Fanny Lucette

Flights of Fantasy

2010-01-10T01:00:00.002-10:00

Before I begin this tirade against personal freedoms, please read the comment that one anonymous reader sent this past week. It's at the bottom of that post. I’ll wait . . .

Did you read it? Good!

That reader’s comment brought my frustrations with traveling to the surface. Long before terrorists were getting through, I was tormented by the hassles of going through airport security. I was ready to buy my own plane and avoid all commercial flights, except I couldn’t afford one. I honestly did have fantasies of whisking in and out of airports, having my own pilot (gorgeous, of course) and thumbing my nose at the authorities.

With long hair pulled up into a silver clip, I set off their alarms every single time I went through. And they wouldn’t believe me that it was just the clip! So I had to let my hair down, go through the process of trying to get it all back into its proper place, and get on with my trip. I wanted to stick ‘em with my hat pin!

That particular scenario doesn’t hold a candle to what they would have us do now! All along I’ve said that it wasn’t us little old ladies who were the suspects. Our current POTUS has finally said what needed to be said all along – keep them off the plane if they are on a list of naughty guys from a bad country!

Duh! Did it take us this long to figure that out??? I’m as interested in getting the bad guys as the next person, but sometimes I wonder if we haven’t gone too far, and not far enough to really stop the attacks?

Back to my reader’s comment. People have been traveling with dildos in their suitcases and carry-ons for eons, and will continue to do so. The trick, I suppose, is to find a substitute for your dildo (isn't it already a substitute for something else?). Find an object that will do the same job for you without titillating the examiners. But where’s the fun in that, I ask you? I read of one airline that was sued because they embarrassed a poor woman by dragging out her dildo and waving it in front of everyone.

So now this poor anonymous gal (guy?) wants to know about wearing butt plugs while traveling. If you’re a guy, maybe you could tell them it’s a prosthesis for a sagging penis. Or if you’re a gal, tell them it’s the latest thing in tampons and you’re having your period. Does the x-ray machine tell them exactly where this object is located? Hey, guys with knee replacements and pins in broken arms get through the gate, so why not something to help another important part of your body?

I honestly don’t know how to respond to this reader, other than to say, “Wait until you get to where you’re going to get your rocks off.” Either that, or pull it out in front of everyone, hand it to the guard and ask if he'd like to try it on for size. The deal would be to try to embarrass them, instead of letting them have the upper hand. Just don’t land in jail!

To be honest, after seeing some of the passengers, I’m glad it’s not my job to examine the folks going through. But I do I wonder if they’d let me choose which guard to do my strip search? Some of them are rather sexy!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-03T01:00:00.001-10:00

IN 2010. . .

May all your fantasies be naughty

~ ~ ~

May all your lovers be

accommodating

accessible

thoughtful

kinky

fun

Enlightened Women

2009-12-20T01:00:00.005-10:00

This past week, we celebrated the 303rd birthday of an amazing enlightened woman. No, I’m not talking about myself, although sometimes I feel like this woman has taken up residence in my own head.

Her name? Gabrielle-Émilie Le Tonnelier de Breteuil, Marquise du Châtelet, more commonly known as Émilie du Châtelet, born December 17, 1706.

She was not the first, nor has she been the last woman to juggle a husband, children, several lovers outside her marriage, and still manage to be a renowned academician. Any woman who can be sexual and a scientist at the same time has my vote. Brains and promiscuity are not mutually exclusive. The most famous of her lovers was Voltaire, and it was with him that she achieved so much in the scientific world.

No wonder men fell at Émilie’s feet – a seductive smarty-pants with her bosoms pushed up above a low neckline and her billowing skirt hiding other treasures. It’s fun to fantasize about enlightened women like Émilie. I can just imagine men fumbling around and getting lost in her massive skirts as they seek enlightenment with her. I don’t think of her as coy, but rather as a strong woman with needs that could only be met by strong men. She would have intimidated lesser men.

She was lovely beyond words, and still was considered one of the primary scientific minds of the day. She was one of three scientists credited by Einstein as being influential in his work. Émilie was not allowed the elevated status of male scientists, however.

Is it so different today? Have we really gotten much beyond 18th century mentality? Is it time for a new Age of Enlightenment? There are small pockets of folks who believe we should take away the women’s right to vote! Look it up on Google if you don’t believe me!

As an instructor in higher education, I watch as young women are guided into careers that are considered to be more fulfilling for women – nurses, teachers, secretaries. And the young men get much the same treatment. We still wonder what’s wrong with a young man wanting to go into nursing or a young woman who wants to be a mechanic.

And it goes beyond that. A woman who flirts and flaunts is considered to be a bimbo, someone without brains. A woman who dresses sedately and wears glasses is thought to be the scholar. I love the fact that Émilie could be someone’s mistress, enjoy an active sexual life, and still be brainy.

Reading about her was exciting! By the time she was twelve years old, she spoke six languages. In her twenties, she became immensely interested in Newton’s ideas, and with her most well-known lover, Voltaire, she helped to spread Newton’s work. She translated Newton’s Principia into French from the original Latin in order to help spread his ideas.

I celebrate her birth, her courage, and her inspiration to the rest of us. May we all allow ourselves be as enlightened as Émilie du Châtelet.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Promscuity Part 2

2009-12-13T01:00:00.004-10:00

Last Sunday, I addressed the issue of promiscuity, as described by Webster and Roget. This week I want to give other perspectives. As I said before, there are several factors involved in how one would view promiscuity.

I would want to take into account the age, the gender, the relationship of the individual to others, the lifestyle, and more. Think about the following examples:

• If a young teen is exploring the world of sexuality, is that promiscuous or is it normal experimentation?
• Is that different from a young adult who is engaged to be married, or perhaps is already married, and decides to mix things up?
• What about the couple in a committed relationship who mutually decides to become engaged in swinging?
• How about a widowed or divorced older adult who is suddenly free from work or family obligations, and now decides it’s time to enjoy life before s/he is too old or dead?
• What about the example I gave last week of someone who feels abandoned in the relationship and needs to find enjoyment elsewhere?
• Is there a difference between promiscuity and adultery? If so, what?

This is only the beginning of examples any of us could find. I believe it depends on how strongly someone feels about their commitment – or non-commitment – to a relationship. It depends on what a person’s individual needs might be. I would consider whether the promiscuity had crossed the line into sex addiction, which can be disastrous.

Soon after my divorce many years ago, I was promiscuous. I had gone from living with my parents to a girl’s dormitory to marriage for twenty years. I’d never had the chance to explore my sexuality, and I had many casual lovers. Those were enjoyable years, and I learned a lot about who I was, what I really wanted or didn’t want in a relationship, and the type of person I needed to be with (if with anyone at all).

If someone is in a committed relationship, I highly recommend that they discuss their individual needs and come to some agreement. There are ways to involve promiscuity in a civilized manner, and especially if you want to continue in the primary relationship. In today’s world, new ways of keeping a relationship alive are more generally accepted.

Check out my earlier post on polyamory, or another post I did on swinging. Just two weeks ago, I gave sites where you could find other couples interested in swinging.

Sometimes you discover that who you already have is better than anyone else, but just as often, you decide that it is better to take the leap and leave permanently. There are losses and gains on both sides of that question.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this. Please leave comments! In the meantime, think about the many ways you can refresh your world. Life wasn’t meant to be boring.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Promiscuity Part 1

2009-12-06T01:00:00.002-10:00

One reader asked if I would comment on promiscuity. Oh boy! That’s a topic that could be fraught with all sorts of danger!

How one would view promiscuity depends on more than one factor. I think we need to look at a dictionary or a thesaurus first. This will give us a definition and other words to use for this same status.

My dictionary of choice (because it’s all I have at home) is Webster’s New World Dictionary, Second College Edition. It’s old, but I don’t imagine the meaning has changed that much over the past decade or so. The first definition given there states: “Consisting of different elements mixed together or mingled without sorting or discrimination.

Well, my goodness! That could mean a lot of things, couldn’t it? Sometimes I am promiscuous in my cooking. I just mix up a bunch of stuff indiscriminately in a big old cast iron skillet or a large stew pot and it turns out to be a delicious goulash. Maybe I should rename it “Fanny’s Promiscuous Stew.”

Sometimes my garden is rather promiscuous, too. I just toss a bunch of seeds in a little section outside and they all pollinate together to bloom. Pollinating each other sounds a bit sexy, if you ask me.

Since the first definition is not exactly what I think my reader was talking about, let’s try the second definition that old man Webster came up with. Here he says “Characterized by a lack of discrimination.” Anything to go on here?

Of course, that might lead us to wonder what “discrimination” means. A girl could get lost in the vast world of research if she followed every word, searching for a clearer meaning.

Okay, on to the scholarly Mr. Webster’s third definition. He states that promiscuous means “without plan or purpose, or casual.” Let’s follow that one for a minute or two. Does that mean if I’m casually having afternoon tea with someone, I’m promiscuous?

Or perhaps it means that if I go for a walk on a sunny afternoon “without plan or purpose” I’m being promiscuous? If that’s the case, then I’m often promiscuous because I like not being tied to a schedule or having to follow someone else’s agenda.

Since Webster hasn’t done much to satisfy the generally accepted meaning of promiscuous, let’s check my thesaurus (a little more up to date than my dictionary). The first word there is abandoned, followed by words such as easy, licentious, loose, unbridled, wanton, wild. Those are the meanings most people give to the word promiscuous.

Putting all of this together, I came up with this thought. Using Webster’s definitions and the first word in Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus, how about someone who is feeling abandoned, therefore without plan or purpose, decides to mix things up?

Oh, what a devious mind Fanny has!

I have other thoughts on promiscuity and I’ll give those to you next week. In the meantime, enjoy life to the fullest! Life lasts too long not to have a good time.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Swingin’ On A Star

2009-11-29T01:00:00.001-10:00

This is a topic that never seems to go out of style. Some people are engaged in swinging on a regular basis. Other are curious and want to learn more before giving it a whirl. There are those who don’t think they’d ever try it, but are titillated by reading about it.

I admit that we’ve tried it, and for us, it was just so-so. We might try it again someday, but we have no plans in that direction at this point. It depends a lot on the other folks, of course, and simply being friends with another couple doesn’t mean they would make good swingers.

I suggest you read another post I wrote on my thoughts about this topic so I don’t have to repeat myself. What I will do here is give you a short post on a few of the web sites that can lead you to swinging clubs if you’re interested.

Grapevines.org has a listing of swinging clubs throughout the USA as well as internationally. Choose your state or country and find a spot to explore.

At the bottom of this page you will find adultfriendfinder, which also puts couples in touch with other couples.

Or if you are of the “sexy senior” persuasion, you could check out seniorfriendfinder which also gives the option of finding other couples.

You might want to try sdc.com. SDC means Swingers Dating Club. The choices below go well beyond the traditional male/female swapping with one other male/female combo.

Check out the variety of their choices:

* Full Swap Couple, Completely Open * Full Swap Couple, Same Room Only * Soft Swap Couple, Touching or Oral * Soft Swap Couple, Girl on Girl only * Soft swap Couple, Same Room Only * Bisexual Couple * Couple (Girl and Girl) * Straight Female * Bisexual Female * Straight Male * Bisexual Male * She-Male.

If you just want to find out more about it, as well as get a literal glimpse of history, go to Netflix or one of the video stores and look for American Swing, a documentary on Plato’s Retreat, a now defunct swinging club. It was originally a gay bath house, then converted to a swingers club. It finally closed, but reopened again in Ft. Lauderdale. It closed again just a few years ago and reopened recently as a men’s club.

Have fun with your search!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Sexy Seniors

2009-08-09T01:00:00.000-10:00

Okay, I admit it! I’m a senior! And I love sex!

Doesn’t everyone know that sex ends after you walk down the aisle, except occasionally when you want to have another baby? Didn’t you realize that if someone has four children, they must have had sex four times?

Well, let me break it to you gently! To paraphrase an oft-used aphorism, it ain’t over ‘til that clod of dirt hits your coffin.

I think many people have strange notions about “senior sex” - that is, until they start getting older themselves. And for some people, sadly, that may be too true. The passion that started the ball rolling (so to speak) quickly dies when they find out what marriage is about. The wedding was great fun and so exciting – the marriage itself became a dud.

It seems that the older I get, the more I enjoy sex, for a variety of reasons, I’m sure. One reason is that I’ve learned so much more than when I had my first sexual encounter. What an innocent 20-year-old child I was! I do things now that I never ever dreamed of at that precious age. Being experimental is so much fun!

Perhaps one of the biggest reasons sex is more fun now is that I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. That is a big relief! I love the children I have, but I was ready to stop so I could devote more time to the ones I had. Not being involved in the raising of children, I can now give more attention to my own needs.

Another thing - there’s no rush to get to the climax anymore. We can enjoy the process and make it all last longer. Don’t we all like it to last longer? (giggle)

Of course, there can be problems with senior sex, for both male and female. But doing something about those problems is part of the fun. For some of the problems, there are wonderful medications – some better than others.

Yes, older women often experience dryness – but lubricating your woman can be very erotic!

Yes, older men may have difficulty maintaining an erection – but either the little blue pill or the little yellow pill can bring back that thrill.

As an aside, from personal experimentation and experience, I find that the little yellow one (Cialis) is far superior to anything else. It doesn’t require you to “do it” within a certain time period, but gives you the ability anytime you want to within a time period of up to 72 hours! Now that’s what I love – it brings spontaneity back into your love life! (No, I’m not getting paid for this commercial – just telling you what I like!)

If you are young and reading this, you may be thinking “Ewwww!” I’m sure the last visual image you want is of your parents or grandparents with their legs or butt in the air! And all that wrinkly skin – yuk!

But if you think about the ways you enjoy sex now, can you fathom a time when you would give it up? It might take a little more effort in some regards, but it’s so worth it! And when you are focused on the pleasure of having good sex with that wonderful person, you don’t notice the wrinkles or little bit of flab that exists. You may even start to forget your own!

If you are one of the oldies reading this post who might be wondering about yourself, please continue your sex life. Or if it hasn’t been as rewarding or as active as you’d like, stretch yourself, get out there, and touch someone. If it’s broke, fix it!

There are some great sites online where you can find a like-minded soul. On the “FriendFinder” sites listed at the bottom of this page, you can check for someone your age or with your sexual orientation. There is even a SeniorFriendFinder. Just reading the listings and the interests of the people there, you will discover someone with your particular desires. (Hint: go to “home” once you get there and you’ll find more info.)

Are you are looking for someone from a specific or different culture? On the bottom of the home page, you’ll find a FriendFinder for Asia, Germany, Italy, France, Korea, Philippines, and more!

If you are looking for someone with a little kink, you might check out http://alt.com, also listed on the bottom of this page. You may think no one else likes what you do, but you will be delightfully surprised!

You might also join http://fetlife.comwhere people discuss fetishes from your wildest dreams. Doesn’t cost anything to read, explore, fantasize!

Mostly, I’d say get involved in something you love doing in your community. If you meet someone there, at least you have that one activity in common. Working together on a project gives you a chance to know what someone is really like. If you meet someone in a bar, all you have in common is a drink.

And trust me – you don’t want to base a relationship on a drink at any age!

Have fun – but be safe out there!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Beware!

2009-08-02T07:30:00.002-10:00

In an earlier post this morning, I talked about the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and gave you the website. One reader just reported that their antivirus software popped up about the site (http://www.ncsfreedom.org/) that said it was infected with a script that attempts to change your search engine.

Thought you should know and you can take your chances on that. I suppose you can always change it back, but just wanted you to be aware of that happening. Other than that, the site is a good one.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

What's Your Label?

2009-08-02T01:00:00.002-10:00

I haven’t written anything in the past couple weeks because I’ve been too angry at our prudish society.

There is a segment of our population here in these dis-United States that would regulate exactly when, where, how, at what age, and with whom we shall have sex. That pretty much covers everything, doesn’t it?

I suspect that most people reading this have as strong a feeling about all this as I do. Why don’t we help each other out? Go to http://www.ncsfreedom.org/ - the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom home site. There you can sign up to get news from them, explore the site, donate, or join.

Back to our uptight society . . .

We will avert our eyes if our children have a taste of our beer or wine – but we won’t give them a condom. We will send our young men and women off to fight in a foreign country where they are at risk of being killed – but we won’t let them experiment with sexual feelings. We will say “kids will be kids” when they are social brats – but we feel horrified if our child falls in love with someone of the same gender.

We can applaud our politicians if they vote against a national health program – but we give a loud “tsk tsk” if they have fun on the side. We can feel sorry for the wives of politicians who “play around” – but we don’t want anyone using sex toys at home. In Texas, it’s still illegal to sell or use a vibrator. We’re in the second half of 2009, folks!

Why can’t our young people have sex before marriage? I’ve known marriages where there was no sexual compatibility at all afterward. At least if you have protected sex before marriage, you can learn what the other person likes, or if they can even have sex at all. Some can’t, you know.

Why can’t some of our politicians have a private life? Why do we make it our business? If they are voting for the welfare of our nation, that’s all I care about. I’m trying to stay positive about how we spend more time on the sex life of our politicians and youth than we do on how to promote world peace.

Are we too worried about our own sexuality or secret desires? Do we get some sort of vicarious thrill when someone else does what we’d like to do? Do we protest a little bit too much? Are we stuck on making everyone stick to the “proper” labels?

This brings me to where I really intended to go with this post – labels! I don’t want to be labeled with anything. I don’t want to be Mrs., Ms or Miss. I don’t want have a label that designates my marital status. I usually cross that out on forms. I don’t even want a label that says what gender I am. What difference does it make if I’m male or female? And I don’t want to be labeled as either a virgin or a slut.

I certainly don’t want a label that defines my sexuality. I’m a sexual human being, and that’s all anyone needs to know, because I turn on to a personality. I do not turn on to a particular gender, size, age, or nationality. How limiting is that?

This week, if you are one of those who look askance at anything that you don’t do yourself, I suggest you try to identify the source of your discomfort. What did you do as a young man or young woman that you don’t want your children to do? Who do you find attractive that is not your legal partner or who might be the same sex?

More than likely, I’m preaching to the choir here, but maybe you know someone who fits the category of “bigot.” If we think of the possible reasons behind their worry, then maybe we can be a bit more understanding – and gently lead them toward a more open attitude.

You might say, “Dream on, Fanny!” But I know that anything is possible, when people work together.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

From Whence Came Sex?

2009-07-19T01:00:00.000-10:00

As brilliant as our scientists may be, even they are stumped when it comes to explaining the origin of sex. They become tongue-tied, blather on using unpronounceable words that are enough to turn you off to being sexual at all.

So it seems that no one has ever really figured it out. The word itself conjures up all kinds of mental images, doesn’t it?

Eons ago, when I was first starting to teach human sexuality to a group of teens in my local church, I would place a large group of pictures down on the floor and number them. The pictures consisted of everything from porn to nursing mothers to baby animals with their mothers in the field to romantic scenes. Gathering this array of pictures was fun!

Each of the young people was given a sheet with only one statement on it – “This says sex to me.” They were to indicate which of the pictures fell into that category by checking a “yes” or a “no.” At the end of that part of the exercise, we placed the pictures in order of the most number of “yes” or “no.”

At that point, we got into a discussion of the results. Of course, it came down to the definition of “sex” that each of them had assumed. For most, they translated “sex” as “sexy,” so the results showed a high number of pornographic pictures.

You can imagine the rest of that discussion, but the purpose behind telling that story here is that we all become just as twittery around the topic of sex as the teens and the scientists.

It has obviously been around a long time, otherwise how would we have populated the earth so quickly? Someone was “doing it” many years ago.

One of my favorite books that addresses this issue is The Rape of the A.P.E. by Allan Sherman, published in 1973. I remember reading it shortly after it came out. I was sitting under a hair dryer (yeah, I used to get my hair “done”) and laughing until tears ran down my cheeks. The A.P.E. stands for “American Puritan Ethic,” by the way.

He talks about how sex used to be something everyone did whenever they liked, wherever they liked, at whatever time of day they wanted. Can you just imagine such a dream world??

(Pardon me while my heart flutters a bit here!)

Sherman continues by reminding us that sex has become something we do under the covers with all the lights out, and probably some of our clothes still on. How confining!

And I even know people who actually have sex on a schedule. “It’s Friday, so we must be on for sex tonight.” How utterly boring!

The best I can figure out, sex started with two little cells who bumped up against each other and eventually created a whole bunch of other little cells. But where did it switch from being merely a physical reproductive process to being something that we titter about behind our fingertips, or seek out in strange ways until our libido is satisfied?

I’m not complaining, mind you!!! I love sex, love talking about it, and mostly love doing it. But my curiosity gets the best of me, so I had to look it up. The actual word comes from the Latin word sexus, which means gender, or a state of being either male or female, and dates back to late 14th century.

After that, it progressed through many different evolutions (no pun intended), such as quality of being male or female (16th century), sexual intercourse (thanks to good old D.H. Lawrence), genitalia (as late as early 20th century), to sexpot (no wonder I got pregnant about the same time as the origin of this word!). You can read more about it here, but nothing really tells us where this whole concept came from.

Why don’t we all just enjoy sex, and cease the worrying about who is doing what with whom (see my post from last Saturday on the politics of adultery), and how they are doing it?

By the way, if you are looking for a good book where nothing in our society is sacred, I suggest you check your library for an old copy of Sherman’s book. No, I don’t get anything from this plug – I live in one of those states where Amazon won’t let us be an affiliate anymore. I just think it’s a great read – and as appropriate for today as it was over 35 years ago!

For myself, I plan on some good sex next week when my sweetie comes to visit.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

The Politics of Adultery

2009-07-11T18:48:00.003-10:00

Is there anyone who hasn’t kept up with all the hoopla about our politicians and their affairs? And didn’t you giggle about it as you read?

Is there anyone reading this who hasn’t had their own spicy affair, as well?

Aw, come on! You can fess up to your Aunt Fanny!

It seems that no one has heard of the biblical story about the “sinful” woman who was being stoned. The Man looks up and says, “If any of you guys have never done anything like this, you get to throw the first stone at her.” All of them slunk away with their tail between their legs – or something like that.

But the self-righteous opponents of our politicians don’t slink away! Oh no! They start throwing stones, pretending that it proves they are unstained. I guess they skipped that story in the Bible because it hit too close to home.

I just read an excellent article on alternet.org about how adultery is not really a big deal. It seems practically everybody does it – or did it, nobody likes to admit it, and everyone enjoys it – men and women alike.

And what’s not to love about adultery? The “same old same old” gets to be the “same old,” doesn’t it? We all like to have someone pamper us and make over us, treat us like kings and queens. It’s fun to look at a different body in the bed next to us, make love a little differently than we’ve grown accustomed to. We like being surprised rather than being able to set our watch by how long the finger stays in that place, or rubs that spot!

Even if we have never acted out on those desires, the fantasies were there, weren’t they? Just the thought of something a little kinkier than last night’s routine can get our juices going, can’t it? Uh huh, I thought so!

This may sound like heresy, but listen up, kids! Our politicians have been having affairs since way before George Washington! It’s probably the only reason Methuselah lived as long as he did. It kept him going – even without Viagra or Cialis! It’s just that there wasn’t Twitter or Facebook or Fox News to whisper it in the world’s ear. We had to wait a few decades before that information made it into a few published biographies.

I suspect that the wives were enjoying themselves while the husbands were out cavorting, too. We women have been known to cast an appraising eye on men other than the one for whom we do laundry!

So I say, get a grip, folks! When your own zipper or your own panties never get pulled down, then you can point a wretched finger at our poor sex-obsessed politicians. Just remember the old adage that when you point a finger, there are four more pointing back at yourself.

Now where did I put my little black book?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Out of Retirement

2009-06-27T18:01:00.000-10:00

I’ve gotten so many questions that I decided to un-retire Fanny, at least for a while!

Those questions confirm the notion that sometimes, even the young women and men who are becoming experienced, need some answers clarified. My college students say that even since their high school years, things have changed. They wonder what the “younger generation” is up to – even if the difference in age is only a few years!

So with a little coercion, I’ve decided to come out of semi-retirement and write about some of the issues that readers would like to see addressed in coming posts. It seems to me that some of the sexual activities that everyone pretended to know nothing about have become mainstream in novels, movies, and online forums in just a few years.

One young woman, barely eighteen years old herself, was appalled at her sister (only three years younger) who thought nothing of wearing a skirt that showed as much as a skimpy bikini bottom. She said the entire skirt wasn’t more than about six inches wide, and the girl considered her older sister to be a prude.

This raised the issue of exhibitionism, and its mirror issue of voyeurism. Would you consider this fifteen-year-old in the tiny skirt to be an exhibitionist? What does that word mean anyway?

In my dated Webster’s, the first description says it is a tendency to call attention to yourself, or to show off your skills or talents. If we go with that definition, what talent or skill is this young teen showing off?

That question can keep your mind occupied for a while, can’t it?

The second description is more of what people tend to think of – that it is exposing parts of the body that we normally keep under wraps, unless we are looking for some sort of sexual encounter. I suppose the amount of exposure would depend on the girl’s stance. I don’t suppose there is any way she could bend over to put on her shoes without exposing something! Of course, panties might cover whatever is exposed.

Now, this brings up the issue of voyeurism. If this young lady bends over, is she inviting voyeurs to have a peek? And which one of the two is at fault? Is there really any “fault” to be found?

Going back to good old Webster – the voyeur is one with an exaggerated interest in taking a peek. I’ll have to admit that I enjoy getting a good look occasionally, too. But the second part of Webster’s definition is that the peek is for sexual gratification. In other words, if I don’t use the nice view to masturbate, then I’m not a voyeur, right?

I have to say that I don’t mind all the sweet young things running around half dressed these days. Eye candy for these old eyes!

And it seems to be a general style of dress, not just an isolated case of my student’s younger sister. It is an acceptable mode of dress among today’s young people. I can remember when it was a cause for alarm if a decent lady dared to show her ankles.

(Well…I’m not really that old!)

Let’s face it – sex is here to stay! There is nothing wrong with being a bit provocative, and this is 2009, after all.

I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it – no matter how old or young you are!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Taking a Break!

2009-03-07T18:00:00.002-10:00

Greetings, my dear readers!

I’m taking a little break from this weekly blog. There are so many books to write, so many political agendas to promote, so many classes to teach, so many fun sexual things to explore – not to mention my love life! All of this needs my attention and concentration.

This is my 51st post, so I may be back occasionally to make it an even 100, and when there is something I need to discuss with you. I may come back on a regular basis someday with even more good things to say in the sexual arena.

If I am published, you’ll be among the first to know! My books may even be something you’ve been waiting for!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Good Websites

2009-02-28T20:00:00.000-10:00

Occasionally, I come across websites that really tickle my fanny – uh, I mean fancy! Since I’ve been sick all this week, and didn’t really feel like writing much, I decided to share just a few of my favorite sites with you. Have a blast looking at them.

http://www.queerty.com/its-the-hard-jock-life-20090202/ - This is what the well-dressed jock prefers to wear to dinner.

http://shanghaiist.com/2008/12/31/this_is_what_a_luxury_dildo_factory.php - How about a little trip to China the next time you want to buy a special gift for your honey?

Or if you and your honey want to play some fun games, try this from Amazon.

There’s a deluxe edition, as well.

Then there’s always juicy stories in the Bible to read to each other http://boinkology.com/2008/10/31/the-bibles-bad-reputation/

And for some seriously excellent reading, head over to http://bestsexbloggers.com/ for stories and art from some of the best sex bloggers on the web.

Have fun and let me know what you think. I’d love to have some other websites to add to my list, so please send them to me.

I’m going back to bed to continue healing. I’ll see you next week.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

The Big W – I Cannot Tell a Lie

2009-02-22T01:00:00.002-10:00

Yeah, I know who you thought this was going to be about, but it’s not! This is about THE Big W – that old George Washington W! It’s his birthday today, so I want to think about his role in our sexual lives.

I grew up in an era when we celebrated Lincoln’s birthday and Washington’s birthday on two separate days. We had a school holiday on both days, until someone decided we had too many holidays and put all of our presidents into one day – President’s Day.

What do we remember most about Washington? Well, yes, most of us know he was the first president of the United States. Most of us learned some little bits of history about him in school, so what’s the most outstanding thing you remember?

For me, it was that he supposedly cut down the family cherry tree, and when confronted with the deed (according to the familiar legend) he said “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.”

So you may wonder what that has to do with my post today. Permit me to sort of think on this out loud for a few minutes.

How many of us when confronted with some misdeed are willing to be quite as honest as little Georgie was? My hunch is that many of us would hem and haw, shuffle our feet, cast our eyes downward and make up some sort of alibi, especially if we are guilty.

If we suspect our mate of infidelity, and we ask the question outright, which of us really expects an honest answer? Or turn that around - and if our mate suspects us of an infidelity, would we be willing to give an honest answer when we are asked about it?

Most of the time, there is too much at stake (generally financial) and we don’t want to jeopardize that precious commodity. Knowing we might lose our family, our retirement fund, perhaps even our job, we would tend to be evasive, no matter how much we want to be with that other person.

But is honesty always the best policy? Individuals are able to answer that question for themselves only. For me, there are too many pieces of the puzzle to be considered to make a blanket statement. Sometimes we might need to lie in order to protect something valuable, like a family.

Years ago, the term “situation ethics” came into being with a book with that title, written by Joseph Fletcher. At the time, my understanding of it was that we were to do the most loving thing in the situation. This did not mean we should go out and love indiscriminately, the way many people in the 60s and 70s interpreted his book.

When we are faced with two options, both of which could be dangerous or deadly, we must look at which situation will cause the least damage, or which we most believe in. Sometimes the response we are called on to make is clear cut, but most of the time it’s a choice between two events of equal value. The lines become blurred. How in the world do we decide?

I don’t want to get into the flap about whether or not someone should have been unfaithful to begin with. That’s not the issue here.

No, what I’m focusing on in this discussion is the best course of action to protect the most people. In other words, what is the most loving thing you can do in the situation? That might be telling the truth, or it might not be. You’ll need to make that decision before it comes up, and be ready for the consequences.

By the way, we all have been told a big lie our entire life. February 22 isn’t really George Washington’s real birthday. Check out the truth here if you don’t believe me!

Would I lie to you??

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Do You Need A Valentine?

2009-02-13T23:50:00.003-10:00

Are you looking for a Valentine? Here are a few clues for those who are fresh out of ideas!

I have a strong suspicion that most of my readers have never looked at the ads on the bottom of this page. If you are feeling lonely - and randy - I challenge you to look at OnlineBootyCall this weekend.

They advertise themselves as “a dating site for singles who enjoy being single.” In other words, some just want to find a date, get laid, and avoid all the “promises” stuff that guys and gals try to load onto us. Who knows? There might just be a like-minded soul living near you.

I especially like the 10 Booty Call Commandments. For example, the 7th commandment says “If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.” Clever, eh? Of course, no one has ever thought of that one before! (wink wink)

They have contests for real $$ and you can sign up for free! How in the world can they do it? Just click on the notice below, sign up and check it out! Be sure to let me know who (or what) you find out there!

There was a time when this sort of prowl would have appealed to me. If you noticed the feather in my hat and the high collar, you’ll know that I come from an era when that sort of thing was forbidden. Oh, we still had our bit of fun, but we weren’t legally allowed to advertise it.

I’m glad times have changed, and I have actually discovered that there are still some folks out there who like old gals like me (giggle).

If you think you might find your soul mate online (which is a crap shoot), you might try one of the other groups listed below through one of the free FriendFinders sites. You can find your choice of others with the same sexual orientation, and even someone with the same fetishes.

Or you might try the wee SexyAds site on the left. They have some great people on there and it’s also free. Or maybe you and your SO are looking for a third or fourth or more to add to your playtime together. You can find it all right there on any of these sites. All of these are fun places to investigate.

Now, if you already have a honey, head on over to Adam & Eve. It’s probably too late to get something shipped to you, but you can always stick a gift card in his or her dresser drawer. Or just stick in their drawers.

But if you are like me and plan to spend your Valentine’s Day weekend at home alone, you should really pick up a good sexy book to give you ideas for the next time your sweetie visits – or all by yourself in an even wilder fantasy. My special friend and I have tried out a lot of what we read.

Check out the book that heads this post, which claims to be "a guide to infinite sexual possibilities." There are others on the list to the left from Amazon - all so very educational!

The best gift of all would be a gift card from Amazon, then s/he can get whatever they want!

I’m off to pacify myself with dark chocolate!

I blow you a Valentine's Day kiss ~ ~ ~ ~
Fanny

'Til Death Do Us Part?

2009-02-07T18:00:00.004-10:00

I have been asked by several readers to talk about adultery. Here are a few of my rambling thoughts on the topic. Please feel free to comment on your own views and/or experiences.

In almost everything I read, in most cultures, the woman is the one usually considered to have conducted a “criminal” act, even though both male and female adulterers are looked down on by their society. This carries the notion that the woman is “owned” by the man – and therefore any adultery on the part of the woman is a transgression against his ownership of his wife. That’s a big red flag for me before I even get going!

I have looked carefully for the basis of the word “adultery.” The word “adult” is a past participle of the Latin word for adolescent. So it means that as an adult, we have completed the act or phase of being an adolescent. But how does that fit in with the word “adultery?” That part has not become clear to me.

When anyone asks how I feel about adultery, my response is semi-complicated. Having been in that situation myself, and knowing many who are either in that situation now or have been in the past, I think there are more reasons than can ever be known.

Boredom? Yes, of course, that is one reason often given.

A spouse who is not fulfilling the marriage vows in the sexual arena? That could be a good reason.

Finding someone else with whom one is more compatible? That is quite often the case.

A need for more excitement? I don’t think this is quite the same as boredom, but for some it might be the need to feel “bombs bursting in air” again.

Feeling “fenced in?” There are many ways in which a person can feel this way.

Daily life of cleaning house, changing diapers, cooking, mowing the lawn, providing the family income, making repairs around the house, doing laundry, wiping up after someone else – all this and more can take its toll on both men and women.

Did we get married for this? Did I get a PhD in psychology to do all that? Where did the “romance” go over the years?

As someone who has done quite a bit of marriage counseling over the years, I begin to wonder why anyone marries in the first place. How can we possibly believe that this one person will make us happy for the rest of our lives?

Where is it written that while my spouse and I might be best friends right now, that in fifty years we will not only still be best friends, but better friends than we’ve ever been before? We can’t make that guarantee. All we can do is work at making it a good friendship while it lasts.

And I don’t buy “staying together for the children,” either. Your children know when the marriage isn’t what it should be, even if you never fight. The sparkle fades, and everyone knows it, even if you think you’ve hidden it well.

I’m not the only person who has wondered if we don’t need some sort of renewable contract in a marriage. Would five years be enough to know if you wanted to continue being with that other person? Ten years? How long?

I do know many couples have found that swinging, polyamory, or simply an open marriage have kept the primary relationship alive. That isn’t about “falling in love” with someone other than your spouse, but about adding that little bit of variety to what might otherwise be a monotonous life.

Couples need to be willing to get beyond telling time by how long it takes to get from point A to point B during sex. Couples need to actively seek a variety of ways to make sex (and life) more interesting.

On the other hand, I believe there are bona fide reasons why adultery should not be considered a “sin,” whatever that word means to you. An alcoholic or addicted spouse, or a spouse who refuses to have any kind of intimacy (physical or emotional) would be two of those reasons. There are others, I’m sure.

Who has done the cheating in these cases? Is it the spouse who has cheated the other half of the partnership out of having a good marriage? Or is it the spouse who finally starts taking care of him/herself by taking on a lover?

There is no easy answer to the question of adultery. Maybe we should all become Eskimos and lend our spouse to someone else occasionally as an act of hospitality!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

P.S. A lawyer friend just wrote to say that he thinks a man in skirts is very masculine. I hope this is the end of that particular discussion.

Men in Skirts Summary

2009-01-31T18:00:00.004-10:00

I want to begin this post by saying that it is NOT a "Family Friendly" site. I will repeat that later in the post, but it was never intended to be read by anyone under 18.

That being said, a few weeks ago, I wrote about men in skirts and how attractive I find it. In that post, I had a picture of one man who was lifting his Utilikit to show how the kilt (or skirt) is worn traditionally.

I was surprised at the stir over a man’s bottom, when we can see men’s bottoms in all sorts of other places – and I’m not referring to pornographic magazines. There are movies that allow men to be nude in the context of the story (in locker room scenes, for example), so I don’t know what the big deal is about it.

So two weeks ago, I opened it up for comments and in that post, I gave the one comment that created the fuss, but here it is again in case you don’t want to take time to read it on the original post.

(Editorial note: I have left punctuation and spelling on all of these comments as they were when they arrived. No attempt has been made to edit at all.)

Please tell me why you have to show off the mans backside?
For me - a man
that loves skirts instead of pants - this picture puts it all in a bad light and
pushes the thoughts of men in skirts as gay.
This is not an adult only site
and really shouldn't show such images.
The support to men in skirts is
harmed by this.

I want to print some of the comments I received here. They can be read in the “comment” section, but most people don’t bother to check there.

The first comment to come in said:

1. Showing off someone's buns is hardly "adults only," and doesn't this site say
for those over 18?
2. How does showing off someone's buns come across as
gay?
3. Wouldn't this actually be--statistically--more likely to be
attractive to women?
4. Even if it were to be construed as "gay," how does
that put men in skirts in a bad light?
5. Is gay bad?
6. Can only
straight men wear skirts?
7. And, finally...where's his sense of humor?????

Some comments came in via email so those were not designed to be public, but here are a couple more comments that present interesting perspectives.

as a skirt & kilt wearing male, i feel i have to address this.

first off: i'm 50, hetero, married with kids. i don't try to present myself as female, but many items of "female" clothing are fun. my co-workers have no doubts as to my preferences, but i don't push anything onto anybody.

now, the photo of that guy's butt? humorous but potentially offensive. this is YOUR forum/blog/whatever, so you can put on it what you wish. i wouldn't feel any different if it was a female butt of similar age & condition. i could do without it, thank you very much.

skirts being "gay"?

when was the last time you saw a gay man in a skirt? unless they are doing "drag" (and then they are in FULL female hootchie regalia) most men won't wear a skirt. gay or straight. if anything, gay men may be even more conservative in their clothing. many will avoid anything that might "out" them INADVERTANTLY.

incidently, the flashing of one's butt is fairly common amongst kilt-wearers. going "regimental" (no underwear) is one of the points some would say is actually required of kilting. flashing becomes a humorous punctuation to some conversations or situations.

One comment:

I was surprised at the reaction of [Imadude] to the picture of a mans bum! and the assumption that because a guy is showing his backside he must be gay. This is almost as presumptive as those who think a man in a skirt must be gay. Some are, some ain't. it is a simple as that. Anyway, what if he is gay? How does that do a diservice to the cause?
I am sorry but I have to disagree with the inference that it puts us male skirt wearers in a bad light. A regular drunken saturday night prank here in the town centres is for "straight macho" guys to wave their bums at the security cameras, If you suggested to them they were gay, you would be on your way to casualty!.
There is an image of The kilted colour sergeant with his kilt blown up and his bum on show for all the world to see, all over the web, Has he suddenly put back our cause? or turned gay?.
I see you say you are a fellow wearer of skirts, and for that I applaud you, we need more men to try them and be seen wearing them and then perhaps western society will be more accepting of us.
As for adult content, apart from the fact that we all have a bum and we have all seen a bum, so I would hardly rate that as adult content, if you look at the links on the side bars, going to such things as spanking and female stimulation, then a bare bottom should not come as a surprise.
Radiostar.

Then another:

After posting thoughts on the comment by "Im a dube", I began to think some more about the assertion that the picture of a guys backside was showing men in skirts, in a bad light.
Then it occured to me, that I had signed mine as anonymous, mainly because I am not a registered user of this system. So I have come to the decision that what could put us in a bad light is the pseudonyms, Handles, Nicknames etc. WHAT are we trying to hide?
Secrecy is the problem. Tell the world you wear a skirt sometimes.
The more that do, the more mainstream it will be.
So the earlier post signed Radiostar, is by me, My name is Tim Stannard and I live in the north of England, sometimes on a warm summers day, I will wear a skirt, or a Sarong, I own two Utilikilts. So instead of critisising from behind the fence,Stand up and be counted.
Tim aka Radiostar

Here is what Fanny’s site states at the top. You can read it, of course, but let me repeat it here:

This blog is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. It contains no pictures of nudity, only words of advice and encouragement to adults who seek information. If you are under 18, please go play somewhere else.

I do not consider a glimpse of a bum to be pornographic. I had the gentleman’s consent to show this particular photo, and I did not show his face, at his request. I made no lewd remarks about the view, but suggested that a cold wind might flip up the kilt and make it uncomfortable when worn the way it is designed to be worn.

Wearing skirts has nothing to do with being gay, just as wearing trousers does not make me a lesbian. It is more comfortable for me to wear long pants, especially when I teach. If a skirt is more comfortable for a man, I see no reason for him not to wear one. His anatomy lends itself more to a skirt anyway, in case no one has noticed!

There is nothing at all that says “gay” to me when a man wears a skirt. And so what if he is gay? Skirts for men are cultural, worn by many more people than the Scots. I agree with the gentleman who asked “Where’s his sense of humor?”

If all anyone saw was the bare bum, then the point of the post was missed entirely. I still think a man wearing a skirt can be sexy and attractive. I’d love to hear from other women about this – not just the men!

One person wrote “Up with kilts! Down with Trousers!” I’ll go for that! (big wink)

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Evolution of a Word

2009-01-24T18:00:00.001-10:00

The dictionary defines a fetish as any object that superstitious people believe to have magical powers. For some, this could be a rabbit’s foot on their key chain, or a penny in your shoe. Some people hang their fetish on the rear-view mirror of their car.

Perhaps one of my earliest recollections of an object being a fetish was during my years of living in Alaska. I was given a little carved bear made with either walrus tusk or whale bone – both of which would be politically incorrect today. But this was in the early 60s and the protection law didn’t come into being until a decade later.

Although the bear fetish is more commonly thought of with the Zuni, many tribes also have a bear fetish. Since I was given one in Alaska, and the Alaskan Brown Bear is such a big item (literally), I imagine the Native Alaskan tribes also have a bear fetish.

Another definition of fetish comes from the field of psychiatry (ahem). For the shrinks, this refers to any object that is basically non-sexual, but that is thought to be sexually arousing to some. This is supposed to include such objects as smelly feet, leather gloves, ears, or some such item. I have nothing against people who have this fetish, but it’s not something that I can relate to personally.

Yet a third definition of fetish refers to any activity or object to which we are abnormally and irrationally devoted, “to make a fetish of sports.”

Sports???

How about SEX? Does that fit into the category of sports?

This particular definition of fetish probably comes closer to what we think of in our more modern screwy sexual milieu. Today the word moves us away from carved bears toward the kinky, and includes a world of activities, clothing, lifestyles, entertainment, and more. You can find all sorts of websites devoted to your particular interests.

One site that I highly recommend is Fetlife, a free social network of people of like minds. You can find a group for whichever fetish flips your skirt. If you join, tell them Fanny Lucette sent you. No, I don’t own it, nor do I get anything out of it. I just know some people who are involved in the workings of it and who would welcome your participation.

It seems to me that psychiatry needs to take a fresh look at fetishism, one that is not so punitive or judgmental.

What do you think?

More about Men in Skirts

2009-01-19T08:47:00.004-10:00

Dear Friends of Fanny:

Over a week ago, I posted an article on men wearing skirts and how much I like them. I’ve received several comments, both by email and to be posted on the blog. I suggest you click and read the comments that have been posted.

I just received a comment from someone that I’m including here, rather than in the comment section. I will reserve my own comments until some of you have had a chance to respond to this.

Here is this person’s comment:

Please tell me why you have to show off the man’s backside?
For me - a man that loves skirts instead of pants - this picture puts it all in a bad light and pushes the thoughts of men in skirts as gay.
This is not an adult only site and really shouldn't show such images.
The support to men in skirts is harmed by this.

I am very interested to see what some of you other men (and women) think of this. Please send me your comments.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

The Second Oldest Profession

2009-01-17T18:00:00.001-10:00

That’s right! Prostitution is not the oldest profession in the world, no matter what people say.

So what’s the oldest??

Farming! Read your Bible if you don’t believe me!

So if farmers are being taken care of by the government and are protected, why aren’t the “working girls” also protected? Is it because there is a stigma attached to prostitution that is not attached to farming?

The sex industry has many needs, beginning with health. I’m not the first and certainly won’t be the last to rail against the discrimination in our country. Other countries require health exams and take good care of the ladies of the night.

Many need treatment for abuse of alcohol and other drugs. They need to be able to have an insurance that helps to pay for such things, as well as access to counseling.

They need legal protection instead of harassment. There is a relevant article that was posted on alternet.org about violence against sex workers. No one seems to care if a prostitute is beaten, robbed, or even murdered.

Someone told me of a female Episcopal priest who took a white tablecloth, candles, and a full meal down to Waikiki one Christmas Eve. She put the cloth over a garbage bin and served the women who were working the streets that night. That kind of caring is rare.

Sex is something we all need. It is a vital and natural part of our lives. For those who have no partner, what is wrong with paying someone for the illusion of love, just for a short while? This goes for women as well as men. But it’s as though even loving or doing something that natural becomes the forbidden act. It suddenly becomes naughty if you pay for it, or do “it” with someone you shouldn’t.

Sometimes I think married women are nothing more than prostitutes. They stay home and clean, care for children, and are expected to be available for sex whenever the husband wants it. They are paid by being given a home and a “name.” At least they are considered righteous and deserving, but often with as little legal protection and rights as a prostitute.

I remember finding a slip of paper for sale in a Tombstone AZ store that was a copy of an old “permit” to be a prostitute. Several of us who were wives took them home and put them up on our kitchen wall. Our husbands didn’t appreciate it one bit.

I think perhaps husbands can feel prostituted, as well. They work to provide a home and income, and in return they are granted a bit of sexual pleasure.

So who are the advocates for the sex workers? Men don’t speak up for fear of being accused of … what? Frequenting brothels? Having caught a disease? Women don’t speak up for them because “it just isn’t the right thing to do.”

Who then will speak up for them?

There is a poem written by Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) who was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp. He writes about our political apathy until finally there is no one left to speak up for us.

No, I am not a prostitute. It is not a life I choose. So why should I be standing up for them? I have always been an advocate for those who needed me to be – the gays, the lesbians, the blacks, the poor, the children. I could go on and on. Like Niemöller, I must ask, “who will be there for me when I need it?”

This has rambled, I’m afraid, but I hope you understand my intent. Even in hard economic times, sex is something we all need – perhaps even more so, if we are to have that fleeting feeling of belonging and love, even if we have to pay for it.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Men in Skirts

2009-01-10T06:00:00.001-10:00

I don’t know how to say this, but I think men in skirts are gorgeous! Is it because men question the loss of their masculinity that the style hasn’t caught on? Come on, guys – give it a try! From what I’ve read, I’m not the only woman (or man) who loves seeing men in skirts. Just think what the possibilities might be!

Some of the best looking and most masculine looking men wear a sarong or pareu in an area of the world where I spend much of my time. There are also many Tongan communities here, too, where the Tongan men wear a wraparound skirt (called a tupenu) that comes mid-thigh. It is extremely sexy!

There is an absolutely wonderful website speaking out for men who wear skirts out of the UK Please go there and look through his slide show, his guest book, and whatever else flips your skirt.

A good article in New York magazine (July 2008) about “men’s lib” around the wearing of skirts can be found here, complete with a few pictures. Another good online resource is Menstuff, and Burda Style has a very encouraging site.

Even though I consider myself to be very feminine, I seldom wear dresses. I much prefer pants or trousers, or whatever you want to call them. It’s too bad that certain styles of clothing seem to be socially acceptable for only one gender or the other. I am old enough to remember when long pants were totally unacceptable for women.

I love skirts for their comfort. In hot, muggy weather, a pair of jean, or even shorts, can be hot against your legs. There are disadvantages to skirts for both men and women, of course. For example, the same breeze that cools you in summer can be a cold breeze blowing up your skirt - most uncomfortable, especially when the skirt is worn like this.

The front, with skirt down, is the view most of us will see, however – and a very nice view it is!

By the way, if you are interested in buying one of these Utilikilts, check out their website for a wide variety of skirts for men. The site has what they call “Mock-u-mercials,” vid clips made by men who wear them. They are fun to watch.

If anyone wants to send me their own picture wearing a skirt, or the picture of your favorite guy in a skirt, I’ll post it here.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Too Much of a Good Thing?

2009-01-03T18:00:00.000-10:00

Was there ever a time when you had too much of a good thing? I’m talking about sex here, of course.

There are times when we think we’ll never get enough, that we will never have too much of this enjoyable thing in our lives that has the ability to turn us upside down.

But this question keeps popping up from time to time, and I’ve been wondering about it, as well.

So if you can remember a time when it felt like too much of a good thing, what did it feel like? What was going on? Was it when you were playing with a toy or was it something you were doing with another human being? Maybe it was just a fantasy? What was it?

I want to know if it spoiled you for the next time or for other people.
If you have experienced this “too much” phenomenon, is it something you’d like to experience again? How soon do you think you might have that experience again? Would you even want to?

Or was this a once in a lifetime event?

Personally, I’ve never had this experience. I mostly seem to be left wanting more. That has nothing to do with the person I’m with, just my own needs to keep that satisfied feeling going as long as possible. Because I am a multi-orgasmic woman, there have been times when I’ve been taken to the point of exhaustion, but I would never consider it “too much of a good thing.”

Talk to me about this subject of too much good sex. Is it even possible?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

2009-01-01T09:02:00.003-10:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

May all your fantasies be naughty
~~
May all your lovers be
accommodating
accessible

thoughtful

kinky

fun

Your Best Year!

2008-12-27T18:00:00.002-10:00

In just a few days, it will be 2009. I’ve never believed in making resolutions for the New Year. What I like to do instead is set goals, both long-term and short-term. These are usually in several categories.

My favorite book for this is Your Best Year Yet! by Jinny S. Ditzler. It’s just a little paperback that asks ten questions “for making the next twelve months your most successful ever.” I’ve used it for the past eight years, not only for myself but with my students.

This book can be used in any area of your life, from income to relationships to self-esteem. One reason I love this book is that it starts out with looking at what you accomplished over the past year. This acknowledges the positive aspects of your life rather than just those things that didn’t work out.

At the end of just a few hours you end up with a one-page summary of your plan for the next year. They become your own words of wisdom for the year. If you want to try it, click on the book here.

What does this have to do with Fanny’s mission on this blog?

I believe we cannot attract the kind of relationship we want until we are willing to do some work on our own personal growth. We may think we know what we want for our life, but until it is written down with a bit of structure and planning, it goes nowhere. We cannot leave our love life up to chance.

If you are already in a good relationship, this kind of exercise can help to change it from merely “good” to “great!” That’s something we all deserve!

May you create joy and abundance in all things this next year!

I’m off to work on my own 2009 goals!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

HO! HO! HO!

2008-12-24T17:00:00.002-10:00

I hope your Santa is good tonight -

And leaves your fanny

nice and bright!

Bah! Humbug!

2008-12-20T18:00:00.003-10:00

There is a funny cartoon about two beautiful tree ornaments discussing the stockings over the mantle. One says, “I’ve heard they are really hung!” Well, I suppose a hung stocking is better than one that is not hung. What do you think?

On a slightly more serious tone, what do you want to find in your stocking this holiday? Is that different from what you expect to get in your stocking?

I know what I want – I’d like my SO to be able to be here with me over the holidays. What I expect I’ll get is “ashes and switches” (oh my!), because I don’t always act very nice about him not being here. As grateful as I am to have him in my life, I still get pissy when he is obligated to be somewhere else instead of here with me, especially over holidays.

There are several very funny video clips going around about how men don’t always give the right gift at Christmas. I remember getting a mixer one Christmas from a husband. He couldn’t understand why I was a little upset, even though I needed the mixer. We women can be a funny lot, don’t you think?

Then there was the opposite gift from my second husband that he paid $60 for at Victoria’s Secret. It was a flimsy red, see-through shorty nighty with fluff around the bottom and a few spaghetti straps here and there – something that anyone who really knows me would exclaim how inappropriate it was. As it turned out, he enjoyed wearing it a whole lot more than I did! (Yes, you heard that right!)

For me, the message is not about receiving diamonds or jewelry of any kind, but about a gift that reflects a little thought – a gift that indicates the giver knows who I am really. The fluffy red costume showed a total lack of that understanding.

There are no material presents that can make up for the lack of your lover’s presence, however, no matter how understanding s/he may be.

So I’m having a difficult time getting into the spirit of Christmas this year. I put a red candle in the middle of my table, bought a beautiful poinsettia, and put a snowman mobile at my front door. Other than that, I didn’t put up any decorations.

Although I do feel a bit of the old "Bah! Humbug!" I know better than to sit home and mope. As I drive around, the lights on the homes of other people help to buoy up my spirits. I put my Christmas CDs on, turn up the volume, and play them so I can listen to them outside and anywhere else in the house. I’ll go to several parties that friends are having, and get dressed up.

By the time I write my next post, Christmas will be over and we’ll be looking toward 2009. In the meantime, I’d love to know what you want for Christmas, as well as what you expect, and the reason for the difference.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

You're All I Want for Christmas....!

2008-12-13T18:00:00.001-10:00

I imagine many of you are stressed out over doing your Holiday shopping. Therefore, I’ve created a list that will help you click off what you need to buy for yourself or that significant other in your life! Many of these items can be purchased online. Others can be non-tangible and presented in a nice free card from Naughty Cards that can express your sentiments in just the…uh, naughtiest way!

• How about starting out the season with satin sheets – RED to match the season? They have other colors and sizes, too.

• If you have the money to spare, how about a secret renewal to his prescription of Cialis, Viagra, or Levitra? According to my unbiased personal research, Cialis is better than the others. No! I do not benefit financially by your use of this, but your love life will benefit.

• How about a box of condoms? Make up a box of different kinds and have fun trying out the different ones. Any size will do, actually. Once, a guest speaker for my human sexuality class took a “small” condom and blew it up into a balloon that was about 18” in diameter, then said, “Don’t let anyone ever tell you it’s too small or not big enough!” Good lesson!

• Promise a simple sexy candlelight meal with the kids farmed out for the evening. Send them to a friend’s and offer to return the favor.

• I think the local prostitutes are missing an opportunity to offer gift cards. If you know some of the more reputable ones, ask about it! And ask if you can go along to watch! (giggle)

• In that same vein, how about a gift card for a professional massage, either alone or with you. I know a few massage therapists who would love to give a massage to a couple at the same time.

• Speaking of massages, how about offering a gift of giving your lover a massage yourself? Go take lessons, if you need to, but most of us know how to give a good sensual massage. There are good books on this, if you feel a little hesitant about your abilities.

• If you are looking for a different way to spend the holidays, don’t stay home and shovel snow (hire a neighbor kid to do that). Read through this book together and find a nude beach or resort where you can enjoy the sun in all your glory. I love this kind of gift!!

• One of my favorite gifts would be a pedicure at the local beauty salon. I had my very first pedicure EVER this past summer. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven! This is not a gift just for the women, by the way. My pedicurist says that she gives them to men all the time. They come in with tired, calloused feet and she really pampers them.

• If you are single (or wishing you were), give yourself the gift of a membership in one of the many dating sites listed at the bottom of this page. There are sites to fit every need, from “just a friend” to more edgy stuff.

• For you alone, or you with one other, or many others, check out some of these wonderful sex toys. Then go play with them throughout the holidays and 2009!

• You can find just about anything you like at Amazon - from sex toys to satin sheets to books on masturbation! And if you get bored with sex, you can always just curl up with a good book! Check out the link on this page for an Amazon gift card.

• I’m sure I’ve forgotten many of the other things you can give, but you all have creative minds, I’m sure. Most of all, I want to remind you to give yourself and each other the gift of time! This can mean quality time together, or time spent alone recuperating from a hectic year. Trust me, time will go by much faster than you realize. Don’t miss a single minute of it!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Pearl Harbor Commemoration

2008-12-06T17:30:00.001-10:00

Today marks another anniversary of the bombing at Pearl Harbor. I had no problem in finding a connection between the intentions of this blog and that event, an event that ushered the United States into a second World War that was already going on in Europe. Prostitution immediately came to mind.

While I was doing the research I needed to write this, there were several issues that surfaced. While prostitution is an “evil corruption” in the minds of most people, there is a subtle change during wartime – or maybe it’s not so subtle.

During war, it becomes a lucrative industry because, after all, we need to give the troops something to live for, we need a way to take care of a man’s needs, we need to let the men have their fun, and even provide it for them - don't we? Not only that, as long as a virile young man is away from his family, having prostitutes around keep these men from latching on to the more “respectable” women. This seems to go back to the "raping and pillaging" of olden times.

When women wanted to join the WAACs (Women's Army Auxiliary Corps), the rumors started to fly that they were all either lesbians or prostitutes. Any Army man caught dating a WAAC was immediately and automatically given medical treatment.

One article I found stated: “In WWII Hawaii, prostitutes were inspected by the vice squad, licensed, and given a strict set of rules (the breaking of which resulted in a severe beating by police).” If you have an interest in this topic, I highly recommend this article. It goes into the legality of brothels, quotas for servicing the servicemen, and rates to be charged.

Victory Girls, Khaki-Wackies, and Patriotutes: The Regulation of Female Sexuality During World War II is a book I tried to find for this post, but my local library didn’t have it. If you can find it, the book would probably be worth a read for those of us who are interested. The title alone sounds like fun. Here are two quotes from the book that I did find online. I don't know the exact pages, but I can give credit to the author, Marilyn E. Hegarty.

“During World War II, prostitutes and many waitresses were required to carry health cards that stated they were free of venereal diseases.”

“Apparently it was not always necessary for a woman to be unescorted or to be displaying blatant sexual availability to be viewed with suspicion.”

I cannot leave the Pacific Rim without mentioning another controversial practice. I have seen estimates that range from 100,000 to 400,000 women who were taken as sex slaves and forced to service as many as fifty Japanese soldiers a day during the war. At least 80-90% were from Korea. These women were euphemistically called “comfort women.” The soldiers would go to “comfort houses” maintained by the Japanese government.

I have a Korean colleague who refuses to call them “comfort women.” She said, “Let’s call them what they were – sex slaves.” Song of the Exile is an excellent novel by Kiana Davenport that focuses on one Korean-Hawaiian woman and her painful life during that period of time.

Meanwhile, on the mainland of the United States, Tampa, Florida became an important staging ground during World War II, and became famous for its prostitution and venereal disease. In the spring of 1943, Florida passed laws prohibiting prostitution and pre-marital sex. I suppose the assumption was that if you were not married and having sex, you were a prostitute! If a woman was thought to be “immoral,” she was grabbed and given an invasive vaginal examination.

In the European Theater of World War II, the Nazi state forced prostitution in order that the German soldiers could be sexually satisfied. It is estimated that a minimum of 34,140 women from occupied states were forced to work as prostitutes during the Third Reich in the camp bordellos or confiscated hotels. These were known as German Soldier's Houses.

So where am I going with this fragmented history? One instructor states that “today we condemn female prostitutes without acknowledging that a large tourist and military presence supports sexual services.”

While I do not condone forced prostitution, I do believe that those who engage in sex as a career need some sort of health care regulations in order to reduce the rate of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. We need to create a supportive environment for these workers (women and men) that provides them with legal, economic and social services.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

From Aging to AIDS

2008-11-29T18:00:00.002-10:00

Last week, I talked about “Geriatric Sex” and received some interesting emails about it. I’ve been given permission to share these with you.

One comment comes from a man in Florida. He says:

"According to my urologist, the older men get, they seem to require oral sex (fellatio) from their partner not only to get an erection, but to keep it.

"Getting an erection is not as hard for us older men, as keeping it sufficiently for penetration into the vagina or if there is penetration, it's still important to keep an erection long enough to have satisfactory coitus and that's not so easy for us older men. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis help, of course, but not always.

"There is, of course, lots of good sex that does not necessarily need vaginal sexual intercourse and yet, Fanny, for a man, it's important, psychologically to be able to perform it; and that's true even if the man is receiving fellatio from his partner."

From another email:

"I imagine you can figure out that I think women who are older than I am are truly sexy and enticing. And I love intelligent women. I am mostly through with much of my kinky times (I don't have anyone with whom to engage in such stuff) but it's still interesting to look at some of the sites." [Was he talking about me and my blog site??]

And I received a little poem:

"The kink that was in me seems to be spent
Since my get-up and go, just got up and went
It might be dear Fanny, that you are much older
But you and your friend are considerably bolder
Yet maybe one day, I shall have me some luck
And meet a wild woman to give my whatchit a suck.
Or perhaps, it'll turn out to be a long time
And I think that it's best that I just end this rhyme."

I imagine many older men (and women) feel much the same way. My response is that no one should EVER be "through" with kinky times. I suspect I'm much older than most of you reading this blog (and so is my lover) and we are both still kinky. Having someone to do kink with is key, I think. If you think you’re too old, maybe it's time you found someone to suck on your “whatchit” and get you back into kink!

Sucking a “whatchit” goes both ways, don’t forget!

Others reminded me of the article in The Salon a couple of years ago by Liz Langley about sex and the much older generation. I’ve kept that article in my files ever since it came out and I use it with my college class on human sexuality. The “over 50” population is one of the most rapidly growing in the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

WHY, you may ask (especially if you are way under 50)?

Well, there are several reasons. Old guys who couldn’t keep it up before, even if they could get it up to begin with, have suddenly been given the wonders of the “little pill” to help out. Now they are running around the nursing homes or the “Gray Ghetto” neighborhoods and having a barrel of fun. A lot of them are finding healthy younger women who want a Sugar Daddy. Both men and women think they are immune from what they consider a “gay disease,” or that they are too old.

There is another reason for an increase in AIDS in older folks. Most men and women who love people of the same gender have had to keep quiet about their sexual preference and suddenly it is not such a taboo topic. They are able to be open about their sexuality – and act upon it.

As Ms. Langley quoted in her article, “Now, if you can get it up, cover it up.” (Said by Jane Fowler in reference to Bob Dole and his ads for Viagra.) It is imperative for even the geriatric set to learn the necessity of using a condom.

As Ice T said, “AIDS is such a scary thing and it's also the kind of thing that you think won't happen to you. It can happen to you and it's deadly serious.”

There is one quote that absolutely fries my groin and that comes from the late Jerry Falwell. “AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”

I agree with Calvin Klein more, when he said “AIDS is an absolutely tragic disease. The argument about AIDS' being some kind of divine retribution is crap.”

Perhaps Susan Sontag sums it up best of all: “AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide. Or murder."

I end with this plea. On December 1, World AIDS Day, urge President-elect Obama to continue to fund HIV/AIDS programs. So go to this site and sign the petition, please.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~
Fanny

2008-11-26T08:59:00.003-10:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

May your "center" be as deep and colorful

as the center of this hibiscus.

Be grateful for all you have

and all you don't have

that you thought you needed.

Be generous with those who have too little

and tolerant of those who have too much.

Allow the spirit of gratitude show

in every act of your day.

YES!

Especially "that" act!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

Geriatric Sex

2008-11-22T18:00:00.001-10:00

Well, it’s Fabulous Fanny, here again with answers for your questions about sex.

I’ve recently had quite a few emails asking about sex for older people. This came as a response from my questions last week about losing your virginity. Most of them said it had happened so long ago that they couldn’t remember. I have a hard time remembering that, myself, and I’m not that old!

So back to sex in older people. I think sometimes it’s difficult for younger people to imagine their parents, or grandparents doing the nasty. After all, aren’t they over that? Shouldn’t grandma be in the kitchen and grandpa out playing golf? At best, aren’t they out dancing to a Lawrence Welk type band?

Not so fast there, you young sprouts. Think about yourself! Would you want to stop having sex just because you get a little older? If you enjoy it now, what makes you think you won’t enjoy it as you get older, too?

Oh, I know that some of you think the bodies of older people aren’t as limber as yours and therefore they can’t really get into that kind of activity. The surprise is that having sex tends to help keep them limbered up. There is absolutely no reason not to continue enjoying what you love doing for as long as you want to do it.

You’ve heard the myths, I’m sure, and those keep being perpetuated by people who don’t really know.

For example, you hear that a man can’t get it up after a certain age. That is only partially true, because not getting it up (or keeping it up) can be from some other medical problem. But I know many men who can still get a healthy erection well into their 70s and 80s, and beyond.

For those who don’t have the physical ability, but still have the libido, there are meds, more commonly known as “the little blue pill” or even “the little yellow pill.” They do work wonders. The blue pill does help with maintaining an erection, but it’s fairly short-acting. The latest (and best) is the yellow pill. It works for up to 72 hours.

Now that doesn’t mean a man keeps an erection for 72 hours! Lordy, no! What it means is that it gives him the ability to have sex whenever he feels the desire during that period of time. It takes a lot of the “planning” out of it and gives room for more spontaneity.

I just love spontaneity, don’t you?

Of course, if someone simply isn’t turned on, neither of these pills will work. The pills only work if you are turned on to begin with, and they help you keep it up.

This is where your partner comes in. It’s up to the other person in this relationship, to get the man turned on. We need to make sure he has a reason to want to take one of those little blue or yellow pills!

There’s another ugly rumor going around that women lose interest in sex during their menopausal years. I believe there are many women who do lost interest, but it’s a two-way street. If we reject our partners every time they make an overture, they’ll soon quit asking, and will start to look elsewhere.

If you want to keep your man from wandering, you’d better get interested again, and FAST. I know it can be too easy to get side-tracked into playing bridge, or shopping, or baking cookies for the grandchildren. But nowhere is it written that we are good for nothing more than that after a certain age.

Perhaps we think we are no longer attractive with our wrinkles and stretch marks. Maybe we have put on a little weight and think we cannot be appealing. Or maybe our mothers told us that once our child-bearing years were over that sex should stop.

Don’t believe that for a single second!

The best way for you to get interested in sex again is to think “SEX.” Get out of your cookbooks and into a little pornography. Can you truthfully say that a good sexy novel or picture or movie doesn’t get your juices flowing even a little bit?

I enjoy looking at “dirty pictures” with my partner. In fact, we share what we find with each other. It’s just one more way to let each other know what really does turn us on.

I leave you with that little bit of advice for now. I’m sure there will be more to come in my next post. Please just stop stereotyping the “blue rinse set.”

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

A New Direction

2008-11-15T19:00:00.002-10:00

After thirty posts, I’ve noticed a trend in who reads these posts, and how people respond. Therefore (tah dah!) I’m heading in a little different direction. Because I get most of my responses via email, I get very few public comments on the post itself. That’s just fine, except that I think other people would also enjoy knowing what is being said by uh…other people. (big eye roll here)

Also, I started this mostly as an “advice” blog, but advice is appropriate mostly for my college students. They bombard me with questions, which I love answering. They are so eager to learn, but not about sex per se.

They are curious about what’s right, what’s not so right, how far can they go in being “perverted,” how to let someone know they are interested without being considered “brazen” or too forward. They want to know how to handle a boyfriend or girlfriend who either wants too much sex or not enough. They ask questions about breast implant, and why a young guy can lose an erection so quickly.

You know the sort of things they ask! We’ve all been there, and maybe we still are. Even at my age, it’s hard to know the best way to let someone know they turn me on! But I’m also extremely shy, which is probably why I feel I can open up more online.

So maybe this is a good place to ask how my readers would answer some of these questions.

At times, I might give you my own thoughts about the topic, then open it up each week to those of you who come here regularly (or irregularly). At other times, I may simply ask the question and see where it goes, then comment afterward.

What you have to say here will also help my students in their quest for answers. For example, even though many of them have already been sexually active from an early age, they want to know if they are unique or if they are about average.

So my question for the week is this: At what age did you lose your virginity, and was the experience traumatic or pleasurable? Any other comments you want to add to this will be appreciated by some very randy boys and girls in my classes.

Your responses will be kept anonymous, so please let me know how you want your comments to be marked. I will compile the answers and give a report. If you don’t say anything, I won’t have anything to report, so please show us your best answers.

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

Election Wet Dreams

2008-11-08T18:00:00.001-10:00

Who among us hasn’t had fantasies of at least one celebrity?

Years ago, in my young adult days, when everyone else had a crush on Elvis, my personal heartthrob was Harry Belefonte. Not only did I fantasize with him in mind and heart, but he actually showed up in some of my nighttime dreams. Even today, when he and I are both older (by many years), I can get turned on by him.

Believe it or not, another fantasy I had was good old Popeye! He was strong, and he could slay the dragons of any girl’s heart. And when he popped open that can of spinach, and his muscles grew, I could just imagine the testosterone that was flowing through his skinny body.

Who said cartoons were for kids??

Just for a few minutes, think about the one who has been your fantasy celebrity (or maybe more than one), and what you imagine yourself doing with that person. I’ll wait while you indulge yourself in a little decadent fantasy here.

Go put on some nice sexy music while you fantasize. Get dressed (or undressed). Have fun!

(pause)

Okay, that’s long enough!

Now, let’s get back to the elections for just a couple more minutes. This is an equal opportunity blog, so we’ll consider all four of the final candidates, and you might want to even consider others who didn’t make the final cut. I have my favorites there, too.

I have a male friend who is absolutely besotted with Sarah Palin, even though he doesn’t agree with her politics. She turns him on in a big way, although to be honest, she doesn’t do a damned thing for me!

So if you are a heterosexual man reading this, you might have been fantasizing about Madam Sarah. I’m sure you aren’t the only man in the world who fantasizes about her. ‘Fess up now!

Of course, you could be a man of either persuasion and find yourself fantasizing about any of the other candidates. There is something quite sexy about all three of the final candidates. Or maybe even Sarah’s Dude? He is rather cute, huh? Or maybe the scared future son-in-law who knocked up the daughter?

But let’s stick to the Big Four for purposes of this post.

McCain has been more handsome in the past, I think. I knew about him when I spent a few years living in Arizona, and he was a hunk then. Campaigning did a number on him, and it wasn’t good. But nevertheless, I’ve heard he cuts quite a figure with the old blue rinse set in Arizona.

Frankly, I think Biden might have more potential in a fantasy scene than McCain. He has that twinkle in his eye that is very suggestive, don’t you think? He’s not nearly as old, and things might still work a bit better (especially with that little blue pill – or the little yellow one).

And then there’s the new president-elect. In a way, he reminds me of a political Harry Belafonte, especially in his more casual moments. Whether or not you agree with his politics, he’ll be much nicer to watch in the news than our Current Occupant. I like it when he smiles, and I know he’s devoted to his wife. (And isn’t SHE a hunk!?)

Well, dream on, girls and boys! There are a few of the original contestants for the highest office in our country who would make a nice fantasy lover. I suppose I’ve thought about the abilities of every single one of them in some way or another. And that’s a nice fantasy in itself. Maybe a political orgy??

No, I’m not going to tell you which one I fantasize about most! I think I’ll stick with Popeye. He’s the only one who doesn’t seem to age – and oh, what that spinach can do!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

VOTE!

2008-11-03T09:58:00.003-10:00

Get a Free Sex Toy when you vote???

Hallelujah!

Amen!

Check out this website right away.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27455136/

I don’t know if these will be given out where you vote, but who knows??
Stranger things have happened!

Be sure to keep your “I VOTED” sticker.
Show it at some of the places listed in this article.

Many issues we sex bloggers have will be at stake!

So the main thing is this…

VOTE!!

(Check out www.carryabigsticker.com)

The Dark

2008-11-01T18:00:00.002-10:00

I wanted to do something special for Halloween, but I’m writing this on November 1, All Saints’ Day, and you’ll probably read it on November 2. Each of these festival days can be wrapped up together in Samhain (pronounced SOW-in, where “ow” rhymes with “cow” and means “summer’s end” in Irish Gaelic).

If you knew what I know about the sex lives of some of the saints, you’d be surprised. I won’t let you in on their secrets this time, however – maybe next year. So since Samhain is generally celebrated from October 31 through November 5), I can legitimately discuss it in this post.

It is said that the veil between this earth and “the other side” is the thinnest at this time. The spirits cross into our world and cause all sorts of mischief. And if you don’t know what kind of mischief to get into, then I’m afraid I can’t help you. Do you really need suggestions?

It might help your imagination to know that traditionally, Samhain is a night when the High Priestess and High Priest perform the Great Rite. In a ritual, he dips his knife into her chalice. (blush) This may be done symbolically, but it is also carried out in reality as they proceed to have sexual intercourse on the altar.

Oh my! Have you ever fantasized about having sex on an altar? I actually have had sex on an altar, but I’ll save that story for another time. So go set up an altar in the middle of a meadow somewhere and get to it!

In the Celtic lands, the whole idea of dressing up in costume during this season began as cross-dressing. Of course, in Scotland the men wore kilts anyway, so the point was moot. I’ve always loved the idea of men in skirts (and women in trousers). That will be the topic of a future blog, I’m sure. Here is my closest friend in his kilt, a handsome divil!

During Samhain, the Dark Goddess, or the Crone, descends into all women. Last week I talked about my fascination with Lilith. In some lists, She is considered one of the many Dark Goddesses. When Lilith’s spirit descends into me, she reminds me that I, too, am one of the Crones. She helps me transition from a past life into a future one. She encourages me to look inside myself for those aspects of “me” that I never would show to anyone else ordinarily.

We don’t like using the word “Crone” much because it makes us think we are “old” and look like a hag. The Crone has become the modern day “witch.” But in ancient times, it was the third aspect of the Pagan Triple Goddess, and to be a Crone was to be honored and respected for your wisdom and insight.

I may be a Crone, but I feel like I become more sexual and sensual as I grow older, and all because of Lilith, my dark and powerful Crone Goddess. She transforms me into a wise, lovely, and sexy older woman. She helps me to break out of the restrictions of my past. That’s what Samhain was always about, and we women have had that taken away from us.

What are your restrictions? What boundaries do you want to break through this next year? Find your own Dark Goddess and let Her guide you through the Dark Mysteries.

There is a lot of sex magick waiting to be performed at this time of year, so let the sexual magick begin!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~ ~

Fanny

In the Spirit of Lilith

2008-10-25T18:00:00.001-10:00

Lilith first came to me through a Jewish friend almost twenty years ago. I had expressed some of my sexual desires to her and the problems I thought I had with relationships. Typically, I’ve been too strong for most of the men I bring into my life.

In our conversation, my friend looked at me and said, “You are Lilith.” I had no idea who she was talking about at the time, but the concept sounded erotic and exciting.

Since then, I have read everything I could about Lilith, and I share her with you as your own personal Goddess.

Some of the Jewish mystical texts say that Lilith was Adam’s first wife. According to the legend, Adam wouldn’t let Lilith be on top when they were having sex, because he felt he was superior to her. Lilith claimed that she had been created out of the earth just the same way Adam had, and that made her his equal in all things, including the sex act.

I’m not clear whether Adam kicked her out of the Garden of Eden, or if Lilith just decided to leave and go out into the world on her own. Knowing what I know about her now, I’m sure she just took off on her own. It wouldn’t be like her to have gone just because Adam told her to go.

There are many other stories that have been told about Lilith over the centuries. One says that Adam had gotten tired of coupling with the animals in his herds, so he asked God for another human with whom he could mate. Once again, Lilith wouldn’t accept Adam’s male dominance so she left.

Yet another story says that Lilith and Adam were created as twins, joined at the back. When Lilith was not given the equality she deserved, she left in anger.

Lilith has had a bad rap for thousands of years, as have most women. She represented the evil of sexuality and created great fear in men’s hearts. Any woman who could make a man feel randy, or seduce him into “immoral” acts, had to be evil.

According to some of the stories, she comes to men in their dreams, copulating with them, which makes the men have nocturnal emissions, or “wet dreams.” Naughty Lilith!

There are stories that Lilith killed babies, so new mothers placed amulets around the cribs to protect their newborns from her.

The more I read about Lilith, the more I did not believe the stories about her. On the contrary, she came to represent my own lusty character. Lilith gave me permission to be more sexually alive without shame.

Throughout my teen years, I walked the line between being a “good girl” and a “bad girl.” The “bad girl” wanted more time, but the “good girl” kept me in line. She wasn’t always successful, but I paid the price.

As I became an adult, I continued being the “good girl” on the outside, but inside, my “bad girl” was rebelling loudly. Even marriage couldn’t contain the “bad girl,” and like Lilith, I finally ran away. I began to understand the darkness in my soul that drove me to living out my “bad girl” without being disgraced.

I can’t begin to tell you everything about Lilith here. Please go to www.lilithinstitute.com and look at all the work there. I suggest that you read Liturgy for Lilith by Cosi Fabian for a beautiful ode to this incredibly sexy lady, with the free-flowing hair, big breasts, and insatiable sex drive.

If you can identify with Lilith as much as I do, there are a couple books I recommend you read to learn more. The first is Lilith's Fire by Deborah Grenn-Scot that is about Lilith only. The second book, The Dark Archetype, discusses other dark goddesses and gods, which includes Lilith. Both are fascinating to read.

Watch for Lilith to appear again next week. I’ve decided that Fanny's "bad girl" is tame compared to Lilith. Maybe I should change my name to Lilith!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~

Fanny

Affiliate Flavorites

2008-10-18T18:00:00.004-10:00

If you want to dress up for Halloween to get more of that sweet candy from your honey, check out the site above. And while you’re at it, vote for your favorite sex toy. The toys are all dressed up for Halloween, too.

This is my way of introducing you to some of the ads on this page. I don’t want to clutter up my site with too many, but some are worth checking out. I know from experience!

So what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? Take the quiz at Blogthings. I found out that I’m strawberry ice cream – “A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core. You often find yourself on the outside looking in. Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works. You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.” Now, I wonder who is chocolate chip??

On the very bottom of this blog is an ad that includes a variety of flavors for your taste. To follow up on a post I wrote a couple weeks ago , you can click on "Alt.com" from that banner ad and find people who would love to fulfill your fantasies or discuss them with you. Whatever your fantasy, you are not alone – trust me on this!

That same banner ad also shows "Out Personals" for the finest of men for men. You’ll find your own flavor there, too, I’m sure. I have not added a specific site for women seeking other women yet, but on any of the sites shown here, you can state that you are a woman looking for a woman, and indicate your age range preference. Most sites offer all your favorite flavors.

"Adult Friend Finder" is also on that banner ad, or what so many of us refer to as AFF. I’ve met some very interesting men and women in person from that site. On the bottom of their home page, there are several versions of AFF, such as "Senior Friend Finder" for the older generation, "Asia Friend Finder", and many others. There is even "Friend Finder" to find “just” a friend.

Again, so many flavors to choose from, or try them all! I have tried quite a few flavors from AFF over the years. I met my current honey of almost four years on AFF, and haven’t been disappointed yet. As someone once said, “How do you go about meeting someone if you are always working?”

There are several other sites on Fanny’s blog that you can try out , sort of like trying out new places to eat (so to speak)! I have chatted online with several from "Sexy Ads." Their ad is on the left, just under "Wicked Temptations," another great place to buy sexy lingerie and clothing.

I have never tried any of the flavors at "Online Booty Call," but I’ve heard good things about it. If you are tired of seeing some of the same ads everywhere, you might give this one a try. They advertise themselves as “a dating site for singles who enjoy being single,” and those who are not looking for a wife or husband. That’s refreshing!!

In spite of the temptations these dating sites offer, my favorite banner on Fanny is with Amazon. I show five pages of the most seductive books and juicy reading you can find anywhere. This isn’t nearly all the books I recommend, but it’s a good start to getting your battery charged and your engine revved up.

Do I need to remind you that by clicking on these links from this site enables Fanny to keep bringing you a bit of fun and a frolicking read each week? Please click on them, if nothing more than to check them out and see what’s new in your flavour du jour.

I guarantee you that no matter your age, size, shape, kink, or orientation you’ll find someone who shares that with you. Maybe they’ve been looking for you! I'm off to look for my chocolate chip!

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~

Fanny

What Kind of Writer Am I?

2008-10-11T18:00:00.002-10:00

On a blog I regularly read, the question was “What type of writer should you be?” There was a brief survey that I filled in and this is what I discovered.

You Should Be a Film Writer!

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.

You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.

Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.

And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I have never really thought about what kind of writer I am or should be. Mostly, I just write what I’m thinking about, and that can be dangerous territory. I suggest that you check out the website and look at some of their other surveys.

For instance, there is a survey to see if you would be a good wife or husband, to find out if you are a physical flirt, and are you in love?

I haven’t bothered with the one that asks if I’m an attention whore. I already know I am not, although I would like to be!

Maybe I will consider writing film noir and focus on sexual fantasies and other moral ambiguities. That’s where my head is most of the time.

Now I can fill my head with my new designation! Anyone want to star in my next film?

(Laughing hysterically here)

Ever since I found out that I am a “film writer,” I’ve had a lot of scenarios go through my head. Most of them take off from my blog a couple weeks ago. I’ve also been reading up on How to Write A Movie in 21 Days. It's an old book, but still excellent material.

I’d love to see what kind of spin some of you would put on my fantasies to make them into a good film. Help me out here! Since my SO is out of town for another week or so, I need some stimulation!

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

The Role of Fantasy

2008-10-04T21:00:00.001-10:00

Last week I had fun thinking up a few combination fantasy locations. I’ve had some great comments from that post, and I have to admit that some of those ideas I wrote about were a bit titillating for me, too.

Questions always seem to come up about the role of fantasy in our lives, and whether it is a good idea to make our fantasies become reality. What a dull world this would be if we never fantasized, but what a dangerous world this could be if we actually acted out some of our fantasies.

Why do we fantasize? Is there some sort of psychological need in us that creates fantasies that we might never really want to happen? Fantasy is a safe way to release our culturally repressed tendencies, a way for certain hidden desires to emerge from within a moralistic society. It performs a therapeutic function.

The reasons for fantasy do not seem to be the same for both genders. I have read that men who fantasize generally do not have much of an actual sex life, if any. Women who fantasize, on the other hand, usually have a fairly active sex life. We women can come up with all sorts of stories to fan our fire into greater flame.

Women may fantasize about being raped (which does not mean they want to be, nor does it condone rape). In their minds, they get turned on about being seduced or attacked by someone they don’t know. The woman who has actually been raped will not have that fantasy again, if she ever did.

On Father’s Day, I talked about the fantasy some women have about being “Daddy’s Little Girl.” Some men fantasize about being Mommy’s or Daddy’s "Little Boy.”

One woman came to me as a client, saying she always fantasized about being the maid in someone’s home and that the master of the house always had his way with her, often spanking her for some misdeed. She thought maybe something was wrong with her, and I assured her she was quite normal.

Some women go beyond spanking and fantasize about being tied down and rendered helpless, and may have a partner who agrees to that sort of sexual play, complete with appropriate costuming. Along with that might come the fantasy of being flogged or whipped.

This could border on abuse if not entered into with caution and consent. In fact, the key for this type of fantasy play is “safe, sane, and consensual.” There are a number of books and websites where you can find more information, discuss the topic with others in “the scene,” explore your feelings, and so much more.

Years ago, I happened to run across an old book with a copyright of 1974, S-M The Last Taboo: A Study of SadoMasochism, by Gerald and Caroline Greene. My copy is well-worn, falling apart, and full of termite holes. Because it was written thirty-four years ago, I assumed it was no longer in print. On a fluke, I went to Amazon and found that there is a newer edition. The opening picture is the front cover of that edition.

The following link will take you to a page for the old edition, but if you scroll down just a little, you will see “also available in…” Click on the second line for the paperback (2nd Blue Moon Books Ed.) and it will take you to the page for the newer 2003 edition.

The Greene couple have done a thorough and fascinating study on this theme of Sado-Masochism, which I will refer to as “s-m.” Although my old copy does not have a bibliography, the text is full of cited quotes from scholastic authorities.

They have devoted one entire chapter to Havelock Ellis (1859-1939). Ellis covered this topic of s-m in many of his papers. One such was a “Love and Pain” monograph, clearly distinguishing between fantasy and reality. The Wikipedia article about him is erotic reading in itself.

Why do I have such a dearly loved moth-eaten book? I have to admit that whether or not I would ever enter into such a relationship, reading about it is exceedingly arousing for me. At times my imagination takes me to places of incomprehensible delight (blush).

The last 122 pages of their book is devoted to extracts from many books that had been censored at one time. According to the authors, “they mostly employ fantasy and are unashamed in their delight…” Those are the most worn pages in my old copy.

There are many books on this particular theme of s-m, but I want to recommend several books by John Warren, PhD. If you are interested in buying one, please click on these links.

May you enjoy all of these books on a lazy afternoon and be "unashamed in your delight!"

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

Dream Fantasies

2008-09-27T19:00:00.004-10:00

Today is my birthday! No, I’m not going to tell you how old I am, but I can bet my bottom. . . uh, dollar I’m older than you!

So on my birthday, I’d like to indulge in fantasy. This time, my fantasies are not about what sort of kinky thing I’m going to do either with someone else or alone.

This time, my fantasies are about kinky places I’d like to live.

Fantasies are like this golden glow on Lake Powell at sunset. They are real, but illusive and often fleeting. Maybe someday one of my fantasies will come true – and I don’t think I’d be there alone!

My brother and I can talk about almost anything – and we do. He came up with a wonderful mini-proposal for a nude farming polyamorous co-op. Let’s see, does that mean we’d all run around in the nude, planting potatoes and feeding the chickens, having more than one lover? I haven’t quite figured out how the co-op part fits in, but I imagine he’ll explain it to me.

How about a surfing diaper-lover organic restaurant? All the surfer dudes and dudettes would be wearing organic cotton diapers while they serve homegrown food to patrons.

Or an S/m peacenik orchard? The highway sign would sport a body tied to a cherry tree (a bit of symbolism there, huh?) while the locals wave peace signs at passers-by and invite them in to sample the . . . um. . . fruit.

Maybe an island bar for aging Scots? All the old folks (male and female) wear kilts in the traditional style while they drink and cavort around the island.

There should be a retreat location created for cross-dressing fetishist dog trainers. (Don’t ask.)

Or perhaps a Greek-style swingers health spa? We would all have Greek-style sex with other members while we wait our turn for a healthy colon cleansing in the sunning booth, drinking ginger tea.

I suspect there are many who would go for a thong orgy golf course. There would be a country club connected to it for special dances and parties when the awards were given out for the most revealing thong, as well as the lowest golf score.

Someone might enjoy a fantasy community with a public spanking bench where folks of either gender are disciplined by the Head of their Household and others who choose to help with the administration.

When choosing the nursing home for my old age, I’d like to be cared for by nude and virile young men and women of all sizes and shapes. If I got bored with the TV reruns, I would have them perform for me.

I’ve often thought about establishing a Home for Broken Down Broads. Aging prostitutes and dirty old men and women could gather for fun and games. Payment for “services” could be with Monopoly money so that those of us on Social Security could afford it.

There is definitely a place for a village where everyone could play whatever role they wanted – Doctor/patient, Daddy/little girl, Policeman/jaywalker, Teacher/student – all dressed their part. An endless list of role playing!

In any of these neighborhoods we would need to make sure there was an adult toy store, a porn movie house, a fetish clothing shop, and an animal shelter. All of these sites would give us access to horse-back riding, fresh milk and eggs, and plenty of farming areas. We would need to be self-sufficient, because an outside world would either avoid us completely, send local authorities after us, or beat a path to our door for entrance.

Please, please let your imaginations run wild and send me your suggestions. I’ll do whatever I can to make your fantasies come true – at least on this blog!

In the meantime, please support the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. We all are being fingered (so to speak) for sexual acts far more benign than the fantasies I’ve created here.

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

The Current Issue

2008-09-20T21:00:00.001-10:00

As I write this blog for posting tonight, I want to remind you to vote in the Primary Election! I voted early this morning, and out of that exercise came this particular post. Some people may think I have no business getting political in a blog about sex matters, but in this case, it’s time we understand how closely the two are related. I’m feeling it at a gut level.

I’m disgusted with the hype around “the current issue” and her family. I won’t dwell on it, because I don’t want to give her that much energy or time. I do suggest that you read blogs that go into it quite well. I won’t add to the numbers, but I encourage you to be a critical thinker in this election.

So in that spirit, I offer you several links. Please read them! Most relate to our interest in sex and sexuality in some tangential way. No matter which political party you support, the “current issue” must surely be against what we sexophiles stand for – freedom.

Greta Christina writes a wonderful blog on sex toys and issues. I highly recommend one of her recent posts. After you read that, you may want to subscribe for the latest and greatest in toys (fanning myself here).

An article on www.alternet.org indirectly relates to my current issue. Margot Canaday of The Nation talks about how the sodomy laws came into being. It was not about being gay or lesbian, but about any act that was not for procreation. That seems to come under the heading of “no form of birth control for teens,” doesn’t it?

Three years ago, The Salon initiated a blog called “The Broadsheet.” It reminds me that gender is political. There is usually one “WTF” post, and recently there has been a regular comment on “The Daily Palin.” Their last issue had an exceptionally good read by Sarah Hepola.

Some of the issues surrounding the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate would be funny, if they weren’t so scary. This article comes from www.ewire.com, a blog on environment, health, science, and technology. It describes the “Rubber Dodo” award given to the woman who is “the current issue.” (At first, I read that as Rubber Dildo! You can tell where my mind is!) No one deserves that award as much as Sarah.

I think the entire world must think the U.S. is nuts! Here is an article from www.care2.com, a news network out of Australia that presents socially conscious news.

Let’s take a quick break from all this insanity and have a really good belly laugh!

Now back to “the current issue.” Visit http://today.msnbc.msn.com/ and click on "Palin reality check" for a truly great story. But hurry! It might be taken off the web in the great cover-up.

Two of my favorite authors and columnists are Anne Lamott and Garrison Keillor. Both have written excellent articles on “the current issue” that were published in The Salon. Keillor’s tongue-in-cheek comments are particularly wonderful.

Lamott’s article expresses my feelings exactly. I’ll conclude this post by saying I agree with her comments below the title of the article.

She says, “How to handle the fury brought on by this election? Register voters, hit the streets, pray. Stop talking about her. Talk about Obama.”

So I promise this is the last time you’ll hear me rant on about “the current issue.”

Zipping my lip!

How Can I Explain?

2008-09-13T21:00:00.001-10:00

I recently was asked how a woman’s brain and body work together. I’ll do my best to answer. This may or may not be brief, but if anyone really wants to know my answer to this question this morning, they will read it through. Because I cannot speak for all women, this will be about me. Still I’m sure many women find themselves in the same place.

How often I have said that I am a complicated person. I’ve known that all along. I have a hunch this is fairly typical of most women, which is why men say they will never understand us.

For me, sex can be either strictly physical, or it can be a combination of physical and psychological or emotional. Fortunately, during my single years, I learned how to make it more strictly physical, so I wouldn’t get hurt emotionally. I was ready to give it up entirely because I was tired of the “game.”

Then my lover came along – and out of the blue, sex became both physical and psychological/emotional again – for better or worse. It is scary to be so vulnerable.

There are times when I am overwhelmed with a sexual need, and it’s not just when we get together after being apart for several weeks. He likes to refer to it as a "virgin" quality. Sometimes that raw sexual need comes after he’s been here a couple days, and has nothing to do with not being "used" for a while.

It also comes when he is not here. That’s masturbation time!

Sometimes when he first gets here, what I really want is for him to hold me tight, caress me, tell me how he’s missed me. That is sexual for me, although not specifically "sex." I need the spoken words more than he does.

I’ve often told clients that there are a million ways to make love – sex is only one! I recently wrote about it in a post. So when we are working together outside or on any project, that (to me) is making love, too. Teaching together, cooking or eating a meal together, all of that is making love.

So back to SEX. Sometimes I like it the way he does - light lubrication, nice erect penis, feeling “taken” in a way, because I love his neediness, and I enjoy responding to it. The goal, however, is not orgasm specifically, but the entire act can be exceptionally satisfying. The same thing happens for him, so I know he understands.

What I need changes, too. Sometimes I need (and crave) a long time in the bed with him slowly fingering me. Sometimes I need (and crave) some of the more kinky ways we play.

The big question comes as to how to let him know when I need a certain style of sex, but the problem is that while I can write it (like here), I am still too shy to tell him what I’m needing. He’s attempting to pull me through that.

He knows the things that turn me on, and in the past, I’ve expected him to just spontaneously provide it. That’s not fair to him, and as a result, sometimes it doesn’t happen.

I know these feelings are not exclusively mine. Others who read it will say, “Oh yes, that’s exactly the way it is.”

I like it all! And whichever way he wants to start is absolutely fine with me! The idea is to just start!

I blow you a kiss ~
Fanny

Gallimaufry

2008-09-06T21:00:00.002-10:00

Well, that word should send most of you scrambling for your dictionary!

I’ll save you the trouble. Like my name (Lucette) it originally came from the French. It was a hash made out of meat scraps. That should tell you where my head is today as I write my weekly words.

It’s been “one of those weeks,” kids. I was away at a writers conference for five days and came back to a full schedule that I wasn’t as well prepared for as usual. I take pride in being ready for anything that comes along, but this week clobbered me.

My brain is full of gallimaufry – in its original meaning. An alternate meaning for the word is “miscellany.” So that’s where we’ll go today. Maybe by next week, one distinct flavor will start to emerge from the hash.

What scraps of meat make up my gallimaufry?

The 2008 Erection – I mean Election! I hate to admit that there are some positives about everyone who is running, but that’s the problem. Having “some” positives isn’t enough to excite me about any candidate. I am in great fear and shame for our country. No matter how progressive we may pretend we have become in our thinking, we are still run by those who think any body part below the neck is to be ignored, avoided and labeled obscene. I don’t want to get started on all the election issues I think are crazy!

Sex! Sure I think about sex a lot – what kind, with whom, when, how often, why, and a host of other related questions. I learned long ago not to equate Sex with Love, but I still think about it. Can I love someone without having sex? Of course, but then I wonder “Why bother?” After the orgasm, then what? You need to have a connection of the intelligence, or a shared “cause,” or an activity beyond yourselves. My thoughts run amuck with all these questions.

Kink! Just what, who, where, when, how is “kink”? The word “kink” is basically a noun or an adjective (if you add the “y”). If you want to have some funky fun, look in Roget’s Thesaurus for all the various meanings. Probably every single one of the words listed can be used in a sexual way. Let your mind run away with “bend or twist,” “twisted,” “complication,” “idiosyncrasy,” “bizarre,” “perverted,” and my favorite, “spasm of muscular tissue.” There were 71 different words in my copy of Roget. That’s a lot of ways to have fun!

Television! I have spent most of my many years not watching TV. As a result, I never know where to put my set. Oh yes, I have a TV/VCR combo that I bought a thousand years ago. It’s not a sleek whatever-it-is that’s the newest thing in entertainment. But it serves my purpose (which is nothing). I do use it for watching movies occasionally, or when someone calls me and says there’s something happening I really need to see (like 9/11). I’ve kept it in my bedroom, but I get more pleasure out of other things in my bedroom besides watching TV - like reading, sleeping, dressing and undressing, and sexing. So the TV never is turned on. I recently moved it to my office, across from my computer so I can write and watch at the same time. My two favorite channels are the Weather Channel and the Food Channels. (Wonder what that says about me?) But I forget I have it handy now, and it still doesn’t get turned on much.

NEWS! I read my news online so I don’t watch it on TV, nor do I subscribe to a tangible newspaper. I even subscribe to my local daily newspaper online, rather than let a stack of newsprint accumulate in the corner. “News” isn’t true news, anyway. It only takes us back to an absurd election, a so-called “war” I don’t believe in, sex scandals that aren’t, and silly celebrities. What’s “new” about all that?? I’d rather sit here with my gallimaufry.

Birthdays! I’m the poster girl for Libra. I love any celebration, but who gives a damn about getting older? I’m growing older as gracefully as I possibly can, but there is no graceful way to hide the fact that I’m no longer in my twenties. In many ways, I believe I’m more beautiful and gracious now than when I was in my twenties – and I’m certainly wiser. But one piece of my meat hash is that another birthday will be here and gone by the end of this month.

Relationships! Yes, I’m in one, and with an absolutely wonderful man. We live a thirty-minute plane ride apart and are with each other in person about one week out of every three. That time apart is both Hell and Heaven. I love my time alone, but I miss him like crazy when he’s not here. Will that change? I don’t know, and at this point, it’s not critical. Maybe not living together is the reason we have such a good relationship. The familiarity of living in the same house brings up all sorts of problems that could be avoided.

Gifts! My honey usually sends gifts of fresh produce from his garden or building materials like screws (there seems to be something rather symbolic in that!), but recently he’s started sending me sexy panties! My choice has almost always been more utilitarian, but I’ve learned how to enjoy sexy panties under my conservative work clothes. (sigh) Each day he wants to know the pair du jour.

Well, I’ve had my fill of gallimaufry for now. As I wrote this hash or miscellany, my thoughts began to clear. I’m not as scattered as I was when I started, and I see a post coming in the future out of each of these pieces of meat.

The spices I add will help the flavor.

I blow you a kiss ~ ~ ~
Fanny

Who is Guilty?

2008-08-30T21:00:00.003-10:00

I love to travel, but one trip I’ve stopped making is the “guilt trip.” Too often I was asked one of these questions or variations of such.

“Don’t you feel guilty about leaving your husband and children?”

“Don’t you feel guilty about quitting that job?”

“Don’t you feel guilty about having an affair?”

“Don’t you feel guilty about____?” You fill in the blanks. We each have our own destination in these trips.

There were two things early on that helped me stop going on those trips just because others thought I should.

The first was something I read by Wayne Dyer years ago, who said that when we’re caught up in our past, we’re feeling “guilt.” Time spent in the past keeps us from being in the now. There is way too much going on in my “now” to feel that guilt.

The second was a sentence in a small book that said guilt was only something we create to make ourselves feel bad, or to punish ourselves. I can’t remember the author, and I’m probably not even remembering it correctly. If I find either of these books I’ll give you the proper quotes another time. It’s the thought behind what both of these men wrote that I want to address.

People I know often wonder aloud why I never feel “guilty” about anything anymore. In fact, I’m more likely to get “Don’t you feel guilty because you don’t feel guilty?” Now that’s a big joke, isn’t it?

There is true guilt, of course. If I kill someone, which I’m not likely to do, I can be put on trial, judged guilty in a court of law, and serve time in prison because of it.

But I'm talking about that false sense of guilt we use to punish ourselves and ultimately project onto others in our lives. In other words, if I feel guilty enough, then I am passing judgment on myself, in case others don’t. That kind of guilt doesn’t solve problems or salve the hurt of others.

So what do we do with all that “guilt?” How can we stop doing that to ourselves? There are several ways we can handle it.

One way, of course, is to continue to punish ourselves, pretending that it will make everything all right if we make ourselves feel badly enough. That solution doesn’t feel good to me at all.

Another way, is to rectify the situation. We can go back and make amends to the ones we’ve hurt, and not do it again. Does this always take care of the situation? No, and sometimes it makes it worse, especially if they don’t know what you’ve done.

Some people repress the memories of it, hoping they’ll eventually forget. That kind of gnawing in our gut doesn’t go away, though, and we wonder why we develop ulcers, or worse. Cancer can result from an untended guilt.

I found that making amends to myself worked for my situation. If I treated others the way I sometimes treat myself, I wouldn’t have many friends left. When I forgive myself for what I supposedly did wrong, I am treating myself the way I would another friend.

I remember a client (I’ll call her May) several decades ago who came to me with all her “guilt.” After letting her vent for a while, I asked her to close her eyes and hold out her hands. I asked her to hold little May in her hands, caress her, love her, forgive her for doing what she did. Slowly I took her back to when she was a little girl. When I said, “Now bring little May up to your heart,” May started sobbing as if her heart had broken.

You might do that for yourself. Close your eyes and hold yourself in your own hands. Talk to the “you” that you hold, forgive “you” of whatever you did, and promise “you” that you don’t hold it against her/him. Speak for those others that “you” hurt, offer their forgiveness as well. It really does work in absentia, in spirit if not in the flesh.

Does all this mean you will never transgress again? Of course not, because we are human. But we have a choice. We can either permit all that guilt to eat us alive and prevent us from having an enjoyable life, or we can forgive ourselves for what cannot be undone and get on with life.

You bet I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t done, or that hurt other people, and I’m sure I’ll probably do it again. In the meantime, I don’t let it ruin my life. I can’t undo it, and in most instances, my life turned out better once I let go of it. The Higher Power in my life didn’t turn away from me in disgust, but rather said, “Okay, you’ve done this, you’ve chosen a path that might not have been the best. Let’s see what we can do next to make it turn out better after all.” In other words, I was given another chance to do something good with my life.

Letting false guilt take hold of my life is a rather selfish and arrogant way to live. When I get outside of myself, when I stop feeling sorry for myself, or punishing myself, I can do much more good in the world for others. I can take in more love because my heart is not clogged up with “guilt.”

Who Wears The Pants In This House?

2008-08-23T21:00:00.001-10:00

The notion of who in “in charge” with any relationship can be a sticky one. That needs to be decided by the two or three (or more) who share a home. I’m not here to give you the ultimate answer to that, although you probably figured out I have my own perspective and prejudices.

Fortunately we live in an era where we can make that choice. There was a time when it was decided for us. Men were Head of Household with no questions asked, and I believe that many men are sorry they gave up that position. Women were the “wee wife” without any thought to her opinions, although I suspect men did heed the words of their wives more than they wanted to admit.

Today, there are women who are ready to give some of that authority back to men. That varies from relationship to relationship, of course. There are times when the woman who wants to totally commit to being the more submissive wife/partner finds the perfect mate, who wants to be the more dominant partner. Reading the blog of one husband who expresses his delight with his submissive wife, I get a feel for the needs they meet for each other.

On the other end of the spectrum is the home that is completely led by the female. This is not uncommon and I’ve been the dominant one in that sort of household several times. I have to say that it didn’t feel good. I didn’t want that role, never sought it out, and resented it. Perhaps that’s one reason both marriages ended up in divorce, even though there were many good aspects to both. The problem is that I didn’t know what I was looking for – really didn’t know what was missing.

I discovered “Frank Discussion” online after my first marriage. Somehow I fell into a second marriage that put me in the dominant role again. When I finally left that marriage, I actively sought out a happy medium, and found what I’d been looking for all along. I am now with a man who is on the same level with me intellectually and wanting the type of relationship we both seek, yet he doesn’t allow me to run over him. We work together, make plans together, ask opinions of the other, but when it comes down to the final decision making, he does it.

It all boils down to one word – TRUST. If I don’t trust a man to make decisions that are in my own best interests, then how can I trust him with my body or my life? He readily admits when he makes mistakes, and he listens to my reasons for what I do or don’t do. He makes suggestions, and they are always sound. There is almost nothing I do without his input.

I mentioned that to a dear friend recently. She was shocked that I would enter into that sort of relationship. She said, “But that’s going back to traditional marriage!” Perhaps, but I like to think it’s moving forward rather than reverting. Ours is not a “Father Knows Best” kind of thing, but in any relationship someone needs to have the ultimate decision-making power. I still make decisions about my work, my home, my life in most respects. His ideas meshing with mine make for a peaceful and prosperous life for us both.

Just recently, he was not happy with the fact that I wasn’t taking time to rest in the afternoons. In his words, “I consider it the height of undisciplined behaviour.” I got the message, and have started structuring naps into my afternoon schedule – not merely because he is the Head of our Household, but because I know he’s right.

I’m using myself as an example in this post. I’m as much of a radical feminist as you’d ever meet, but it’s been wonderful to know that sometimes I can relax and let someone else take up the slack, make some decisions I hate to make. It’s been a conscious choice on my part. In the final analysis, it gives me more energy to do my work, and more free time to enjoy being with him.

And that can’t be all bad!

A Frank Discussion

2008-08-16T21:00:00.004-10:00

Back in the 80s, I stumbled onto a group in the now defunct Prodigy website, probably one of the first online services to have something like a forum or bulletin board for readers. There were all sorts of groups that discussed sex openly – part of the “sexual revolution” as well as the growth of the internet.

The amazing group I found was labeled "Frank Discussion" and they talked about activities that had been hush-hush for many years – such as BDSM, D/s, S/m, M/s, DD, TPE. It was sort of like "if you don't understand the initials, you don't belong here."

I felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory! After years of thinking something was wrong with themselves, people were encountering others who craved the same sort of sexual stimulation. I couldn’t read enough of what they had to say about their lifestyle.

I toyed with both the Domme and submissive roles, and there are elements in each that appeal to me. I’m still not certain if I had been seeking these particular kinks, or if I was reveling in the new sexual freedom we were all discovering.

The cerebral connection was not happening only online. We were physically connecting with both women and men from that group whenever we could. I had been single for about 10 years at that time, and I fell madly in love with the group. Even now, one of the people I met in that group is someone I consider to be a dear friend. If you’re reading this blog, you know who you are.

One of the leaders in the group has since written several books. I corresponded with him and his two live-in submissive women. If he reads any of these blogs, he may recognize who I am! That was my first initiation to polyamory, also, and thinking about it all kept me in a state of constant arousal.

Then in January 1993, the Frank Discussion group was terminated. The topics discussed there were considered “too frank” by the corporation that owned Prodigy. We were left floundering for a place to meet people of like kind and discuss our so-called “perversions.”

The activities of that era would seem tame, however, compared to where it has evolved in today’s world of kink. Once it started, there was a virtual explosion.

We went from not having access to anything other than a woman in a bathing suit to being trussed up like a turkey to watching someone take a shit to you name it! Anal sex (formerly considered taboo) looked tame by comparison.

Today, some of the photography is pure art. And some of the best writing of sexual material fits into the category of true literature.

Recently this group of “pervs” came together to support one of the leaders who was involved in a “good vs. evil” situation with her daughter’s education. We continue to fight the battle through the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. Threats continue, and we need to stand by her.

My post a couple Sundays ago addresses this issue by asking questions about what is truly indecent. Unless we ask the questions, our life here will not change. At times we get a glimmer that our lifestyle might become mainstream, but I fear that time is far away.

A strong belief I have about this lifestyle is that it takes a certain elevated intelligence in order to appreciate the beauty of it. It’s been my observation that those who are deeply involved have a more active imagination, and are more likely to need the extra creativity they bring to a sexual connection. Even though a person can still have fun with “vanilla” sex, it is difficult to let it stay at that level for very long.

I enjoy hard core as much as the next person, and my hope is that we don’t go too far the other way. When it is always there for the asking, is it possible that we could we get bored with it eventually?

Perhaps the fact that it remains generally taboo is one of the reasons we can continue to be aroused by such thoughts/ activities/ visuals. The exotic and forbidden always promises a thrill.

Let’s keep the electricity alive! And let’s make a stand for sexual freedom!

For A Friend In Great Need!

2008-08-11T13:32:00.002-10:00

My friend, Catalina, is in great need of love, prayer, and help in many ways. Please go to this website and read it carefully. Let your heart guide you in this!

http://catalinaloves.com/2008/08/11/catalina-loves-her-daughter/

This is a donation toward "freedom of expression" you won't regret!

I blow you a kiss ~
Fanny

A Million Ways To Make Love

2008-08-09T21:00:00.006-10:00

When people come to me with questions about sex and/or their sexuality and the over-abundance (or under-abundance) of it, I have one answer.

“There are a million ways to make love. Sex is only one way.”

Well, maybe “a million” is a slight exaggeration. I have been known to use my Irish propensity for stretching the truth. But let’s say it’s “a hundred.” It's still a bunch of fun ways to tell someone what you think of them, and improve the quality of your love life immensely.

Maybe this is about more than just making love – maybe it’s about keeping your relationship alive for the long haul. I could tell a personal story about every single one of these, but you have your own.

Your assignment for the week, boys and girls, is to start your list of one hundred ways to make love. Feel free to pick-and-choose from this list. It will give you a head start. And don’t use these only for foreplay, please. Let them each stand alone as a statement.

1. Cook a meal together (in peace)
2. Give a neck rub (and only the neck)
3. Order a beautiful piece of lingerie for her/him online (let it be a surprise)
4. Brush his/her hair (gently)
5. Wash her/his back in the shower
6. Listen to what s/he has to say (incredibly sexy)
7. Hold hands in public (no matter how old you are)
8. Continue telling her/him how attractive he/she is (no matter how old or plump)
9. Give little special treats (non-fattening, of course)
10. Send flowers (even guys like to get flowers at work)
11. Serve breakfast in bed (or lunch or dinner)
12. Have cookies and milk at midnight in the kitchen (don’t want crumbs in the bed)
13. Do pillow talk (about all sorts of things)
14. Hide love notes (to be found at odd times and in odd places)
15. Read good books out loud to each other (maybe the book at the bottom of this post?)
16. Send text messages during the day
17. Learn their favorites (of anything – food, music, movies)
18. Take a life-drawing class together
19. Learn ballroom dancing together
20. Keep the ice-cube trays filled
21. Help make the bed
22. Fold the laundry together
23. Stop whatever you are doing and have “tea.”
24. Trade roles in household tasks occasionally
25. Make a kite, then fly it (without saying “Go fly a kite!”)
26. Sit side by side and listen to the wind (without saying a word)
27. Get up early enough to watch the sunrise together
28. Send “a little something” through snail mail (even if you live together)
29. Send an e-card to say “I love you”
30. Give him/her a chance to take a real nap
31. Keep yourself hygienically clean
32. Be pleasant (and desirable) to be around
33. Get up off the couch occasionally (the world will go on without you)
34. Give a foot massage
35. Plant a garden (anywhere)
36. Take time to watch the sunset together quietly.
37. Do a little star-gazing later
38. Play Santa all year with a tiny (inexpensive) gift in their shoe or stocking at night
39. Play Easter Bunny the same way (no, not that way!)
40. Do housework in the nude
41. Cook dinner in just an apron
42. Go to a nudist beach together (or join a nudist club)
43. Watch a good clean comedy DVD together
44. Watch a dirty DVD together (don’t say I didn’t warn you!)
45. Send a jpg in email of a position you’d like to try (later)
46. Create lots of little surprises (not too many, or they won’t be surprises anymore)
47. Spank him/her, then cuddle afterward
48. Cuddle without the spanking sometimes
49. Respect her/his privacy
50. Raise chickens or guppies or children together (enjoy the parenting process)
51. Plan meals together
52. Wash the car for him/her (or together)
53. Make sure her/his car has sufficient fuel and air in the tires
54. Talk about your fantasies
55. Talk about your beliefs
56. Talk about your disbeliefs
57. Talk!
58. Learn how to say “I love you” in a different language.
59. Splurge on a concert ticket for a favorite artist
60. Visit a museum
61. Accept his/her friends
62. Make a sand castle
63. Pull taffy (can’t be done alone)
64. Go fishing together (and bait her/his hook)
65. Plant an oak tree
66. Sing to him/her (even if you can’t carry a tune)
67. Make dinner a “formal” occasion once a month
68. Sleep in
69. Write a fairy tale (with your lover as hero or heroine)
70. Pick up after yourself
71. Replenish the batteries in his/her dildo
72. Pretend you’ve just met (and are telling the other about yourself)
73. Take vitamins
74. Dance in the rain (naked or clothed)
75. Hang up your bath towel
76. Buy a bottle of kid’s bubbles and blow bubbles at each other
77. Take a bubble bath, too
78. Have a Cool Whip fight
79. Say “please” and “thank you” often
80. Maintain your individuality
81. Lighten up!
82. Think possible
83. Watch your budget carefully (and plan it together)
84. Learn yoga or tai chi
85. Be generally courteous (we often neglect this with our partners)
86. Recycle
87. Be encouraging (rather than discouraging)
88. Practice humility
89. Live peacefully
90. Keep your cool
91. Walk together (in the woods, around the block, in a park)
92. Think “green”
93. Honor schedules
94. Be flexible
95. Create a scrapbook together
96. Have a snowball fight (if you live where there’s snow)
97. Go to a circus or carnival – and laugh
98. Share responsibilities (decide together)
99. Clean the shower stall when you’re finished
100. SEX!

Gosh! I’ll bet you thought I’d forget that one! Not a chance! To be honest, I could go on with this list forever, because I’ve just gotten started!

So maybe there are “a million ways,” after all. Tell me some of your ways, please.

Indecent?

2008-08-02T21:00:00.005-10:00

An editorial in the L.A. Times this past week brought up an interesting issue. It’s “old news”, of course, so why does it keep coming up?

Some of the fuddy-duddies in this world insist on trying to protect us from whatever it is they consider “indecent.” According to the article, many uptight lawmakers consider our First Amendment to the Constitution merely “a suggestion.”

I don’t want to make this into a political forum, but just what is indecent?

A naked body of any size, form, position, or gender? Two (or more) people in the act of making love, or procreating, or playfully enjoying themselves (or maybe playing with themselves?) Learning about our bodies and how they differ from someone else’s body? Partial nudity? Classical art? Birth control?

Or is indecency handing lethal weapons to angry people? Watching bodies getting maimed in the streets? Seeing our offspring killed in the classrooms? Sending our underprivileged youth to fight an rich old man’s war?

Why am I able to turn on the TV and watch a suicide bomber, but I can’t find an X-rated movie without paying for it? Why can I be shown how to load a gun, but I can’t be shown how to put on a condom?

Does the person who came up with “abstinence only” have a problem with premature ejaculation? Or perhaps thinking about all the typical hormones that are raging among our youth is enough to make an old guy masturbate?

When was the pleasure of using a dildo taken away from us by calling it a different name? Watch this video if you want to laugh your pants off!

(Oops, I’d better not say that! It’s indecent!)

Why do people think some legislation will “protect” our innocent young? Why is it not up to parents to keep children from seeing the hard stuff (if we think it’s too naughty for them)?

Why do parents want to keep their children from having sex education in the public schools? Are they teaching it at home? How? Why are young people made to wait until they get to college to voluntarily take a course in the diversity of human sexuality?

What kind of law is it that prohibits any two or more people from having sex any way they want, regardless of position or gender or whatever?

Who decided that Tarzan and Jane shouldn’t be read by children because they were living together without benefit of marriage? And what about those apes, huh?? Do we honestly believe children are pondering the wages of sinful living when they read (and enjoy) those adventures?

Has anyone ever considered that Superman might have been a cross-dresser? What about Wonder Woman? Was she a dominatrix? Heavens!!! Keep those comics away from the children, please! They might get ideas!

The more I write this post, the more questions I have. There are too many questions with no satisfactory answers in these New Dark Ages. I think I’ll go watch the news. My government seems to think war has some sort of “decency” about it. Why isn’t peace considered decent enough for us?

It all boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

True Love?

2008-07-26T21:00:00.003-10:00

How can we tell if what we’re feeling is true love? What’s the difference between love and addiction to a person or the relationship? Is there a difference?

That’s a tough one to answer. It helps me to think in terms of co-dependency, which is a form of love gone awry.

Certain professions are more prone to co-dependency than others – nursing and clergy are the two that come to mind immediately. Friends of mine wrote this little book.

Both of them are nurses who see how strong the tendency is among nurses. I also believe that to be a pastor, priest or nun almost requires a person to be co-dependent. It’s the nature of these particular careers, and many others. Professionals need to remain attentive to that fact.

Co-dependency does not mean that you are partnered with an addict, but rather it is a “diagnosis” all on its own. An old saw says that if you are co-dependent, someone else’s life flashes before your eyes when you die. In other words, other people are more important than you are to yourself.

A co-dependent person has difficulty separating who they are from how they are with another person. If I describe myself as a nurse, for example, then being a nurse is what gives me identity. “I am a nurse,” rather than “I am a person who works as a nurse.”

But it goes even deeper than that. Co-dependent persons feel like they are nobody without their job, whether that job is taking care of a sick family member, nursing in a hospital, or trying to survive while living with an alcoholic. Their job IS their identity.

Now, translate all of that to a relationship. My definition of a relationship would be two people who can stand alone, have their own career, have an identity that does not depend on someone else being there, even though they may love that partner intensely.

Once again, I refer you to Co-dependents Anonymous, sometimes shortened to CODA, to learn more about co-dependency and relationship addiction. If my identity relies on my lover, then I am in a co-dependent relationship with that lover. My lover knows he is our Head of Household (HoH), but he also knows and respects the fact that I have a life totally independent of him. We discuss options together, but always the final decision about anything significant belongs to him.

Space does not allow me to say a lot more about co-dependent relationships here, but please do read up on it. I highly recommend two books by Melody Beattie, an author who is tops in the field.

.

Last week, I talked about sex addiction . As I said then, there are people who are pathologically addicted to sex in self-destructive ways.

What I believe many people really are saying is that they are addicted to LOVE –to being “in love.” See this article from the Sexual Recovery Institute for more about love addiction.

Another read that is appropriate for this topic is the following book. Her subtitle is "Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love." That says it all!

.

One last book I recommend to you. It is a tiny little book packed with good information. He talks about “the staying syndrome,” and how to decide whether to stay or go. It originally was designed for relationships, but works for jobs and anything else about which you are having a problem in deciding “when to quit.”

All of the books I recommend here are ones I’ve used in my private practice and in teaching. While I could expound on these topics forever, I believe the books can do a more thorough job of getting the point across. When a book is in your hands, you can read a bit, mull it over, apply it to your life in baby steps, and eventually comprehend what is meant by love addiction.

Please permit me to close on a different topic. I was asked to be a guest blogger on http://catalinaloves.com/. She wrote a brief bio about me here and on Friday, July 24, she posted my contribution . If you’ve been reading my posts regularly, you’ll recognize that I combined a few of the things I’ve written here, but that doesn’t matter. I’d still love you to support Catalina on her blog. I’ll be doing more for her over time.

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

Sex Addiction - Is It Real?

2008-07-19T21:00:00.002-10:00

The posts you have read here are honest yet a bit casual and sometimes humorous, if not tongue-in-cheek. I probably should post from my own professional background, but I choose not to because I want this blog to be more fun than serious.

Lately, there have been more serious questions that I feel a strong need to address here. The topic for today is "sex as an addiction."

Can there be such a thing?

Sex addiction is not like other addictions where a person must remain abstinent from the drug of choice. It’s more like food addiction. We cannot abstain from food or we will eventually die. A food addict learns portion control, when to recognize true hunger, and other means of breaking the addiction.

Now I’m fairly certain we won’t die if we don’t have sex, but I do believe sex is a Divine Gift to each human being. The normal desire for sex permits us to play with it joyfully, experiment with it, make babies with it, relax with it – you name it. Some even use it for physical fitness.

Sex can be romantic or a bit naughty (I like more than a bit), yet too often sex is used as a weapon, either as an aggressive act like rape, or withdrawal as punishment and control over another person.

So what do we mean by a sex addiction? I would be concerned if a person had absolutely no interest in sex. This site identifies sex addiction as a “progressive intimacy disorder, characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.”

There are many books that address recovery, but few address sexual addiction. One I have found helpful in my practice is The Good Sex Book: Recovering and Discovering Your Sexual Self, by Sherry Sedgwick, M.E., AASECT, CADAC. There is a saying in recovery circles: “We are as sick as our secrets.” Therefore, says Sedgwick, addiction to alcohol and other drugs (AOD), is often associated with sexual dysfunction – we call that “acting out.”

“Sex addiction” is not the same as “sex and love addiction.” A person can be addicted to sex to the point of compulsive masturbation, sex only with prostitutes (male or female), voyeurism, exhibitionism, sex with minors, obscene phone calls. This does not ordinarily involve “love.” See Sex Addicts Anonymous for a clearer understanding. There is even a set of questions designed to assess your level of sexual interest.

I think what most people are asking me about is not sex addiction, per se. I believe these questions come from a point of feeling addicted to a relationship. Go to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. They have a comprehensive questionnaire to find out if you would diagnose yourself as a sex and love addict.

I’ve been there with relationships, and I know that feeling. We believe we cannot live without that other person, there will never be someone quite like that other person, we give up our normal and personal activities for the other person, we feel incomplete without that other person – or ANY other person! There is an intense craving! We cry a lot, we smoke too many cigarettes, we drink too much, we stalk - we act out in many unhealthy ways.

The following poem is one I wrote years ago when I found myself in that mental state.

I want to be with you
Everyday
To sleep with you beside
the stream
To protect you from
the wind
To keep you warm and
relaxed
I ask nothing but love in return,
and to be with you
every day.
It is too much to ask.

Next week, I will continue this topic with a discussion on Co-dependency and Relationship Addiction. In the meantime, peruse the websites above and see where they take you.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Sexy Accessories for Men

2008-07-12T21:00:00.004-10:00

Last week, I gave a sampling of just a few of the sexiest accessories for women. This week it’s time for the guys to get in on the act. I realize that for both men and women, the final judgment is relative to sexual orientation. That doesn’t mean we don’t each change from time to time. The most ardent hetero- or homo-sexual person can see something sexually exciting about a person of the same or opposite sex at times.

So since I’m not a guy (last time I looked), I can’t tell you what a guy thinks is his sexiest accessory, but I can tell you what I’ve heard men say, what I’ve read that men write, and what I see from a woman’s perspective.

I’d love to hear what men consider to be their sexiest accessory. From the outside looking in, it seems that men believe well-defined muscle and six-pack abs are “it.” Or maybe it’s the haircut.
One gay male friend wrote what was attractive for him. “It is often the lower abdomen, also the shape of their full torso (shoulders through butt) – I like a kidney bean shape... also like European shape or Asian shape as opposed to a V torso, he-man type...I like androgynous male shapes.”

Cowboys in tight jeans and boots, U.S. Navy uniforms (or uniforms in general), aloha shirts and shorts or surfer pants, three-piece suits – any of these styles of dress can be specific turn-ons for some. Physical items of interest to men and women I’ve talked with can be either a little hair on the chest or a lot, facial hair or no facial hair, wavy hair or no hair at all, sensuous lips, bedroom eyes. I remember falling for a rather handsome guy in high school who had a scar across his cheek, which made him look sexier than ever.

What about their undies? Some guys wear thongs, some wear boxers, or tightie whities, or black briefs. I’m more of a boxer girl, myself, but I mostly like the vision of a man with nothing on at all below the waist, but I guess men feel they need something to protect the “jewels” or to keep them from flopping.

Cleanliness is a virtue, but sometimes a good musky smell is very sexy. There is a difference between that gross never-take-a-shower B.O. and good honest sweat from a man’s laboring or working out. I love the smell of my own man, and I tell him so. It’s a major turn-on for me.

I asked my own lover what he considers to be his sexiest attribute or accessory, and he replied that it was his desire for perfection in sex for his partner. That was a very sweet thing for him to say. I know he does try to please me sexually above all else. He tries very hard (ahem) to make it perfect for me, but HE is perfect and shouldn’t try so hard.

My response to him was that for me, his personality and intelligence rise above everything else, even though other physical attributes he has are attractive to me.

Being turned on by brains doesn’t mean that (in the past) I haven’t had wild and crazy sex with someone who had the personality of a doornail and the intelligence of a slug (maybe even less). So what did they have?? Well, I’ll leave that part to your imagination (blush)

Okay, men – it’s your turn to tell me what you think makes you sexy! It may not be at all what you think.

Sexy Accessories for Women

2008-07-05T21:00:00.004-10:00

A conversation with a few women friends recently brought up the topic of what our sexiest accessory (or call it "attribute") might be. Everyone had a different idea. Here’s a sampling of what women see as their sexiest accessory.

Of course, if you shop at Adam and Eve (see link on the left), Wicked Temptations, Musotica, or Frederick’s of Hollywood, you have a specific type of sexiness in mind. Your favorite accessory might be erect nipples that show a beautiful profile through that fine silk blouse, with the feel of fabric rubbing against your skin. Absolutely lovely! I love seeing that on a woman (including on myself)!

Perhaps you like the artificial eyelashes that sport tiny rhinestones or little feathers. It takes batting your eyes at someone to a new level. I can definitely see a come-hither look developing, although I’d have trouble keeping my eyes open. But maybe those bedroom eyes can also be sexy.

Ever since I read a novel years ago where the woman wore a chain around her waist under all her clothes, I’ve been turned on by the thought of wearing a bra or panties made up of nothing but pearls or rhinestones. I wonder if that would take away from the nipples showing through or enhance it? Don’t you just love pondering things like that?

There was a time when I loved wearing high heels, but usually nothing more than three or four inches. Elegant beyond belief! High heels do something spectacular with the calf muscles in a woman’s leg, but I can’t imagine spending a day on my feet in some of the seven and eight inch heels that are popular. You certainly couldn’t teach or run after children in them, but if they flip your skirt, then wear them.

Costumes are fun accessories. I especially like the pirate ones, with the fair maiden ready to be ravished. My problem is that I always wanted to be the captain of the pirate ship, willing to ravish both male and female! Wonder what that makes me??

I could go on and on with stuff like leather panties that zip or tie up the front, bustiers and corsets, see-through baby dolls for that special feeling (even when no one else is around), long slinky dresses slit up to “here,” and miniskirts that show everything but the kitchen sink. We do dress to please ourselves, as well as our partners, don’t we?

For me, the sexiest accessory is none of those items – it’s earrings! Even without a stitch of clothing, a magnificent pair of earrings can make me feel like the Queen of Sheba. And if I forget to wear earrings when I go out, no amount of clothing will make me feel dressed.

I love big hoops, or many little hoops running up the edge of my ears. I love little diamond studs or long cascading pearls. Sometimes I put two different kinds of earrings into the same piercing, or even wear a different earring on each ear.

Earrings, earrings, earrings!!! Sexy, sexy, sexy!!!

Next week, I’ll talk about sexy accessories and attributes for men. In the meantime, please write and tell me what you consider to be your sexiest accessory.

INDEPENDENCE!!

2008-07-04T09:00:00.005-10:00

Today is our American Independence Day and I’m adding a brief post between my regular posts to discuss that word “independence” as it relates to our sexuality.

Oh, I know – most of us have gone through many of the stages of sexual revolution. I was part of the group that started to show their breasts at a beach, burn our bras, and many of the other “coming out” activities we hippies did.

My pre-teen daughter was shocked when I showed up in one of the early mini-skirts, which wasn’t nearly as "mini" as they became over the next few years. After all, I was the mother of four children and what business did I have of following fashion anyway? Or showing my legs?

I was a child when my mother discussed the latest fashion with a neighbor over the laundry line. It seems this neighbor’s son was a designer for a high profile fashion industry in New York. In relating the newest switch in fashion, his mother said, “And he told me skirts were going to start coming down to HERE,” indicating mid-calf. Skirts were much shorter at the time, a war-time effort to eliminate waste in fabrics. (WW II that is, not the current one!)

We’ve been flaunting our sexual independence for centuries. I believe we live in a time when almost anything goes in fashion, in sex, in politics, in life. Of course we are still hampered in many respects. I cannot go strolling through the mall with no clothes on, but I can wear a top that barely covers my nipples, short enough to show my navel, and shorts that cover only half my buttocks. Personally, I think that is sexier and more seductive than out and out nudity!

But please, please continue to exert your independence in as many ways as possible! We all have our kinks, our fetishes, our naughty behaviors, our affairs, our fantasies. Don’t let anyone take them away from you! Walk with pride, strut your stuff! As Rusty Warren used to sing (probably still does), “Knockers Up!”

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Cop A Feel – of Yourself!

2008-06-28T21:00:00.001-10:00

It’s difficult to believe that in this modern day, people still have questions about masturbation. How in the world are you ever going to let your partner know what button to push, how to stroke, where it tingles, if you don’t know it yourself?

This would also include learning how to expect an orgasm to feel, but we’ll get into the Big O another time. Right now, let’s talk about how someone masturbates.

What do you do when those needy feelings come over you? You know the ones I mean – where you think if you don’t get fucked within the next five minutes, you’re going to explode inside? Yeah, those feelings! I knew you knew what I was talking about. Sometimes they just come up on you with no explanation, right?

It always seems to happen when no one is around to come to your rescue, so you prance around the house, trying to avoid it. Or you wake up from a mid-afternoon snooze and it just has to be right now! Your partner is off on a trip, or doesn’t live with you, or won’t be home from work for another two hours. Even the cock (uh…rooster) outside your window is starting to look good.

Finally there is nothing else to be done but to take yourself in hand.

Now, I’ve heard that for the male species, it’s a fairly simple and natural procedure, and one they start fairly early in life without even being taught. Since I’m not a man, I can’t really verify that, but I have talked to quite a few guys about it - and had fun watching more than a few! I really am not convinced that it’s any more complicated than boiling water.

Before I get too involved in this, let me say that I haven’t heard whether men fantasize doing their own hand job, so if any men out there can clue me in, please feel free!

But, oh boy, let me tell you about women!! I haven’t talked with very many women who don’t fantasize while masturbating. I highly recommend Nancy Friday’s books, starting with My Secret Garden (see the Amazon list on the left). I laughed at the one man quoted in the book as saying that his wife never had to fantasize because he was all she needed. Uh huh!

Well, guys, let me clue you in – it’s not because your penis doesn’t excite us. Personally, I can get quite excited over a penis (on the right man). Rather, it’s because our minds lead an exceptionally active life around our sexuality, and we don’t even know where it comes from.

Face it, we women often take a bit longer to reach a climax – or two or six or….

Perhaps it’s as simple as rolling over on your side with your hands between your legs, moving against them until you feel It. Or stretching out on your back, legs spread, and slowly exploring every nook and cranny until you can’t wait a second longer.

Some women make an afternoon or whole day out of a masturbating session. They will dress in a certain way, let their minds flow over made-up conversations, allow the need to build up. There may even be several orgasms throughout the day as they pretend they are the main character in their own drama.

Wearing a butt plug around for several hours keeps some women stimulated while they do their household chores. Women have told me of looking at their collection of dildos, tenderly caressing each one – maybe trying out several before they make the big decision. Even the process of opening a jar or tube of lubricant can send a shudder up a woman’s spine.

And how about other objects around the house? Cucumbers (peeled or not), carrots, Japanese eggplants, candles, peeled ginger (oh my!), bananas, a plump raw drumstick (there’s that damned rooster again).

I suspect the ways women masturbate are as great as the number of women on the planet. A male client once said he envied women the richness that comes from taking their time to let their minds go places where they might never go in reality. We’ll continue to talk about fantasies from time to time. There’s a wealth of goodies there to discuss.

So cop a feel, girlfriends (and guys)! Write to me if you wish, tell me your stories, ask your questions. I assure you that nothing will shock me, and that however you pleasure yourselves, it’s absolutely going to be a time of delight.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Poly/Mono Relationships

2008-06-21T21:00:00.004-10:00

The following question came to me in a comment on my swinging blog. http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/swing-low-sweet_26.html

“Dear Fanny, if I recognize that one person can never meet all my needs (physical, emotional, recreational, etc.), but my partner thinks one person can and SHOULD, what course(s) of action do you recommend?”

Since that question arrived, I also have had telephone and online conversations with others about the exact same topic. There was a clear indication that the topic needed to be addressed soon.

Now, I know that this question, and the subsequent conversations I had with other people, relates not to something as simple as hobbies. What they seem to be asking really is “What if I need (and want) to be sexual with more than one person and my partner doesn’t?” This would include the jealousy factor, especially if the monogamous partner doesn’t want to “play around.”

But for ease of discussion, let’s start with hobbies as an example. What if you love horseback riding (so to speak…ahem) and the other is frightened to death of anything larger than a small kitten. Should you give up riding horses and take up knitting? I think not! You would probably find a friend to go riding with you (cough cough).

I can’t conceive of anything more boring than two people who always have to do everything together. Sharing a great number of interests can be one way of enhancing a relationship, but the need to have separate outside interests of your own is quite another issue. I believe that if each person has their own pleasures and finds someone else to share them with, then they have more to bring back to the party, in a sense.

Now, back to the notion of sexual partnerships. This is such a common problem that groups and blogs exist that are made up of people in relationships where one partner wants a monogamous relationship, stating (and believing) that the other partner can (and should) meet all their needs. But your partner cannot and does not fulfill all your needs. Perhaps you have a need not to feel tied down to one person and you are interested in either other outside interests or in a polyamorous relationship. http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/poly-what_26.html

So what do you do about this?

There is so much to take into consideration. I think you need to realize that discussing it with your partner could ultimately end up in divorce or an ending of the relationship. If you are willing to take that chance, then take the next step.

The first thing you may need to do is reassure your partner that s/he is still loved and primary in your life. Ask questions that will draw out their feelings. It might be a good time to discuss how you both think the relationship is going. The typical response, might be “Everything is fine,” even though you know it’s not. It’s a sure bet that the mono-minded partner has already picked up on your dissatisfaction. Maybe you’ve even talked about it a bit already. You could casually bring it up as a question, then admit they may have a valid concern.

One question might be, “Have you noticed a decline in the excitement (or whatever word you want to use) of our relationship?” Discuss why the two of you think that is happening, and ask for suggestions. You may be surprised at the response.

It’s critical that you do not place blame on the other person. It’s not their fault that you are restless, or need more than one person to satisfy your needs. Own up to it, even though it might be easier to point the finger.

At some point in the conversation, you need to ask how they would feel if you went horseback riding with someone else (back to our “hobby” example). “I know you hate horses, and would rather not be pulled along every time I go, but it’s very important that I continue riding, and I’d like to go with other horse people.” This opens up the conversation to other activities that the two of you need to do separately.

“Swinging” might be a beginning, if you can entice your partner to try it. It is very possible that three-somes and “more-somes” can stimulate your sex life, and your affection for each other. If agreed to and it all works out, then it could develop into a lovely polyamorous situation.

Again, gradually begin to ask more pertinent questions, such as “Have you ever thought you’d like to be sexual with someone other than me?” They may deny it, but if the communication between you is good, the other person may admit they have thought about it from time to time. Even if they say “no,” your partner will surely come back with “Have you?” Be ready with your answer - no hemming and hawing here!

But SEX is the one intimacy many people are not willing to share. The instant the conversation uh…swings around to that, you can expect emotions to flare. Again, you need to know that it might mean the end to your relationship. Are you willing to risk the consequences?

Everything I’ve suggested depends on the sort of relationship the two of you have established over a period of time. It may be that it’s more important to concede to your partner, and keep your needs inside, at least for the time being.

I keep having ideas about all this, but I’m sure this topic will pop up again. I haven’t solved the situation for you, and may have made it worse. Now is your time to be 100% honest with yourself and decide what is most important to you.

And sometimes the best thing to do is simply to have a discrete affair.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny (who loves horses - and aren't those beautiful draft horses in the picture?)

Who's Your Daddy?

2008-06-14T21:00:00.007-10:00

Because today is Father’s Day, it’s appropriate that I talk about fantasies both men and women have about being or having a Daddy.

Perhaps a good place to begin is with what it means to be a Daddy. What are the thoughts that come to mind when you think of a Daddy? Probably many of us think of someone who loves us, takes care of our needs on a daily basis. Our idea of a Daddy might be someone who buys us treats when we’re good, or spanks us when we’ve been naughty.

When I think of a Daddy, I also think of someone who encourages us in our endeavors, stands up for us (and with us) against the world. We might envision a Daddy who helps us with our homework and teaches us about life, a man of wisdom who guides us on our path.

If we take the concept of a Daddy into the sexual realm, would we not expect to find the same sort of fondness, support and guidance? So whether it’s a relationship of a gay man with a gay “son,” or a woman of any age who is seeking a “Daddy” figure, I think we can understand the fantasy better if we go back to our original concept of what makes a Daddy. Our fantasy Daddy will have the same attributes.

I don’t think we ever get too old to need a Daddy. Some want a more loving Daddy who spoils us, while some want a more strict Daddy who will discipline with an iron hand. And some seek a Daddy who can incorporate both aspects as necessary. This may come under the category of “kinky” for many people, and yet it is not uncommon in what we would consider “normal” relationships.

For each person, the age they like to role play is different. Some persons of all genders even enjoy being babied, diapered and fed like a baby, but with the added benefits of a relationship. For most people, however, the preference is to to be a little girl/boy or teen for their Daddy.

There also is a difference in how this relationship is played out. For a few couples, it is a special “sometime” event for sexual play; for others it is 24/7 and the “child” dresses the part at all times. http://musotica.com/seligilo.html For more outfits and toys, please click on the Adam & Eve link in the left sidebar.

Personally, I think it’s adorable to see an adult woman out in public wearing cute little socks, Mary Jane shoes and a pony tail or ribbon in her hair. Without a doubt I know she has found her Daddy and doesn’t care who knows it. If appropriate, I will sometimes tell the woman (with a nod and knowing smile) that I like her outfit.

I have had women tell me their Daddy fantasies, then ask me if their fantasy was strange or weird. I reassured them it was not. This type of fantasy may or may not have anything to do with the relationship they had with their own father in growing up, and it may or may not be a reaction to whether they were abused or spoiled.

A friend once said she wished she could have had a Daddy. Her own father had been an abusive drunk, and she fantasized about having a loving Daddy who would take her on his knee and hug her. I couldn’t relate to her because I had such a special relationship with my own Daddy.

Please understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with real children! That is not what it’s all about. But the thought of an adult dressing and playing the role of a child or teen is very much a turn-on for some men. It can be a beautiful match when the man who wants to be a Daddy finds the woman or man who wants to be their daughter or son.

So I ask you – who’s your Daddy?

And to all you Daddies out there - HAPPY DADDY'S DAY!

I blow you a kiss ~

Fanny

Not Even A Fig Leaf

2008-06-07T22:00:00.004-10:00

I once had a fantasy!

Oh, come on, not that kind of fantasy (blush)! We’ll talk about that other kind soon, I promise.

This particular fantasy was that when I retired, I would buy a home and live in a nudist colony for the rest of my life. I’d be among my own kind – people who considered it normal to be walking around without any clothes on, and simply love to feel the sun on their bodies. In spite of any fantasies you may have had about nudism, you aren’t necessarily titillated by the nude people around you.

I seriously began to look at websites of places in Southern California, Florida, Mexico, Hawaii – anywhere I thought would have good weather for nudists. Other than weather, my main consideration was that it had to accommodate full-time living, and not just weekends. Of course, it would need to be warm enough that I didn’t need to bundle up, but cool enough that I wouldn’t burn in the glorious sun. You have to be careful or you can burn places on your body you didn’t know you had!

Back in the days…we talked about and went to "nudist camps", and we were considered "nudists." Now the word has been upgraded (more politically correct?) to “naturists.” Whatever you want to call us, I don’t want to wear even a fig leaf!

The traveling nudist club I belonged to in Southern California (mentioned in an earlier post http://fannylucette.blogspot.com/2008/05/swing-low-sweet_26.html) wasn’t really about swinging, as I insinuated. It was a group of people (singles, couples, families) who traveled to various camps to enjoy the day, and met once a month as a group for potluck and fun. Children, adults, and teens alike enjoyed the freedom of “clothing optional.” It was not forced on the youth, but truly “optional” for anyone.

If you have never tried going in the nude for anything other than a bath or shower, or just around the house, you owe it to yourself to try it. The Trade Association for Nude Recreation has a page devoted to “A Special Message for First-Timers.” It is well written and covers everything you’ve always wanted to know about nudism or naturism. I suspect that most people have wondered what it would be like. Go to http://www.tanr.com/ and click on the oval button near the top marked “First-Timer Message.”

The TANR site also lists many clubs on the left-hand sidebar. I have friends who love camping out at Paradise Lakes near Tampa, Florida http://www.paradiselakes.com/. It’s also one that has condos and homes for sale for full-time living. Click around on the site to see what’s available.

The Glen Eden Sun Club in Corona, California (http://www.gleneden.com/) was one I enjoyed going to with friends. It is the third largest nudist park in the U.S. In fact, there is a big event there this very weekend. And I’m stuck at my computer trying to convince people to “go nude!”

For an interesting oxymoron, check out this article in a Central Arizona newspaper (http://www.azcentral.com/ent/pop/articles/1207nudists1207-CR.html).

There are a few sites listed on the sidebar of this post. Each of these links has numerous links to other sites. Have fun browsing and fantasizing like I did (and still do). You’re sure to find the right one for you.

Maybe I’ll “see” you sometime?

I blow you a kiss ~ ~

Fanny

Him or Her or….?

2008-05-31T23:00:00.004-10:00

The subject of swinging this past week certainly brought a lot to the surface, didn’t it? One big issue that developed out of that post pertained to bisexuality. Homosexuality for all genders has been in the news lately, especially with the new law in California. Let’s all stand up and give a big “HOORAH” for that!

HOORAH!

Thank you! If it had happened in any other state, I think people across the country would have paid more attention, but you know how those Californians are! They are always the first to do something a bit daring and out of the ordinary. They are weird anyway!

The bisexual, however, has been misunderstood and much maligned by both sides of the argument. In the mind of the conservative, if someone has sexual interests in another of the same sex at any time, they are queer. At the same time, the homosexual thinks that a bisexual person is fence-sitting. OUCH!

I want to plead a case for the person who is not bound by any limits, either homosexual or heterosexual. Think about it! Isn’t there so much more to attraction than the genitalia of someone’s physical body and what they are capable of doing with it?

For many years, I have said that I am turned on by a personality and intelligence, not by any particular gender, race, age, size, blah blah. I’m not putting down those who stay at their own end of the continuum, whichever end that might be. I’m simply saying that it’s so much more fun to be open to either end (so to speak)!

Lifting our eyes from the genitalia to encompass the mind can broaden our global perspective in a beautiful way. I’m not sure where I saw it, but years ago there was a bumper sticker that said, “Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” I heartily believe that! Too often we run across a beautiful body with a bimbo mind (both male and female).

The concept of personality comes into play here. As a psychologist, I know there are many different personality types, as well as many different ways to determine what your personality type may be. Find someone with a personality that intrigues you, that attracts you, that you enjoy being around, and can tolerate for longer than a quickie. Then play with their genitals and see what comes up (as it were)!

That’s enough on that topic for now. I’m sure we will come back to it. I’ll see you next Sunday with another juicy tidbit.

I blow you a kiss,

Fanny

Swing Low, Sweet…

2008-05-26T16:01:00.005-10:00

After last week’s blog on polyamory, an excellent question came up about the difference between “polyamory” and “swinging.”

http://www.libchrist.com/poly/polyvsswing.html is a lengthy post about the difference. I won’t try to improve on that. I believe that swinging can lead to polyamory, but it is not intended to do so.

Therefore, I would like to discuss only swinging today and let you come to your own conclusion about the difference. Years ago, it was referred to as “wife swapping,” but this seemed to be rather androcentric, and doesn’t come close to explaining the depth of the activity.

In spite of prudish societies, swinging has been in existence since the ancient Romans, at least, and probably even longer ago than that. Sexual curiosity is nothing new.

In more modern times, military personnel felt it was a duty to take care of the wives of buddies who were off to battle. The women who were left behind certainly needed something besides a dildo to satisfy certain sexual hungers, didn’t they? Even the Bible refers to a man’s obligation to take care of his deceased brother’s wife.

Sometimes there are parties where groups of people come together to play in front of others, commonly called an orgy. This can be an acceptable way of being either an exhibitionist or a voyeur. Some couples really get stimulated by watching their partner with someone else. Often, however, this ends up with two or more going off into another room for more privacy.

One early form of playing involved tossing your house keys into a bowl when you entered a party, then randomly taking out another set of keys. This would indicate the person you went home with for the evening, or longer. I suppose there was titillation in not knowing who you would end up with.

Years ago, I belonged to a traveling nudist club in Southern California. It was promoted as being for people who enjoyed sunning in the nude. I discovered that it was a thinly veiled swinging group. All of us did enjoy nudity, but the playing that took place at those parties proved there was an interest in more than just feeling the warmth of the sun on our bodies.

Various games were played to determine who would be your sex partner, or playmate for the evening. One game was to have the men stand behind a sheet with holes cut into it. They would place their erect penises through the holes and the women had to identify which was the penis of their husband or partner. Part of the fun was in going up and down the line, feeling each penis. I have a hunch that the women made intentional mistakes.

There are many forms of swinging. It is not always swapping partners or spouses. Sometimes it is a couple who invites a single person to join them. There is no jealousy involved, no “love,” no sense of ownership. It is simply something to give their sex life a shot in the arm. Often it is a natural progression among people who are good friends – an extension of their fondness for each other.

Once again, I send you to Google where you will find many formal organizations of people who are into swinging. If that is your fantasy, then go for it. You won’t have any trouble finding others also interested in playing. Some couples seek out others to meet when they travel to other states or countries. Please make sure everyone practices safe sex, and has been tested recently.

I hope I have broadened your perspective!

I blow you a kiss,
Fanny

Poly-What??

2008-05-26T15:59:00.002-10:00

For a little fun, look through a dictionary. Seriously! Check out words beginning with “poly,” and you will find all sorts of innuendos, if not outright sexy stuff. In my Webster’s New World Dictionary (WNWD), an old second college edition, there were five columns devoted to words that begin with “poly.”

Let's start with one we’ve all heard – polygamy. Whatever meaning you’ve ever given that word, I’ll bet you have it wrong! According to my WNWD, it is the state or practice of having more than one wife or husband at the same time. In other words, it’s having a plural marriage. Those lucky animals who are not human, they get to be polygamous all the time, because they can mate with more than one of the opposite sex and no one reports them to the authorities.

What we normally think of as polygamy, is really polygyny, which is having more than one wife or concubine at the same time. “Concubine” is WNWD’s word, not mine, but it is a rather sweet old-fashioned word, isn’t it? There are botanical and zoological meanings to that word, too, but we won’t go there this time.

If a woman decides to play with more than one man, she is polyandrous. We don’t run into that much, but sounds like something to look into. Again, those lucky stiffs in botany and zoology get to do that all the time.

There are other words in the “poly” vein that can have many meanings – uh, polysemic (having many meanings or being open to many meanings).

Try polydactyl – having more than the normal number of fingers or toes. That sounds like fun. I can think of all sorts of uses for a polydactyl lover, can’t you? (big evil grin)

Of course, there are some pleasant words with no particularly sexy meanings, like Polynesia (where I live), or polymath (a person of great and diversified learning). Those words give me a nice warm and cozy feeling.

My favorite “poly” word of all is polyamorous. My WNWD is so old that it’s not even listed in there! But check for it on the internet. In 0.12 seconds, Google came up with about 322,000 entries for polyamorous! They even have their own society.

I definitely can recommend a nice evening stroll through some of those listings. A site like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory can give you the nitty-gritty of it, but for sheer pleasure and fantasizing, I suggest you try http://www.polyamory.org/ or http://www.polyamorysociety.org/ or . . . well, I can’t even begin to name them all!

But please do take the Polyamory Purity Test http://www.polyamory.org/purity.html and you’ll find out just how impure you really are!

I blow you a kiss!

Fanny

Welcome to my blog!

2008-05-26T15:54:00.003-10:00

For many years I have taught, counseled, advised, and experimented with issues around relationships, sexual behaviors, thoughts, and fantasies. In this blog I will present topics of interest and share my answer to questions students and/or friends have asked over the ages.

I’ve heard it said that “there is nothing new under the sun,” and that certainly is true in the world of sexuality. We may think we’ve invented a new position, enacted new fantasies, discovered new thrills, but I can guarantee you that it’s all been done before. If you don’t believe me, check out http://www.ameanet.com/, the World Museum of Erotic Art.

In today’s world, questions often revolve more around whether something is too kinky or bizarre, if there are any legalities to be observed, ways to make a good relationship better. Even when we think we know all about it, I still get questions about how a person’s body functions, and what is happening when we get “turned on.”

You are welcome to send your questions to me via email (fanny.lucette@gmail.com) and I will do my best to answer. You may also add comments, which I moderate before they are posted. My intent is to write a brief article that will be available every Sunday morning. That’s a good time to explore new options in bed with a lover, or even alone! So please subscribe to this blog via Google Reader to get it fresh and hot!

I blow you a kiss!
Fanny