A Million Ways To Make Love

When people come to me with questions about sex and/or their sexuality and the over-abundance (or under-abundance) of it, I have one answer.


“There are a million ways to make love. Sex is only one way.”


Well, maybe “a million” is a slight exaggeration. I have been known to use my Irish propensity for stretching the truth. But let’s say it’s “a hundred.” It's still a bunch of fun ways to tell someone what you think of them, and improve the quality of your love life immensely.


Maybe this is about more than just making love – maybe it’s about keeping your relationship alive for the long haul. I could tell a personal story about every single one of these, but you have your own.


Your assignment for the week, boys and girls, is to start your list of one hundred ways to make love. Feel free to pick-and-choose from this list. It will give you a head start. And don’t use these only for foreplay, please. Let them each stand alone as a statement.


1. Cook a meal together (in peace)
2. Give a neck rub (and only the neck)
3. Order a beautiful piece of lingerie for her/him online (let it be a surprise)
4. Brush his/her hair (gently)
5. Wash her/his back in the shower
6. Listen to what s/he has to say (incredibly sexy)
7. Hold hands in public (no matter how old you are)
8. Continue telling her/him how attractive he/she is (no matter how old or plump)
9. Give little special treats (non-fattening, of course)
10. Send flowers (even guys like to get flowers at work)
11. Serve breakfast in bed (or lunch or dinner)
12. Have cookies and milk at midnight in the kitchen (don’t want crumbs in the bed)
13. Do pillow talk (about all sorts of things)
14. Hide love notes (to be found at odd times and in odd places)
15. Read good books out loud to each other (maybe the book at the bottom of this post?)
16. Send text messages during the day
17. Learn their favorites (of anything – food, music, movies)
18. Take a life-drawing class together
19. Learn ballroom dancing together
20. Keep the ice-cube trays filled
21. Help make the bed
22. Fold the laundry together
23. Stop whatever you are doing and have “tea.”
24. Trade roles in household tasks occasionally
25. Make a kite, then fly it (without saying “Go fly a kite!”)
26. Sit side by side and listen to the wind (without saying a word)
27. Get up early enough to watch the sunrise together
28. Send “a little something” through snail mail (even if you live together)
29. Send an e-card to say “I love you”
30. Give him/her a chance to take a real nap
31. Keep yourself hygienically clean
32. Be pleasant (and desirable) to be around
33. Get up off the couch occasionally (the world will go on without you)
34. Give a foot massage
35. Plant a garden (anywhere)
36. Take time to watch the sunset together quietly.
37. Do a little star-gazing later
38. Play Santa all year with a tiny (inexpensive) gift in their shoe or stocking at night
39. Play Easter Bunny the same way (no, not that way!)
40. Do housework in the nude
41. Cook dinner in just an apron
42. Go to a nudist beach together (or join a nudist club)
43. Watch a good clean comedy DVD together
44. Watch a dirty DVD together (don’t say I didn’t warn you!)
45. Send a jpg in email of a position you’d like to try (later)
46. Create lots of little surprises (not too many, or they won’t be surprises anymore)
47. Spank him/her, then cuddle afterward
48. Cuddle without the spanking sometimes
49. Respect her/his privacy
50. Raise chickens or guppies or children together (enjoy the parenting process)
51. Plan meals together
52. Wash the car for him/her (or together)
53. Make sure her/his car has sufficient fuel and air in the tires
54. Talk about your fantasies
55. Talk about your beliefs
56. Talk about your disbeliefs
57. Talk!
58. Learn how to say “I love you” in a different language.
59. Splurge on a concert ticket for a favorite artist
60. Visit a museum
61. Accept his/her friends
62. Make a sand castle
63. Pull taffy (can’t be done alone)
64. Go fishing together (and bait her/his hook)
65. Plant an oak tree
66. Sing to him/her (even if you can’t carry a tune)
67. Make dinner a “formal” occasion once a month
68. Sleep in
69. Write a fairy tale (with your lover as hero or heroine)
70. Pick up after yourself
71. Replenish the batteries in his/her dildo
72. Pretend you’ve just met (and are telling the other about yourself)
73. Take vitamins
74. Dance in the rain (naked or clothed)
75. Hang up your bath towel
76. Buy a bottle of kid’s bubbles and blow bubbles at each other
77. Take a bubble bath, too
78. Have a Cool Whip fight
79. Say “please” and “thank you” often
80. Maintain your individuality
81. Lighten up!
82. Think possible
83. Watch your budget carefully (and plan it together)
84. Learn yoga or tai chi
85. Be generally courteous (we often neglect this with our partners)
86. Recycle
87. Be encouraging (rather than discouraging)
88. Practice humility
89. Live peacefully
90. Keep your cool
91. Walk together (in the woods, around the block, in a park)
92. Think “green”
93. Honor schedules
94. Be flexible
95. Create a scrapbook together
96. Have a snowball fight (if you live where there’s snow)
97. Go to a circus or carnival – and laugh
98. Share responsibilities (decide together)
99. Clean the shower stall when you’re finished
100. SEX!


Gosh! I’ll bet you thought I’d forget that one! Not a chance! To be honest, I could go on with this list forever, because I’ve just gotten started!


So maybe there are “a million ways,” after all. Tell me some of your ways, please.

Indecent?

An editorial in the L.A. Times this past week brought up an interesting issue. It’s “old news”, of course, so why does it keep coming up?


Some of the fuddy-duddies in this world insist on trying to protect us from whatever it is they consider “indecent.” According to the article, many uptight lawmakers consider our First Amendment to the Constitution merely “a suggestion.”


I don’t want to make this into a political forum, but just what is indecent?


A naked body of any size, form, position, or gender? Two (or more) people in the act of making love, or procreating, or playfully enjoying themselves (or maybe playing with themselves?) Learning about our bodies and how they differ from someone else’s body? Partial nudity? Classical art? Birth control?


Or is indecency handing lethal weapons to angry people? Watching bodies getting maimed in the streets? Seeing our offspring killed in the classrooms? Sending our underprivileged youth to fight an rich old man’s war?


Why am I able to turn on the TV and watch a suicide bomber, but I can’t find an X-rated movie without paying for it? Why can I be shown how to load a gun, but I can’t be shown how to put on a condom?


Does the person who came up with “abstinence only” have a problem with premature ejaculation? Or perhaps thinking about all the typical hormones that are raging among our youth is enough to make an old guy masturbate?


When was the pleasure of using a dildo taken away from us by calling it a different name? Watch this video if you want to laugh your pants off!


(Oops, I’d better not say that! It’s indecent!)


Why do people think some legislation will “protect” our innocent young? Why is it not up to parents to keep children from seeing the hard stuff (if we think it’s too naughty for them)?


Why do parents want to keep their children from having sex education in the public schools? Are they teaching it at home? How? Why are young people made to wait until they get to college to voluntarily take a course in the diversity of human sexuality?


What kind of law is it that prohibits any two or more people from having sex any way they want, regardless of position or gender or whatever?


Who decided that Tarzan and Jane shouldn’t be read by children because they were living together without benefit of marriage? And what about those apes, huh?? Do we honestly believe children are pondering the wages of sinful living when they read (and enjoy) those adventures?


Has anyone ever considered that Superman might have been a cross-dresser? What about Wonder Woman? Was she a dominatrix? Heavens!!! Keep those comics away from the children, please! They might get ideas!


The more I write this post, the more questions I have. There are too many questions with no satisfactory answers in these New Dark Ages. I think I’ll go watch the news. My government seems to think war has some sort of “decency” about it. Why isn’t peace considered decent enough for us?


It all boggles the mind, doesn’t it?