “First-Timer Message.”

The TANR site also lists many clubs on the left-hand sidebar. I have friends who love camping out at Paradise Lakes near Tampa, Florida http://www.paradiselakes.com/. It’s also one that has condos and homes for sale for full-time living. Click around on the site to see what’s available.

The Glen Eden Sun Club in Corona, California (http://www.gleneden.com/) was one I enjoyed going to with friends. It is the third largest nudist park in the U.S. In fact, there is a big event there this very weekend. And I’m stuck at my computer trying to convince people to “go nude!”

For an interesting oxymoron, check out this article in a Central Arizona newspaper (http://www.azcentral.com/ent/pop/articles/1207nudists1207-CR.html).

There are a few sites listed on the sidebar of this post. Each of these links has numerous links to other sites. Have fun browsing and fantasizing like I did (and still do). You’re sure to find the right one for you.

Maybe I’ll “see” you sometime?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~

Fanny